Trevek: Hosting Feelings

Tranquillo

Derek's POV:
"He knows, he knows; holy shit he knows!!!" Trevor exclaims while leaving a size 10 shoe indention on the pliable carpet of his bedroom floor. "He knows Derek. He fucking knows!"

My eyes follow my frantic boyfriend nervously. "Trev, you've been saying that for over 10 minutes since we got in the house. Maybe just calm your tits and...

"Calm. CALM!" Trevor says, looking at me like I had just suggested we tapdance over a Polynesian volcano. "Ok, Derek, this is progress," I think to myself. Now I know what not to say. Yay...

"How can I be calm, Derek?!? He saw us; Jesus, he heard us." Trev says, covering his face with his palms. Heard the banging, thrusting and moaning. I swore a lot and, oh God, the yelling." He looked mortified, and not without good reason. I wasn't too jazzed his old man caught wind of us doing the ol horizontal monster mash. Really, it was more vertical, but, semantics.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure he only heard me." After saying it, I noticed 2 things. 1: I was nowhere near as embarrassed as I should be; it was almost as if Trevor sucked in all the mortification like a black hole, and didn't leave any for me in the void of getting caught in 4k. And 2: Trevor looked like it did not, in fact, make him feel better.

"You really think this is funny, Derek. This changes everything." Trev says seriously, staring at me as if he's trying to set me on fire like his raging panic.

"Does it, though?" I say testing the waters; I gotta calm him down, mostly for his own good because I care about him and partly because dinners almost ready and me no likey cold food.

"Trev, we knew this could happen since we started this whole," be bi do crime and makeout relationship. I know a lot of our discussions were hypothetical, but let's break it down. So your dad knows you like boys. Big deal. You can't tell me they didn't consider it after the way you dance."

I know I'm making light of the situation, but it's how I cope. It also usually makes Trev feel better since he overthinks everything. Also, I feel like if I take the time to think about this too long, I'll start to panic.

"Come on, the sway of the hips is a dead giveaway." I say, illustrating my point by swerving my body around like a drunken surfer.

Trevor doesn't say anything, but he's stopped pacing, probably silently considering my words. I know he's upset, but I can also tell he wants to simle just a little at my comment.

"My moves are manly and graceful." He says bearly above a whisper. Bingo.

"And what about all the fanart you saved of you shipping male characters together? Your mom found the file and said what Trev?"

"These characters are all so cute. It's adorable that you saved so much inclusive art." He imitates in his mom's  high voice. "And then she called me the pogressive pioneer." Trevor recollects, starting to find his stride.

"Exactly. Oh, and let's not forget the whole lipsync thing." I state clearly on a roll.

"I killed that 'Don't cha' song. It was catchy as hell, too." Trev states almost proudly.

"See, there's that confidence, Trev, and besides, doesn't your dad always say be who you are? Love what you do and feel how you feel?" I say, getting Trev to sit down on his bed with me.

"Well, he gets those slogans from Millennial Fortune cookies, but... he does tend to live by them."

"Right? And your parents always show some kind of rainbow motif for pride month in recognition of thier queer coworkers, right? And it's not just some corporate attempt at allyship. They truly love equality."

"I guess you're right, but..."

"Nuh ah, no butts my man," I say, hand on his sholders, eyes locked to his. You are an amazing, skilled writer/dancer/technician. You have great taste in music, smart financial skills, a keen eye for organization, and the biggest heart I've ever seen. That's why I feel in love with you. I've always cared about you, but you made me care about myself and anyone who doesn't accept you is fucking insane. But your parents will because they love you almost as much as I do.

Oh shit is he crying. Oh shit am I crying. Man, I really know how to bring out the drama in day to day life.

Trevor grabs me and pulls me in tight, embracing while nuzzling into my neck. I hug him tighter, relishing in the contact; somehow almost feeling the panic and stress ease out of his body. Rubbing his back I feel him sigh, breaking up a lot of the worry he was harboring. I break the embrace, so I can cup his cheeks and plant a kiss on his lips, leaning into him to get the full, passionate effect. He kisses me back, tender but firm, trying to dispel some of the burden he feels. I make the kiss impactful; full and encouraging, as if to say: you got this shit.

The kiss only lasts a couple of seconds more before I hear his dad call out.

"Boys. Dinner."

Guess that's our cue. Trev tenses a little but seems more resolved now that we made some semblence of our whole outting debacle.

He stands and then offers his hand to me. I take it without hesitation.

"Ok, I'm ready, but will you help me? Tell them I mean?" He asks, searching my face.

"Duh, of course. Partners in the streets, partners in the sheets, partners performing feats. I got your back." I say, dapping him up with a fist bump. It's always interesting how we go back and forth from high fives and fists bumps to hugs and kisses, but I love it.

"You sound like a bad rapper," he giggles. It's adorable. "But thank you, I'm glad I have you." He says taking my hand and squeezing.

"Just remember, whenever I do like this," I start showing him me taking both of my hands and bringing them palms down slowly toward my midsection like a fitness breathing exercise, " when I do this just tranquillo."

He raises an eyebrow, clearly momentarily confused.

"Tranquillo man; spanish for calm. Its what Mrs. Rodriguez tells you all the time when you get hyper before a test."

"Oh yeah. The fact that you remember that is honestly impressive. I mean you.

"Ok ignoring that jab because I'm helping you and kicking your ass would be unproductive." I say lightly punching his shoulder. "If at anytime you get too nervous, just watch me and..." I demonstrate the gesture one more time, "Tranquillo."

"Ok," he says sighing with resolve, "Tranquillo." He finishes nodding his head before we both make our way down the steps. We honestly have nothing to worry about in hindsight but, in that moment, I felt connected to Trev like never before. Total chaos will do that to you. And total drama.