Digital Delicacy (SaMS SolarMoon Ship)

Oh God Fucking Dammit

I was trying to speak. That didn't work. I just stood there with my mouth open like an idiot while making sounds that can only be described as 'confused screaming but you lost your voice so all people hear is a soft "uuuhhhhhhhhhh"'.

Moon waited for me to answer, arms crossed over his chest. It was hard to see, but I think his fingers were trembling. "Well?"

I had no idea what to say, of course. Classic Solar. This whole time, I thought he wasn't even looking at me because he was ashamed. Solar of all people, I thought he was thinking. But no. It was because of me. I had just walked out and left him to wake up on his own. 

It was my fault.

"Moon..." My voice was weaker than I wanted, so I cleared my throat and tried again. "Moon, I... I thought you were... I don't know, disgusted. I didn't want you to wake up and see me of all people. So I walked out before you could..."

Moon looked just as shocked as I felt. "I thought you walked out because you only saw me as some discarded sex toy or something." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Why-why would I be disgusted by you?"

I chuckle humorlessly while gesturing to my body. "First of all, look at me. I have the same features of the man that tormented your family. Hell, I basically am him. I mean, I know I'm not, but I'm close enough."

"Physically, yes," Moon added, "and your voice is semi the same. But you're nothing like him. So, I ask this again, Why would I be disgusted?"

He's asking all the questions I can't answer, god dammit.

"Well, why would you not be?" I retorted.

Moon didn't hesitate. "Because you're not him. You're nothing like him. You're smart, and funny, and not abusive to Lunar, and not torturing Sun mentally and physically. You're not a monster. You're..." He paused, thinking. "You're... you."

I scoff. "Isn't that a partially bad thing? Moon, you don't know some of the things I've done..." 

I thought back to my Moon, whom I had just been hallucinating about 30 minutes ago. He had come to my dimension seeking revenge for 'killing Sun', which I didn't do. I say that logically - I still partially blame myself, but looking at the logistics it wouldn't make sense. He had attacked. I had shot him. Later, I had gone to my dimension once again to look for clues as to why Eclipse is back, and for a way to stop him again. Monty had been there, still alive. Same deal - he had attacked; I shot him. I had a trigger finger it seems. Moon didn't know any of this.

"Not threaten my family's lives. Or any lives for that matter. If you did, you would've died otherwise." Moon's face softened as he spoke. "You're you, and that's not a bad thing."

I wipe my eyes, then brush a strand of my hair that had obscured my view. It had been there the whole conversation, but I felt too awkward to fix it up until now. "So... this is all just a misunderstanding I guess?"

Moon chuckles. "I guess so..."

"So..." I pause, not knowing what to say. "What does this mean for... us?"

Moon looks down at the table, where his finger was tapping nervously. "I don't know," he admitted.

I sigh. "Well, we can figure that out eventually, right?" I hoped my voice sounded more optimistic than I felt.

He looked up and smiled softly. "Yes, we can."

And his smile was contagious - I had no choice but to smile back.