Saving Ryder

Ryder

I'm feeling so emotions right now. I don't even know why I'm sitting in the waiting room anymore. Silas isn't my son, but I love him like he is. I've never hated someone as much as I hate Caelix and Siege. They're both lying manipulative assholes. The only thing I have right now is Shaleigh, and I love her more than anything in this entire world. She is my world, and I'm okay with just having her. I think I said something to hurt her though, and I didn't mean to. I get up from my seat, and exit the emergency room. I need air, but I'm not getting enough. It's like something is blocking my air passage, and I have a feeling it's this lump in my throat. I begin pacing back and forth, but it's becoming harder to walk. Everything I've known my whole life was a lie. The thing that gets me the most is why did Siege blame me for everything if it was never my child to begin with? Nothing could've ever prepared me for what I am feeling now. I grip the hospital wall because that's the only thing that's keeping me up right now. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and as soon as I turn around I see Shaleigh. Her face is blood red, and I can tell she's been crying. "Are you okay?" I ask, but I already know the answer. I know she's not okay, and whatever it is, it's been bothering her since earlier.
"I don't want to talk about it right now." She responds, and I don't argue because I know it'll make things worse, so instead I grab her and hold her because that's what she needs right now. She needs me to hug her and let her know I'm here for her. I can feel her shoulders rise and fall with every sob, and it's breaking my heart. I need to know what's wrong with her. The worst thing in this world is feeling alone when you aren't.
"I love you." I say out loud. She needs to know someone loves her, and me more than anyone does.
"I love you too, Ryder." She says in between sobs, and I can't stand her like this, so I do what any reasonable guy would do. I pick her up bridal style, and carry her away from the hospital, and all the way to my car, and sit her in the passenger seat. Shutting the door behind her, I walk to the driver's side and get in starting the engine. "Where are we going?" She asks.
"Home. We are going home, and we are going to discuss what is wrong with you because it's breaking my heart to see you like this and not know what's wrong. You're my main priority, and I've been too blinded to see that. From now on it's about you and I, and nobody else." Maybe that would reassure her.
"Ryder, it's not just that. If you still want your ex still you should've stayed with her. You should've fought for her just as hard as you fight for me. If you weren't ready to move on, you shouldn't have started dating me because honestly, how am I supposed to know if you're going to go back to her, or even if you still love her. I don't want to have to go through that pain. I don't know how to fit into your world, Ryder. Every time I try it's a different thing. I wish things were easier, but they aren't. Everything is just making my head spin in circles. I've had everyone leave me, Ryder. My dad left me when I was little. He use to abuse me, and that's something I've never told anyone. Maybe if I would've been better he would've stayed, but he didn't. I deserved everything. If you want, you can leave just like him, but don't drag it out." Her voice is shaking as she speaks, and I feel like this is her goodbye to me. I don't know if I'm ready for a goodbye. I don't think I really ever will be. Goodbyes have never really be my thing. Then again, neither have relationships since before Shaleigh. I don't really know what made me want to change, but she has become the best thing that's ever walked into my life, and if she walked out, things would never be the same.... I would never be the same. That's the thing about love. You have to sacrifice the things you never thought you'd have to. You have to fight for what you love, and when you don't fight, then you prove to them it didn't really matter.
"Your dad use to fucking abuse you? You never told me that, baby. Why the hell? It's not your fault. He had no right to do that shit to you. You never deserved that." I'm beyond pissed now. My face is boiling with anger. She didn't respond though. It was a silent ride home the rest of the time, but it wasn't the bad kind of silence that was unbearable. It was the comfortable kind. The kind that didn't need to be broken. The kind where the sounds of her breath was the most amazing sound.
When we pull up at the house she doesn't move. She sits there staring out the window at the starry night sky. I don't know what to say so I just grab her hand. She doesn't turn towards me, but she interlocks her fingers with mine.
"What's wrong?" I ask breaking the silence.
"I don't know how to tell you." She responds, and I can tell it's hurting her. I grab her face and turn it towards me so she's looking at me.
"Whatever it is, we'll get through it, we always do. I love you with all of my heart. I know sometimes things are hard, but everyone has obstacles they're going to face. It's how you face those obstacles that matter. I'm a pain in the ass, but you've always managed to stick by my side, even when I don't deserve it. You're a pain in my ass as well, but there's no one I love more than you. You're the light at the end of the tunnel, my happiness, and my life. Without you, I'm not whole, and if you walked away, I would never be the same again."
"I'm pregnant." She says, and I feel my heart drop. Did she just say she was pregnant? I can't breathe. I need to escape. This can't be happening to me. I don't want to be a father, not after everything that has happened to me. I do what every bad guy does in a situation like this. I get out of the car and start walking. I don't know where I'm going, but I can't stay here. She's screaming at me to come back, but I can't. She now has every right to hate me. I completely abandoned her when she needed me, but how do I do this? The emotions going through me right now are unbearable. Out of all the things I was expecting this wasn't one of them. I left her pregnant and alone, and I've never felt less like a man in my entire life. I continue walking, but the whole entire time I feel like shit. I want this with her. I want a family with her, and I want a forever with her. She's my forever. I turn right back around and I start sprinting. Full force sprinting. My feet won't slow down. Next thing you know I'm weaving in and out of people, and knocking stuff over. I don't care though. All I care about is getting back to her. It takes me five minutes to get to where I left her, but it feels like forever. She's no longer sitting in the car, so I sprint inside. She's sitting on the couch crying, and I feel like complete shit. This is how I left her.
Lonely.
Broken.
Crying.
God damn I'm a fucking asshole. I walk over to her slowly, and place my hand on hers. "I'm so sorry." I manage to say. She doesn't respond though. "You didn't deserve that. I was a complete asshole when I walked out, but it completely took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say, or even what to do. I want this though. I want this kid with you. I want to be able to give you and our baby the world. That's all I've ever wanted. I may not show it at times. I've always had a hard time opening up, and this is my first real relationship I've ever had, so I don't really know how to handle these kind of things. Love has never been my area of expertise. I do know one thing though. I love you more than anything in this world. You're my true happiness, and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. I shouldn't have walked out. I know I've said that a lot, but I feel like complete shit. I wasn't even that far down the road when I started sprinting back to you. I instantly felt like shit for walking out on my pregnant girlfriend. I'm mad at myself for getting you pregnant before I could do this." I get down on two knees, and pull out the ring in my pocket that I've had for a little over a week now waiting for the perfect timing. "I've loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you, and I haven't stopped for a moment since. I never want to live without you. I want to spend the rest of our lives proving that I am good enough for you. This is why I am getting down on not one, but two knees to tell you to marry me, because I can't live without you." She's now looking up at me crying harder.
"Yes. Of course I'll marry you." She says, grabbing me and kissing me through her sobs. I stand up and pick her up spinning her in circles. I'm engaged to the love of my life, my soul mate, my forever.
"I love you so much." I say to her.
"And I love you." She replies.