Levi Ackerman, Unforgivable

9. All I'm capable of.

His pov,

After Erwin told me his big plan in private, I had to face reality.

"We're all gonna die!" One of the soldiers shouts at Erwin and me as they face us, Erwin is explaining the last mission they have to go with. The panic in the soldiers rises.

"That's right. But this one move gives Levi the chance to win over The Beast Titan." Erwin says seriously.

I feel my throat tightening as I keep gazing forward, avoiding the soldiers eyes. They are all so young and inexperienced. Damn. And here I am... The only one who has a chance to go back alive.

"Levi, you will use those Titans that are surrounding us to get close to the Beast, use your gas with caution. We all... We are going to be the distraction..."

I can't even pay attention to Erwin's monologue. Do I really have to do this? We really don't have another way out of this? That means... Erwin... He has to die here too. 

After everything we have been through together, it seems to be unacceptable for me. This can't be real...

Then I simply shut down my emotions and I gaze forward, hearing the rocks hit the houses. This is the sound of the end. The Beast almost got us already. Meanwhile, who the hell knows what is happening on the otherside of the wall...

After a while, all the soldiers seem to agree to the plan. I can clearly see the fear in their eyes, but I can't blame them. 

As everyone finally prepared for the last fight, I walk right past Erwin.

"I know I can trust in your abilities, here, everyone does." Erwin says looking at me. He tries to stop me and say a proper goodbye, but I don't feel enough strenght to at least look him in the eyes. 

"I know Erwin... I know" That is all I can say. I leave.

When I arrive in my starting position I look at Erwin for the very last time. Then they attack. I watch as they all storm out to the field shouting for their lives.

I know I have to take action. 

I take a deep breath as I choose my focus to attack. I feel the wind blow at my ears as I fly through the sky as I struck down my first victim. An ugly Titan with bright blue ocean eyes. I hear as his body falls on the ground as I keep flying to my next target.

I kill the Titans in front of me one by one. Closer and closer to the finish. Meanwhile I still can hear their death screams. My fellow soldiers are falling on the field, just like the Titans. 

I can't bear the sound as I look over what is happening on the field far away from me, and I freeze in the air. The scene that unfolds before my eyes... I have seen this before but... Now I seem to feel a deep sickness down my subconscious that I never felt before. 

Or at least I choose not to feel.

"Erwin..." I see him fall.

The female Titan catches me in the air as she squeezes me in her hand. "Erwin..." I whisper just again. My friend. My brother...

The Titan opens her big mouth to throw me inside, I feel helpless as her tight grip loosens and sends me flying. In the next moment I feel her warm tounge under my back. 

That is it? I ask myself. This is how death feels like? 

I can't let go the fact that I saw Erwin's dead body fall to the ground as our fellow soldiers kept shouting and kept going. 

I can't let their sacrifice be a faliure! But everything seems so peaceful here. No duty, expectation, no more war. It would be so easy to just let go, right?