Fade Into You

Leave it

Lizzie wasn't on the bus Monday morning. Nor Tuesday or Wednesday for that matter. She went radio silent for the next ten days. I heard nothing from her so eventually I gave up. I stopped messaging her and I didn't call her again. I found I had stopped looking for her altogether. For her, it was nothing more than a one-night stand. That's all I was to her.

Y/N
Hope you're okay

Scarlet on the other hand had been more loved up than I had ever seen her. Emily started visiting every few days and they had gone on multiple dates. I was happy for her, of course I was but I was so deeply fucking jealous. Not that she had someone who loved and appreciated her but more than it was her. I was right in saying there were no feelings there anymore but still, there is an undeniable envy of what Emily is getting but maybe that's because I'm not getting anything at all. I'm getting complete and utter silence.

Y/N
You could at least have the decency to message back

I decided now was as good a time as any to put my energy into university. A master's degree was much harder than I thought it would be, I'm going to be honest. I had realised I spent a lot of my undergraduate time doing anything but uni work, so now that more was riding on it, it seemed a lot more full on and a lot harder. It could be my sense of sobriety or maybe the dullness of my tutor, but I was just not interested in what was going on. I found myself scrolling through Pinterest and clothes shops online to keep my attention off the medieval poetry displayed on the screen in front of me. It wasn't until I was called on did my attention flicked back to the task at hand.

"Ummm I don't know," I replied to the question 'what do you think'.

My tutor gave me a disapproving look but moved on, talking to someone else as I closed my irrelevant tabs and stared down at the empty Word document on my laptop.  Over the past few weeks my outfits had become more lazy and so did my effort in appearance at uni as a whole. I didn't feel like I needed to impress anyone now so why did I need to make an effort? I was still getting attention of course but it wasn't from anyone that mattered. There were people from class, coffee shops and even the bus, believe it or not, but all I wished was that Lizzie would text me back, that she would climb onto the bus and smile at me like nothing happened.

But I don't know if that's what I want.

I want a fucking explanation.

As my lecture drew to a close, I quickly packed up my bag and almost literally ran out of the room to avoid conversation with my tutor who definitely knew I wasn't paying any attention for the past 2 hours. The second I walked into the morning Irish sun, my best friend was standing waiting outside the lecture hall, leaning against the tree in the gayest little outfit, no doubt Emily's jumper covering half of her body, with two iced lattes in her hand and a big smile on her face, holding one coffee out toward me and pushing herself off the tree so we could go home, she stepped forward and slightly bowed at me.

"Thank youuu," I softly sang, sipping it through the flimsy paper straw as we walked towards our usual bus stop on the far side of campus, "how was your lesson?" I asked her.

"I didn't go," she laughed, a blush on her cheeks as she formed the next sentence, "Emily surprised me with breakfast-"

"You should probably still go to uni," I giggled, not really joking but needing it to have a jokey tone, "you know this degree is pretty important," like I paid any attention myself.

"Sorry mother," she furrowed her brows, looking over at me and searching my body for reactions, "what's pissed you off so much this morning?"

"Nothing, I'm not pissed off," I replied, sipping my drink but not bothering to meet her eyes.