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Nair had woken up struggling today.
She had woken up out of her sleep at three am and not been able to drift back to sleep. The anxiety would not let her.
It felt worse when she stepped downstairs to see Jaehyun dressed in a suit instead of his usual tracksuits.
To her, it was logical to think that Jaehyun was leaving because he had gotten tired of her and he wasn't going to come back.
She had done something wrong. She thought that was the only reason he would be leaving.
"Sweetheart, I made you french toast. I have to leave this morning but-"
It's like Nair couldn't hear anything from the moment Jaehyun said he'd have to leave.
He was going to leave.... and not come back.
Those thoughts consumed Nair in a way that made it suffocating. She gripped the sleeves of the sweater Jaehyun had given her trying to ground herself but, it wasn't working.
"Don't leave," Nair pleaded making Jaehyun stop in his tracks. "I-if you tell me what I did wrong, i-i can do better s-"
"Baby, you didn't do anything wrong," Jaehyun assured calmly. "I just have some work outside. I'll come bac-"
"Jaehyun, n-no," Nair shook her head trying to keep herself from crying. She tried to keep it together but was failing miserably. "I-I, just stay w-with me please."
Jaehyun didn't understand.
This had never happened to him before. Although Nair had shown that she was uncomfortable when he left, she had never behaved this way.
"Nair, what's wrong? Did anyone do something to you?"
He didn't know what to do besides wipe Nair's tears. He never had anyone inside the house whilst Nair there. He did have some men guarding the door but they were not to come in unless it was necessary. If anyone had overstepped, he would handle them.
"I j-just don't know why y-you're leaving... I-I'm sorry I did something wrong-"
Nair choked on her words making it hard for Jaehyun to follow. He felt bad because she was clearly anxious.
Nair was abandoned at the age of seven by her parents. One winter morning, they got ready, left and did not come back to the family home. That birthed her extreme separation anxiety and fear of being left alone.
The neighbours were suspicious and called authorities the week her parents had left. Otherwise she might have died of hunger or lack of heat.
She never got the answer as to why her parents left. In the subsequent fifteen years, they had never tried reaching out either.
She was abandoned.
Her foster parents kicked her out as soon as she was an adult making the mental instability worse. She thought they loved her but... they moved, they wouldn't answer her calls and they never reached out.
Nair felt like she was destined to be abandoned. And she was terrified of being alone.
"Baby, just breathe for me," Jaehyun coached after noticing Nair was panicking. "I'm right here."
The words made Nair calm down a bit and regain her breathing. Jaehyun guided her to a stool helping her sit before giving her a glass of water.
Nair didn't want water, she wanted Jaehyun. So ignoring the cup on island, she opted to hug Jaehyun instead. Her hands gripped the back of his blazer breathing in his scent.
Jaehyun hugged Nair close to calm her down. He breathed in the scent of his shampoo on her. He knew he needed to get her, her own but she smelled good with his scent.
"I'm sorry," Nair apologised quietly feeling a bit embarrassed now that the mental fog was starting to lift.
She didn't know how she showed Jaehyun such an ugly side to herself.
"Are you okay?"
She nodded not trusting herself not to say the wrong thing.
Nair knew she wasn't okay but... she didn't know what to do either when things got like this. She didn't mean to behave this way but it didn't feel like she could control it.
"Tell me with your words so I know you're okay." Jaehyun pulled back a bit to be able to look at her face.
She looked pretty to him even when she cried.
"I'm so-sorry Jaehyun. I'm okay now- I'm sorry I kept you from going to work-"
Jaehyun wiped the tears marks with his thumb. He reached for some tissue handing it to Nair. He wasn't that concerned with work right now.
"If you don't want me here, I understand. I can be gone by the time-"
"You don't have to leave. I'll be back." ...
Taehyung wordlessly slid a folder across Jaehyun's desk. Giving each other a look, Jaehyun picked up the folder detailing Nair's health history and background.
Jaehyun was quite unsurprised at the fact that she had been diagnosed with mental disorders from a young age. The diagnosis gave him clarity on the events that had happened in the morning.
Separation anxiety caused by a history of being abandoned. Anxiety. Depression. Panic disorder. Prone to insecure attachments. Clingy. Extremely dependant. A frail body. A lower IQ than others her age.... The list was unfortunately long and complex.
These were not things that made Jaehyun think less of her.
Instead, this made him want to kill Hoseok for targeting someone like this.
What was fun about hurting this very vulnerable person?
Jaehyun felt like a ticking time bomb.
His jaw clenched as he threw the papers across his desk.
"Jaehyun-"
"When the fuck are you going to find Hoseok?! It's been weeks - a month has gone by- are you fucking with me Taehyung?!"
Taehyung let Jaehyun get it all out knowing that he was just frustrated.
He was furious about her parents, her foster parents and everyone else who had fucked with her along the way. Taehyung knew that Jaehyun was the type to feel angry for those he cared about.
"We're going to find him."
"Her shitty parents just left without looking back?! Her fucking foste- fuck!"
"I know you don't want to hear it but, she's a person with a lot of baggage so... if you can't deal with it Jaehyun, there is no shame in wal-"
The look Jaehyun gave Taehyung made him close his mouth.
Taehyung knew when to shut up.
"Walk away? Just like everyone else did? I'm not abandoning her."
