𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 & 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐡𝐞𝐦 || 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐨𝐥 (𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐈𝐈)

11.1 - Jeonghan

"I'm going," I growl.

Seungcheol clenches his jaw, standing in front of the front door. "You aren't leaving this house."

A laugh bubbles in my chest, and I can't help but chuckle. "I'm going!"

He steps toward me, while still blocking the front door. "You aren't going to his funeral, Jeonghan. Head into the back room, say a fucking prayer, and put him to rest. You don't need to be standing over his grave to say goodbye."

Tears flood my eyes, because I feel like I do have to be standing over his grave to say goodbye. I don't feel like he'll ever forgive me for what I've done, and I need to see him. I have to.

"I want to go, Seungcheol. I have to go to him one more time. I won't ever have this chance again." It's true. If we run away, will I ever come back to Hellcrest Heights? Most likely not, and I'll never have this chance again.

"You can't, Jeonghan. You go, you get caught. It's as simple as that," he snaps at me.

My brow furrows. "I won't even go by them. I'll stay far away from the funeral party. I just want to go there. I want to... I need to be there."

He shakes his head at me. "No. That's my final answer."

I glance down at my jeans and black zip-up sweatshirt. My oversized black boots. How my hair is pulled into a messy bun because I don't have a brush. I have no makeup on. I'm a wreck. A mess, but I don't have any other option here. I'm not dressed for a funeral, but I want to go. I need to go.

I step toward Seungcheol and his eyes narrow at me. He knows I'm not going to back down, and we can either fight until he lets me, or he can step aside, come with me, and I can do what I need to do.

"Come with me, Seungcheol. Come with me and say goodbye to Vernon. I know you need to as well. Please, Seungcheol," I plead. "Please."

His body slowly loosens, until he's standing in front of me, staring at me blankly. He steps forward, his hand going to my chin. He tilts my head up, until he's watching me. His fingers are warm, strong as they pinch my chin.

I inhale, smelling the heady scent of Seungcheol as he envelops me.

"There's something about you, Jeonghan, but I can never say no to you. We can go, but we'll stay away, and you will not walk up to the funeral at all. If we see anything off, we fucking bolt. You hear me?"

I nod. I hear him.

"Thank you," I whisper, emotion bubbling in my chest.

"For you, Hannie, I'll give you the world. Even if it means I wouldn't survive," he rasps, and my heart fills, if even for this one moment.

I slide down, my spine sliding against the bark of the tree as I stare at the oversized crowd across the cemetery.

A cloud of black, from students to family members, all dressed in the color of death, surround the grave plot with the large, dark oak coffin propped above the dug-up hole in the ground.

A light snow falls from the heavy gray clouds which hang low in the sky. Each flake is perfectly formed as it falls on my arms, instantly dissipating into the dark fabric. I'm cold. It's cold outside, but I'm also cold inside.

Filled with so much death I've caused and had a hand in. Remorse doesn't ring through me, but a heaviness does, as if the fear and sorrow of all the dead cling to me, weighting me down into the earth. I can't do a thing but allow myself to grow numb to the death and absorb it as if it's my own bones.