Levi Ackerman, Unforgivable

27. My pain

"Porco..." I moan.

The air freezes as the the turn of the events hit me like a brick.

I can feel him twicth but this time... Not only from the pleasure. I look up at him.

Levi keeps up his movements, his eyes avoiding mine, he shuts them when he feels me gazing at him. He wants to go further than this, he wants to finish but...

"Fuck... I can't stop thinking..."

He mutters under his breath. His expression shows deep hurt... I feel like I stabbed him right in the heart and twisted it twice.

But the more he seems to think the more his emotions turn into anger and he suddenly stops the movement.

"I can't do this..." He whispers as he lets go of me, not caring when my whole body goes limp due to exhaustion and I fall forward from his desk onto the floor. As I try to catch my breath, my body still full of need to be satisfied...

"If I can't have you like how I want... Then I don't want you at all..." He says taking a step backwards.

That... That hurt...

He suddenly grabs my chin forcing me to look up at him, towering over me, looking directly into my eyes. "All the effort I spent on this... On you... Was a complete waste of time." He gets off me and he pulls away, looking at me with a disgusted expression.

That hurt even more...

Without another word he walks away and he leaves me lying there on the floor and doesn't care whether I hit my head or that I'm weak and need help...

He just wants me to get as far away from him as possible and not bother him anymore. Because in the end, there is no one he hates more than me right now.

How could this happen to us...?

I watch him leave the office, and all I can do is lay there and gaze at the ceiling.

~~~

After a long moment I finally gather my strength to stand up to reach for my clothes.

I manage to make myself get up and walk away. I feel weak and my body feels sore and exhausted. It feels as if I've let him down... Both of them and I feel like it is all over.

I am a failure... I let everyone down... Even myself.

The emptiness I feel after feeling so full and loved while we were making love in the first minutes... If only I didn't get my memories back... Everything would be fine and he'd kiss my forehead and and bring me to bed and cuddle... We'd feel satisfied...

What will come after this? Will we be able to sort this out? Or I should just find that tree an go back to the outside?

Should I actually give up on us, Levi?

Did you give up on us?

Maybe I should have just let him do whatever, now I'm alone, and God knows if he will even look at my direction.

I tear up as I walk the empty corridors at night. I really started to love him and then he did this... It changed everything...

It's a horrible feeling when a situation that I thought was just getting started completely changes with one decision.

I loved the feeling of my body being in his control and him making all the decisions for us, I felt like he could satisfy me in every way and loved that feeling. But now that feeling is gone and I start regretting everything.