In Another Life | Levi x Reader/OC

Tea and Berries

Sunday, 850

Perhaps the captain isn't all that bad.

He's actually asked me to join his squad as his second-in-command. He seems to be more open and honest with me now about certain things, specifically his feelings towards me. It's making it easier to understand him, but harder for me to view him as the enemy.

I don't think he hates me as much as I thought he did. To my knowledge, it seems that he finds me as someone relatable, someone he sees himself through. Maybe that's why he could hardly tolerate me at first, because I reminded him of the worst parts of himself.

But then, there was a noticeable shift in his treatment of me. He began to help me without hesitation. Despite my attempts at pushing him away, he always stayed. It felt like he wanted to mend the flaws he used to have that he can see in me also. His kindness never fails to surprise me. I've never met a person so willing to help me in this way. It is so odd to experience this from a person like him - someone so aloof and stern.

I hate it.

Ever since mother died, I thought I had become somewhat heartless, only caring for those already closest to me. I didn't want to fill in more seats in my life knowing they could leave at any moment, regardless of the reason.

But I guess you can't really help it sometimes, can you? Sometimes you become too attached and you don't realize it, and damn does it hurt when they leave.

I think about Petra a lot these days. I think about how much she truly meant to me when she should have been nothing but a background character. I wish I didn't grow to care about her. I wish this guilt would go away. It was like her death was a punishment for what I was brought here to do, and now, it seems like this feeling is returning with the last person I anticipated.

Actually, it's the WORST person I anticipated. The complicated feelings I've been having regarding the captain have been torturous to deal with. These feelings of sympathy and trust I experience around him have made me want to bash my head into a wall. Despite his attitude, I can't deny that I feel comfortable and safe in his presence. He is a good man, it's obvious, and I'm only here to destroy that.

There's still time for me to turn these thoughts around though... right? I can suppress these thoughts - ignore them. Or better yet, use it against him. I can sense the trust he is starting to have in me and I can obviously use it to my advantage. This is exactly what Commander Magath wanted, to gain his trust first.

I guess it's ultimately up to me to decide what I will do. I'm just wondering how long this will take me to decide before I break. This internal conflict I feel is far too overwhelming. I'm not sure how much more I can hold it in without breaking.

But damn it, who am I trying to fool? I want to be selfish. Deep down, I want to welcome him into my life too.

- Eden

-

"I think I'd have Sasha in the outer center next to Eren or Historia," Levi said, using his pen to draw a circle on the paper spread out in front of both of you.

"No." You shook your head. "She should be in the rear, right here." You used your pen to point to the more preferable spot for her. "She has heightened senses. She could hear and feel footsteps from miles away. Being in the center would only hinder that ability. I think she'd be more useful in the rear since most enemies come from behind."

"I always put my most skilled soldiers in the back. It should be you and Mikasa."

"Then either me or Mikasa would go beside her."