Don't Deserve You (GxG)

Twenty nine

I felt the bed shift as she let go of me and stood up. "It's getting late I should probably head home and let you get some rest."

"Right." I stood up too following her down the hall.

"Alright so the notes are in the kitchen but we can look them over tomorrow or later in the week, you can always text me when your ready to meet up again, I know you have my number." She joked and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Thanks again." I leaned against the wall. "For doing all of this."

"Of course. I'm just glad your okay." She gave me a small smile before shutting the door.

"I'm just glad your okay." Her words replayed over in my head the rest of the night. Was I actually okay?

I had basically confessed two times now how I felt about her and both times she had somehow avoided answering back. Maybe it was me, maybe I was moving too fast with her I mean the woman is in fact dealing with a divorce currently. The least I can do is leave her alone and not add anymore confusing problems onto what she's already going through.

I fell asleep early that night as my body felt worn out again, probably the side effects of my concussion.

~
The next few days I stayed in my apartment, I had told Evelyn that she didn't need to come over as I could figure out her notes for myself. She argued back at first but I was convincing enough to finally get her to leave me alone. I figured I needed some time to rest up and get my feelings for her under control before I confessed anything else to her for like the millionth time.

I mean I really only have one real friend and it's her and I've somehow managed to confess my love towards her twice and tell her my depressing background story which probably should've only been shared to a therapist, definitely not my professor so I've decided to take a break from this vulnerability.

Austin was nice enough to let me take a leave of absence from the bar after hearing about my injury, which was good cause obviously I wouldn't be able to work in these conditions quite yet.

I decided next week I would start going to my classes again since staying at home and rotting in bed was beginning to get very boring and lonely as a matter of fact.

Megan reached out to me which made me happy since we haven't spoken in sometime and she said once I'm feeling up for it we can get together again for a coffee or something.

Apparently I won't be seeing her in class anymore, something about having to drop the class cause she was too overwhelmed with all the course work. I didn't really understand what she way saying but I was sad to see her go.

It was now about midway through the week and the pounding in my head was beginning to subside. Walking into my kitchen I noticed the notes Evelyn had left me and decided maybe I would look through them before I got behind in my classes.

I took a seat on my couch opening the notes and scanning over the pages. On each page there was writing in red pen which I'm assuming Evelyn wrote giving small explanations to each topic.

As I read through each one I started to wonder if she made these small notes just for me, meaning she took time outside of class to do extra work in order to help me better understand the material.

How sweet.

I shut the notes taking a deep breath as I started to realize something.

I know we still haven't exactly explained how we both feel, we'll one of us hasn't explained themselves. But maybe I was jumping to conclusion too fast, looking back at all the conversations we've had together; not once did I wait for her to explain herself or her actions. It was always me comforting her and then attempting to flirt with her without even noticing how she felt about all of this. Maybe I was being too forward in the matter that I kept pushing my feelings onto her without giving her a chance to say what she was wanting out of all of this. As soon as we were interrupted I would always shut her out because I second guessed myself and those feelings bursted into anger.

I was self sabotaging before even giving our friendship a chance. Thinking about it now I don't think I would be able to go on in life without having Evelyn Claire in it somewhere. Whether it be a professor or friend or maybe even something more at least if I stopped pushing her away we would be able to keep any relationship whether it be platonic or not.

For Christ sakes I'm only 19, why the hell was I constantly trying to jump this woman's bones every chance I could get. I mean I practically forced her to end her marriage not even sure of whether she was ready for that new chapter or not.

Real mature Blake.

I paced around my complex before grabbing a bottle of wine and pouring myself a glass.

I was gonna take the rest of the week to really sit back and look at all options here. Then when I go back to school on Monday I'll let her come to me, I'm not gonna push myself onto her if she isn't wanting to reciprocate it back. I'm gonna be the bigger person, maybe even show her that although I'm younger I'm mature enough to make these decisions without reaching to delusional conclusions.

I was gonna be a better version of myself not just for her but for my sake as well.