Past and Present

17

Spanish Grand Prix weekend! I'm so so sorry I wasn't able to update during the Canadian Grand Prix, life for me was pretty hectic for a few weeks. But now that I got it under control, I can update this again on a regular Grand Prix weekends! So stay tuned!

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"Max, I have a problem." I whined to my best friend as we bask in the sun on his yacht.

We're already on our way back to Monaco. Barcelona was honestly brutal for me in terms of secrets spilling out here and there; add the fact that I am leaving Spain with a bunch of dating rumors tailing me. Great. Also, I learned that Madeleine's boyfriend all this time is actually Carlos and not some European weirdo she met online. Then I had the chance of talking with McLaren F1's CEO again, Zak, only to learn that he knows why I hid for five years.

Then there's the kiss.

"What is it now, Sky?" Max asks nonchalantly.

You see, Lando decided not come with us back to Monaco; instead, he said he'll be flying to the UK and head to MTC with the team. He's been in a bad mood after their double DNF at the Spanish Grand Prix; so I did not protest much when he left his keys with me and told me to drive his custom McLaren back to Monaco. Yes, out of the blue he left his custom McLaren with me; which is why I made the most responsible decision ever – ride with Max in his yacht back to Marseilles Port; that way, I won't be anxious enough that I'm driving Lando's car and possibly crash or scratch it along the way.

And for a moment, I think it's good that he's not with us. After the kiss, I felt a little suffocated being around him. Possibly because I lied to him about not being able to remember that kiss.

But I remember it so well, it somehow etched in me and left a mark. And for some reason, I wanna kiss him again.

Wait what?

I shook my head and glance at Max; I heave out a sigh before answering him, "I kissed Lando the other night."

"You what?!" Max looked at me obviously surprised by what I said and possibly because of what I did. I'm actually surprised myself that Lando hasn't told him yet or maybe he did and Max is just playing dumb with me right now; but I decided to go with him pretending that Lando haven't told him about it yet.

I sighed as I sip my drink, "I kissed him when I got drunk." Then I looked at Max who's already staring at me as he waits for me to explain things, "then when he asked about it yesterday, I lied about not remembering it."

"He specifically asked about the kiss?"

I shook my head, "No, but he asked again if I remember anything I did while I was drunk."

Max is looking at me, studying my face, possibly trying to figure out how I feel about it; "so why did you lie about it?"

I break away from his stare and looked ahead to the vast sea in front of us as I sip my drink before answering him; giving me enough time to think about how to answer him, "because I shouldn't have done that." I muttered.

"Why?"

I just shrugged as an answer to Max. Because honestly speaking? I don't know why I felt bad after kissing him. Maybe because I know he doesn't love me in a way that I should be kissing him like that in the first place? Or maybe because it was a drunk kiss and nothing more? Or maybe I wanted him to kiss back and he didn't? Or maybe I started believing what my co-workers in Minnesota is saying... that I am harboring feelings for him all this time. Or maybe him to me.