Me: Okay okay, then tell me, when some random girl jumps you and starts choking you, what the hell can you do?
Luiz: Stay calm. Use your words. Try to de-escalate. If necessary, use minimal force to protect yourself ✋. MMA teaches us discipline and self-control, not violence.
Me: Well I can't talk when I can't breathe, huh? 💢
Luiz: Try. Use body language. Tap out. Anything but resorting to violence. Remember, discipline and respect.
Me: Tap out? I'm trying to walk home after grocery shopping, this isn't a fight! 😤 Someone just jumped me! Please, tell me, how can I resort to peace then? They squashed my fucking pecan pie 😢.
Luiz: Protect your groceries! Use minimal force to defend yourself, then walk away. No need for revenge or violence. MMA teaches self-control.
Me: Okay, how can I defend myself when I'm being choked? 🤨
Luiz: Use your hands to push their hands away 🙌🏿. Use your legs to kick their legs 🦵🏿. Try to create distance. Use your voice to de-escalate. MMA teaches us to defend ourselves, but also to avoid violence when possible.
Me: Be more specific. 🧐
Luiz: Use your thumbs to push their eyes 👀😱. Use your fingers to push their throat 🌬🚫😱😱. Kick their knees 🦵🏿😱😱😱. Yell "STOP!" 📢🛑😱😱😱😱 MMA teaches defense and de-escalation.
Me: Damn, that's foul play. Not allowed in the city 🙅♀️. We're not total neanderthals.
Luiz: Nope. Not recommended. Avoid violence, always ☝️. MMA teaches discipline and respect.
Me: Yes, exactly. So what can I do when this girl is choking me?
Luiz: Protect yourself with minimal force. Use your hands to push her hands away. Use your legs to kick her legs. Try to create distance. Yell "STOP!" 3️⃣ MMA teaches us to defend ourselves, but also to avoid violence when possible.
Me: That seemed pretty violent to me, for a commoner like you...Still, that's to mellow! Then the girl'll just carve out my gut with her knife. Once she slowly jabs her knife and digs it in my stomach, what do i do???
Luiz: Call the police! Knife attacks are illegal and dangerous. 🙈 MMA does not teach us to handle violent situations like that. Prioritize your safety and seek help.
Me: Yeah? I can't call the police in the heat of the moment without her going cannibal and eating my arm off 😒.
See, you're no help. You can't learn shit from MMA.
Luiz: Protect your arm! Use your other arm and legs to defend yourself. MMA teaches us to use our bodies to protect ourselves.
Me: Yes, but how do I escape with peace? All of these solutions require fighting back. 🤨
Luiz: Try to de-escalate. Use your words to calm her down. MMA teaches us discipline and respect. 🗣
Me: I can't talk, I'll be shouting in pain.
Luiz: Try to stay calm. Use your body language to de-escalate. MMA teaches us self-control.
Me: I can't! This girl is OUT of control, gutting me and pinning me to the ground!
Luiz: Protect your vital organs. Use your hands and legs to defend yourself. MMA teaches us survival techniques.
Me: Peace, violence...what's your fighting method then? The unpredictable odds of what'll you choose? I doubt you have that much of a brain to pull that off.
YOU ARE READING
Sweet Cupcakes (and other "stories")
AdventureA bunch of D&D style stories I made with AI. Some of these are going to reference to my other story, FNF Multiverse. So if for some magical reason you see this description, go give that book a read instead, because that's an actual, readable FNF sto...
