Crushing College

5

Really? Just friends, Tae?  I was hoping you had the same feelings for me and that I wasn't crazy for falling hard but sure...okay...just friends.

I stared at Tae and stuck out my jaw, saying nothing. "Sorry, Jennie," he said, as he walked away. He went inside the walk-in freezer and shut the door with a loud click. It was like the closure I needed to prove I didn't have a chance with him. I crinkled my nose in his direction, pressing my lips together.

Lisa startled me when she nudged my good elbow. "What just happened?" she asked, her doe eyes wide with curiosity.

"Well, I got an answer from Tae," I answered with sad eyes. 

Lisa patted my shoulder in sympathy. Wrapping my head around what Tae said, I wondered if he meant friends, just for now. Because friends don't say words that make friends feel like more than just friends. I was over pretending so I had resolved right there to put the "end" in friends, but he obviously had other plans.

I wished I could march into that freezer and tell Tae how I really felt. Friends are not supposed to get too close and feel emotions that we were feeling. Because once we cross the line there was no denying him and I could never turn around. We would never be the same. But unfortunately for me it never got to that point. 

When I noticed Kai up ahead in the line, sliding his tray along the counter towards us, I whispered to Lisa, "Look, who's coming."

Her eyes followed mine and a look of understanding came over her. "Are you gonna talk to him?"

"No...I think I still have a chance with Tae." I pretended to look off in the distance with dreamy eyes.

Lisa grabbed me by the shoulders and pierced me with her stare. "Jennie, let me give you some advice-"

"I'm just kidding," I said with a giggle. "Okay, here he comes."

Within seconds, Kai was in front of me awaiting his plate of pasta. When I handed it to him, he leaned forward a little as if anticipating something more from me. It encouraged me and I took it as a sign. 

"Hey, Kai...how about a study date this weekend?"

~~~~~~~

That Friday night, I checked myself in the mirror, applied a deep rose tint on my lips, and spritzed some perfume on my neck before leaving my dorm room. I knocked on Kai's door and he gestured for me to take a seat at his desk while he sat on his bed. With the two of us alone, since his roommate was away for the weekend, I took the time to survey his room. Purple crystals sat on a shelf next to a glass bottle labeled "patchouli" and a thin burning stick. A heavy, pungent smell filled the room and reminded me of bookstores near the beach in LA that sold New Age books and wind chimes.

I started to pull on the zipper of my backpack to take out some paper and asked, "Have you started the next problem set?"

"Wait. We can do that later. I want to talk and get to know you," Kai said, relaxing into some pillows placed behind him against the wall. "It looks like you are ready to leave."

I looked down and noticed the way I was sitting on the edge of the chair so I scooted and leaned back. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I relaxed. To take some pressure off, I told myself this was just a study date. 

"So talk," he said.

For the next several minutes I told him about my interests and hobbies, about the short film I was making for film class, and my upbringing, most details but not all. I mentioned how my dad passed away two years ago and that segued to how Kai came to America around that time.