I realise that I was taught to be afraid, taught to fear the consequences to the point of being indecisive, taught to shrink myself because otherwise, I was too loud and wild. Not their fault. Maybe I really needed to be tamed. What I don't like is how that changed into being a pleaser. Who would I have been if I weren't always this afraid? Why am I still unable to become that person when I have been given that chance? The next generation depends on me. What I really want to do is to live without fearing the consequences, to be true to myself. I want to enjoy the moments without being afraid that it is going to come to an end. I don't want to feel like my entire chest is caving in under the pressure of life. I want to see this life as a gift rather than as a curse, something to be done away with. I want to be grateful rather than bitter n a wounded victim when I really am better off.
