Digital Delicacy (SaMS SolarMoon Ship)

I Suppose the Second Option is Best

"Fucking sorry, I was what?!"

The perfect beginning of a discussion, I know. But if you were in my shoes you would've said the same thing.

Moon had taken me to the daycare and sat us down at the security desk before letting me yell that. In response, he sighed before speaking in a low tone. "I said, you were about to shoot yourself. You had the barrel of that energy gun to your head. You were about to pull the trigger."

I was, of course, shocked and a little panicked. I had seen myself aiming at some hallucination of my dead Moon. At the time, I was thinking he was real and out to kill me. I was ready to kill him once again before Moon rushed in and stopped me.

Moon watched the gears turn in my head a moment before clearing his throat. "What..." he asked slowly. "... did you see?"

That was the question I'd been dreading. See, he didn't exactly know what I'd done to my Moon and Monty - he thinks I haven't seen them since I'd left my home dimension. My Moon had come here when I was alone and tried to kill me. Monty did the same, but when I returned to my original dimension. I did what I needed to survive. I had warned them, and they didn't listen. So, I pulled the trigger, and they were gone.

I couldn't exactly say that to him but I didn't want to lie either, so I said this instead: "Just some stuff from home that kinda stuck with me."

Moon nodded in understanding without saying more, but it was easy to tell he wanted me to continue. I didn't, so he sighed and leaned back with his hands in his lap.

I was acutely aware of how I probably looked - ginger hair tangled around my head a bit, eyes red and puffy from crying, tear stains on my cheeks. I wiped them quickly to hide the fact that they were slowly heating up from embarrassment. 

Moon noticed me wiping my cheek and sat up, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. His touch heated my skin more, though in a slightly different way. "Hey, look at me," he said. I slowly complied. My skin tingled as his hand reached up to wipe the tear stains off my face with his thumb. The feel of his skin was soothing. I look from his hand up to his eyes.

I never noticed how beautiful they were. Dark blue, like a ocean - glossy on the top, go too deep and you'll get lost with all you find there. Or like a sky at night - not pitch black only because of the millions of stars dotting it. I couldn't look away.

I wonder what he saw in my light brown eyes. Did he see a deep, rich chocolate that never tasted bad no matter how long they were holding off eating it? Was he reminded of a forest in winter - no leaves on the bare bark, only on the ground, crunching as you walk? Or was he simply seeing my eyes for my eyes, not caring to look deeper? 

I felt like we locked in the moment hours, our breathing in sync as he held my face. My hand reached up and gently cupped his, gently gripping his fingers. 

After a moment Moon blinked back into reality, dragging me with him. I let go of his hand; he let go of my face and stood. "Well, then," he said. "I'll go call Earth and get an appointment scheduled- no no, don't deny it, you need one." I had opened my mouth to protest. "You nearly shot yourself while thinking you were shooting a hallucination. You should be in an institution for that one, pal."

I closed my mouth. He had a point. Sun would probably envy my schizophrenia.

Moon stared at me a moment before exhaling deeply through his nose. He could feel the awkwardness just as much as I could. Slowly, he turned his back to me and started walking out. 

My heart dropped.

This was my first chance to have an actual conversation since that night almost a week ago. Even now, I couldn't get it out of my head. I wanted more nights like that. Not even nights like that - I wanted Moon himself. His eyes, his smile, his laugh, all of him, good and bad. Even if all that wasn't true, I was scared to be alone. What if I had another 'episode' and there was no one around to stop me? My eyes watered at the idea I could see my dead Moon again, see all that blood.

Before he could take another step I lurched forward and grabbed his hand, making him nearly fall backwards. He turned to face me, confused.

My voice was soft, almost pleading even to my ears. "Please... Please, don't go."

Moon's face softened. He studied me for a moment before sighing again and sitting back down. "Fine..." He gently eased his hand out of my grasp.

It was back to the awkward silence again, him staring at his lap, me staring at him. Oh well, at least he was here with me. That was all I cared about honestly.

Though, while he was here...

"Moon, we can't just ignore it forever," I said softly.

Moon didn't look up at me, though he tensed as he spoke. "What is there to talk about?"

I scoff. "You know what I mean."

"I don't think you know what I mean," he said as he finally looks up at me. "There's nothing to talk about. I was drunk, I wasn't thinking. That's it."

My finger taps my knee in slight annoyance. "Th-'that's it'? That's all you have to say?! After that night-"

"-was just a drunk mistake on my part!" His voice raised along with mine, his eyes dark and cold. "It was a one-night thing, okay? Just drop it."

"How?" I scowled. "How the hell am I supposed to just 'drop it'?! You do all that to me, then say to not bring it up again, and now you're angry I'm finally asking for answers! Wha-what's the logic behind this?"

Moon stands, clenching his fists. I follow him as he speaks again, his tone close to yelling. "Oh, so now you're asking me the logic? You never thought to think about me either?!"

"Oh, of course I did! I couldn't get out out of my head!" And it was true. Whenever I wasn't working or doing something - and even sometimes when I was - Moon was on my mind. He had made me feel so wanted that night, so useful and loved, and I craved that high again. He had moved so perfectly with me. He was all I thought about anymore. "You're the one that called it an affair! That hurt, ya know!"

At Moon's next words, his voice cracked on the final syllable. His voice rose more like it did the day Eclipse came back for the third time - angry but desperate, heartbroken yelling.

"If it hurt so much, then why did you leave me like that's all I was to you?!"