Icy Break; Norenmin

RENJUN

Today was no different than yesterday and the day before. An unexplainable yet reoccurring, crushing pressure consumed every inch of his body. His chest felt extremely heavy, and with each passing second he could feel the way his heart sank. Renjun couldn't move. His blades had fused and had become one with the ice he onced loved. He had somehow managed to remove the blade guards and actually step foot inside, but it was all in vain.

Luckily there was no one around to see him and the comical scene being displayed. A figure skater that couldn't even skate. Extremely laughable.

Renjun had been trapped in a standstill while he attempted to gather all his strength and courage to overcome his unreasonable fear. His mind wasn't his own to control anymore. He wanted to move, but he couldn't. His mind had a mind of its own. He was a prisoner to his own mind. Nothing he tried to do or tell himself worked. Nothing his parents, coaches, or therapists told him worked. It was actually over for him.

Renjun had managed to arrive way earlier than Jaemin and a part of him hoped that the Korean male had forgotten about their last minute arrangement. He didn't hate the Korean male, he hated himself. He originally envisioned himself practicing and landing his jumps flawlessly by the time Jaemin arrived but instead his body was completely locked in place. Another day with no progress.

Unfortunately, while he mentally prepared himself to leave and eventually return home as his country's biggest disappointment, the Korean hockey player made his presence be known. Perfect timing.

"Hi Renjun!" He exclaimed as per usual. Jaemin made Renjun wonder how a person can have so much energy and joy. So much joy when there wasn't really anything to be joyful about."Were you waiting for me?"

In a swift motion Jamein removed his blade guards and literally jumped into the ice rink. It was probably a harmless, meaningless action, but it stung Renjun deep inside.

"I need to get better if I actually want to play in the Olympics because I pretty much made the team but they can leave me benched during the whole thing. Hockey requires more than just simple speed."

It was a given that Renjun would have the opportunity to represent his country but that was a thing of the past. The new Renjun was useless and easily replaceable.

"You're going to be practicing your jump things right? They're so cool I could never execute something that complex."

Not a single word left his lips. All he did was stare at the other male with a blank expression and it was evident that it made the hockey player uncomfortable. Jaemin's once happy demeanor rapidly changed into a more serious one, the reason clearly being Renjun's lack of response and interest. It's not that he intended to be rude and push Jaemin away, he just had too much and nothing to say.

"Is something wrong?"

"I can't move..." He uttered.

It was his cry for help. A cry that was spoken in a soft airy voice that somehow had the capacity to tear his vocal cords and heart apart in a swift motion. His throat had become incredibly dry, so dry that it made Renjun wonder if he had developed last minute dehydration.

"Can't move?" Jaemin made his way towards Renjun.

"I don't know, nobody knows."

Jamein was now directly in front of Renjun. His gaze was intense and he could practically feel the way the Korean male drilled holes onto his being. It made Renjun want to disappear.

"Close your eyes and give me your hands."

"What?"

"Close your eyes and trust me."

Renjun had no reason to trust the other male. He didn't know him or his intentions. They weren't a team nor were they rivals. They were nothing to each other. Two strangers that happened to temporarily share the same training space. Perhaps the idea that they knew very little about each other made Renjun want to pour his heart out. Renjun would eventually leave and Jaemin would be a distant memory of the past. A memory that with age he'd most likely forget.

He closed his eyes and allowed for Jaemin to take his hands. The gloves the other male wore made his hands feel a lot bigger and cozy. They were nice gloves, perhaps he'd purchase a pair of his own.

He had no idea what Jaemin had in mind but whatever it was would ultimately be useless. He'd already sat through endless pep talks at the hands of his coaches and parents as well as endless hours trying to talk about himself and his alleged trauma with a multitude of therapists. Renjun's body was more sacred than a temple so everything he had been prescribed he didn't take in fear of a potential disqualification.

Jamein was younger than himself. Whatever he was attempting to do would surely fail.

Jaemin's grip was strong, but not strong enough to where it hurt. In fact, in a weird way it was comforting. Perhaps it was the gloves.

"Relax. Take a deep breath, hold it, and then exhale."

Renjun did as instructed. He'd always been good at following orders and today for the first time in a while he felt like his old self.

Jaemin began to slowly move which caused Renjun's body to follow along. Their pace was incredibly slow but his heartbeat dramatically spiked up. His breathing had become restricted as well despite him feeling okay just a few seconds ago.

"Relax, I won't let you go."

Renjun tried to focus on Jaemin's voice but it was impossible when his beating heart was all his brain could register. He's aware that there's no valid explanation for his current state, but that doesn't negate the way fear was currently running through his veins.

He slowly began to open his eyes. His vision was incredibly blurry at first but the second said eyes saw and processed that he was far from the railing, his body locked.

Renjun could practically feel how each of his joints twisted in a way that rendered them useless. He could no longer support himself so his body began to descend onto the cold ice.

Jamein grabbed onto Renjun's torso as best as he could to prevent him from injuring himself. The hockey player was talking but his mind was unable to concentrate on what was happening. Everything seemed to be in slow motion but it felt incredibly vivid and intense.

He doesn't know how long it took for him to regain his senses but when he regained them all he felt was guilt and embarrassment. Jaemin was now a witness to his laughable shameful state.

"Are you feeling better?" Jaemin asked, concern laced with every syllable he spoke.

"I'm useless now. Without figure skating I am nothing. Without a medal or a loud crowd cheering for me I am nothing. This is my life. It's all I've ever known and now it's over."

Somehow Renjun had managed to not cry during the whole ordeal but against his wishes, the tears he had been saving up began to flow uncontrollably.

Jaemin didn't say anything else and if he did Renjun was incapable of hearing him over his own sobs. The hockey player hugged him as best as he could and Renjun allowed himself to be hugged.

It wouldn't be the first time Renjun had a breakdown, but somehow it was the first time he actually felt supported.