I'm twenty five years old who still have faith despise the things I go through in life.
Or the situation I put myself in due to trusting men.
I hoped my father was brave enough to protect me. He's all barks and no bites, but he's still a nice guy.
I never trusted my mother's boyfriend. He's still a pervert. Cries and pleads so much my mother foolishly believes his lies.
When I told her that he was touching me weirdly on my feet and shoulders, she said she believed but said or did nothing to him. It's forever the greatest pain I've ever seen and felt.
To have a mother I look up to be so foolishly weak and stupidly in love.
Going through mentally and physically abuse just to gain a little finance and affection. She fears being alone and I pity her.
This perverted man has no self-respect, for I've cursed and disrespected him senselessly and he sees it as nothing. Coming back crawling and she opens her door for him.
I've done so plenty of times but I realized that I'm only wasting my energy. I'm trying to protect someone who doesn't need protecting.
She's protecting a guy that listens in on my private conversations and uses it again me in arguments. Trying to lower my self esteem or to win fights.
She's protecting a guy that stares at me weirdly and it sicks my stomach at that sight of him. Or even his fake voice that he uses to portrays being a good guy.
I've learnt a few valuable lessons.
I have no say in my mother's fucked up life, but I can always say 'I told you so' internally when she starts complaining. It's her life, it's her house and if she wants to lose both to a mad man that seems more than mentally ill then she can go ahead.
For everytime he treats her like a young gyal on the streets, she forgave him after his lame apology and treats him like a king.
Being poor yet trying to survive. I'm often amused by the way she goes low and behold to find food to feed that long belly man.
Cooking what he doesn't provide and the list is so long. I promised myself never to treat a boyfriend like I would do for my husband.
I made a life for myself and I can do without a man if I leave him at anytime.
I see them as a option, never a priority.
Then here I am looking out at the snow seeming to be a lot higher than it was five days ago.
All alone and that reminds me of how I'll be more than likely to survive more than Blake.
Sure he grew up here in the States, but as a guy that is partially well off, he'll be able to hire someone to do the work he can't do himself.
He's another coward that run from situations and doing so poorly at lying.
Maybe I do have daddy issues, but what is it really?
Is trusting no man and refusing to putting out my all, one of the signs?
Is seeing through their bullshit and calling it out for what it is without feeling remorseful, is it a bad trait?
Should I treat a man that seeks mothering energy to live a life getting sheltered by a masculine female?
I refuse to have the mentality of a sweet girl. To see a trying or lazy man and think that I'll be the person to help or change him. Never.
I'm no way the type of person that downplay a man for being who he is, but saying what he's not is the issue.
The fake masculine male is a huge turn off and a big red flag. It's like seeing a teen boy waking up with a deep voice and thought he can use it for the whole day.
I longed for a real man. Someone who I can be a female around and not his mommy.
Someone who could be able to find the satellite in this cold dark basement.
Giving up again, I returned upstairs to keep the fire going.
One week in isolation seems to have me going crazy because there's a knock on the window.
Fear gripped me as I looked where I was once peeking through the opened drapes and made eye contact with a pair of gem green eyes.
I stared without moving, thinking of grabbing the loaded gun I saw in the drawer or the knifes from the kitchen.
It's a man.
The bearded face says it all because it couldn't be bigfoot.
He seems to be in tired but I felt no remorse until I saw him with a phone. Turning the screen towards me and it's a photo of Aaron.
Getting up, I rushed over as this is the hope I was waiting for.
I moved the drapes and my eyes widened to see how deep he was in the snow.
Definitely wet and cold out there with those sad excuse of a winter outfit.
"Aaron called!" He yelled but it came softly from my side. Proving the window is sealed safely to keep the cold weather out as well.
"How will you get in!" I yelled.
This window is a huge no, but the door would be a little better.
"Can you manage to open the door?" He asked.
I pointed to the right. "Yeah. It's like seven steps down!"
He looks down as I held back my laugher as he's on his stomach laying on snow.
How he reached the side door could only mean that the front door is covered.
With all the ice on the roof that could collapse on him.
As he rolled to the right, I rushed over and tries my best to open it.
After a good two minutes, it opened successfully.
He throws some bags inside and I put them aside as he climbs down.
"Can you get a shovel so I can clean this up?"
I'm looking at this man in his wet clothes covered in snow and he's looking for work.
Does he want to die?
"The bathroom is in the center of the hallway there." I point. "There's plenty towels and everything to get yourself warm."
His brows furrowed but he nods, taking off his boots and puts it aside.
As he left, I rushed for the shovel from the basement then returns. Scooping the snow away from the door so I can close it.
The wind blowing so viciously and I shook my head at the though of accepting this cabin on the mountain as a place to be for the winter.
I closed the door and cleaned up before returning to the couch.
"Rae!" I heard him say, giving enough reason to trust that Aaron did sent him.
"Yes?" I answered.
"Can you pass me the blue bag if it's no trouble?" He asked.
"Coming." I replied, getting up and got the bag, though it's soaked a bit and heavy also. I put it at the door and knocked. "The bag is a bit wet."
He opens the door and I looked away when I took a glimpse at his tattooed skin, holding the bag out.
"Thank you."
I hummed, walking away but stopped. "I can put something in the dryer for you and if you wants to do it yourself, it's the last door down the hall. You can take the front room, it's unoccupied and I have food as well as hot coffee in the kitchen."
"Thanks again." He says.
"You're welcome." I nods, leaving right away.
This is interesting.
I held the cup up to my lips and realizes that it's cold as ice.
Sighing, I added a little more wood to the fire and went to warm more coffee.
