Fade Into You

Do they know?

"Hey," Lizzie exhaled, sticking her tongue to the side of her mouth before looking back at her small group of all-female friends, "I'll meet you in a bit."

They all nodded with furrowed brows but left without another word as if she was the leader of this very weird little female cult I had stumbled into. When she looked back at me, I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.

"They don't know, do they?" I asked.

"Don't know what?" she replied, ignorantly cluelessly.

"That we fucking slept together Elizabeth," I bit back.

"Shhh please don't," she quietened me, pulling me down an ally way, out of sight, "I really- I- I can't do this, I'm sorry."

"For which part exactly?" I asked, slightly quieter, "for the part you took me back to yours but were gone before I was awake? For ignoring my messages? For literally disappearing for two fucking weeks?"

"I was really drunk," she shook her head.

"No, you weren't," I replied quickly, "we had both been drinking but you knew full well what you were doing."

She exhaled shakily and looked around for a few beats before looking back into my eyes, "you're the only girl I've been with ... I didn't even know I liked girls until you- until that night."

"That doesn't really answer any of my questions."

"I can't do a relationship right now Y/N," she sighed.

"I never once bought up a relationship," I laughed, slightly confused, "this is clearly not just one-sided because you kissed me back, I know this isn't in my head so please, just be honest ... do you have feelings for me?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I-"

"Don't lie ... did you kiss me because I was convenient?" I cut her off, "did you sleep with me because you were horny? Or because you were bored? Which was it, Liz? Because-"

This time she cut me off by kissing me, pushing my body up against the brick wall behind me. Furrowing my brows, I shoved her off me and scoffed.

"Are you fucking kidding?" I exclaimed.

"Y/N/N," she sighed, her chin shaking, "I- I do- I do like you that way but it's complicated and I got scared a-and I didn't know what to do. I thought if I avoided you, you'd forget about it, and we could go back to you just watching me on the bus."

"I'd rather you had just spoken to me," I replied.

"I didn't know I could," she exhaled, "I always have so much on my mind and when I was with you, I didn't care about anything else but you."

"You're gonna need to try better than that," I shook my head.

"I have all these feelings," she started again, "feelings for you and I don't know what to do with them. I wanted to call and ask you out for a drink or to come over and watch a film. But I didn't want to lead you on if I wasn't ready for something more serious so I just- I just didn't."

"Being with me, if that's what you wanted, it wouldn't need to be this huge, big deal," I sighed, "I have had a crush on you for months and when you kissed me back, I knew I wasn't in some weird unrequited situation. I really like you, and because I really like you, I don't want to force you into doing anything you don't want to do so ... tell me; do I keep shooting my shot or do you just like the chase?"

She bit her cheek and searched my eyes, "you deserve someone who knows what they want. I'm really complicated-"

"You're not," I exhaled, "yeah, you've been a bit of a fucking dickhead, but I think you're trying to find reasons to push me away. I want you Lizzie, I don't care how that starts. We can go as fast or slow as you want but I'm not going to bother if this isn't reciprocated."