Icy Break; Norenmin

RENJUN

Jaemin had planned for them to go to Lotte World.

It seemed to be an amusement park of sorts. Quite a popular place in Korea for people of all ages.

Renjun had never heard of such a place before nor had he ever stepped foot anywhere similar and he'd most likely never get the opportunity to either considering that he had to decline the invitation.

He wanted to go, he really did. Even if Jeno was there. Even if all he did was follow Jaemin around and occasionally nod to show he hadn't completely spaced out. Even if Jaemin didn't glance at him the way he wanted him to. He wanted to spend more time with Jaemin but perhaps not going was the best option. There was no future for them, even as friends. He's never liked someone before. He hasn't even liked himself so how was he now supposed to like someone and expect to be liked back? How was he supposed to keep a friendship when he's a seventeen year old with zero friends and poor social skills?

It was for the best that he didn't let himself be guided by a false sense of hope.

Soon he would have to go back to his old lifestyle and once he was back in China it would be as if Jaemin never existed. It would be as if the sweet boy with the big doe eyes and big beautiful smile was a product of his imagination.

Too bad soon, was a lot sooner than expected.

His coach and main choreographer were now standing in front of him, expecting to see excellence.

They were incredibly strict, especially the coach but in all honesty they were sweet angels in comparison to his own mother.

Both of them were very experienced, and Renjun was practically the child of all their hard work. He was what they'd brag about. His wins were the by-product of their training. Renjun was Renjun because of them, but without Renjun they'd be average people scouting for talent so he credits himself for part their success.

Saturday was the designated off-day for everyone in the hockey team, which meant that it was the only day Renjun would be able to practice the way he was once accustomed to. On a good day he was expected to train for at least 12 hours. If his body could physically handle it, he would probably spend most of that time on the ice but what many aren't aware of is the intense off the ice training he was expected to do.

"I can't believe Saturday is the only day we have the whole place to ourselves. How are you supposed to be in shape when this is all they're giving us?" His coach complained as per usual. "We tried to come up with a schedule that benefits you the most but it's impossible to do so when those no name athletes hog the whole place."

"Here, take your schedule, and you know the drill, put your so-called free time to good use. You'll have access to this place all day."

Saturday: 8:00-22:00

Sunday: 4:00-10:00 (You will be by yourself all day)

Monday: 6:00-10:00

Tuesday: 6:00-10:00

Wednesday: 6:00-10:00 and 20:00-1:00 (You will be by yourself for a portion of your training)

Thursday: 6:00-10:00 and 20:00-1:00 (You will be by yourself for a portion of your training)

Friday: 6:00-10:00 and 18:00-2:00 (You will be by yourself for a portion of your training)

He more than anyone knew that his day-to-day life would once again consist of solely training.

"We're currently trying to find you a ballet instructor since you're trained in that and we believe it'll help you since we aren't able to give you the schedule you're used to." The choreographer said.

"Thank you." He said in a small voice, knowing that he would truly never be able to see Jaemin again.

"No worries, we'll do our best to ensure you get gold at Rostelecom, we have great things planned for you. Your little breakdown is common knowledge by everyone in the sport and what better way to come back than by winning. You'll be skating to well known ballet songs. Everyone's eyes will be on you and you will be elegant and you will deliver a performance that not only wins you gold, but also takes everyone's breath away" said his coach.

"We don't expect you to be perfect since it'll be your first competition since your return and you haven't been getting your usual training but you have to be perfect by the third event, and by the finals you have to exceed perfection."

Exceed perfection. He was currently the opposite of perfection but now he had to exceed it. He wanted to laugh but then he'd truly be seen as being crazy and that's the last thing he wanted.

He was going to embarrass himself greatly. He wasn't ready to compete, he wasn't he same person he was once. He's too flawed now and he was barely becoming accustomed to skating in general. But one look at the pair in front of him told him that he had to be ready, and that there was no room for error. Especially since they'd most likely be sending back occasional reports on how he's doing to his parents. He couldn't disappoint them in that way again.

Despite everything, he still wanted to be at Lotte World. He knows Jaemin probably tried contacting him over and over again. He knows Jaemin probably hates him now but it's okay. He never deserved him in the first place.

-

His body was beyond exhausted and the simple thought of having to move drained the life out of him, but he was still expected to go back in a few hours. It's a miracle he made it back to his room without collapsing on the way there. Fortunately, things went well on a superficial level. He was able to skate and execute a few simple jumps, demonstrating that he's still of use to them. They had been surprisingly nice to him too, most likely due to the fact that they directed all their anger towards the hockey team but he knew it wouldn't be long for said anger to be directed towards him the next time he falls or looks sloppy.

Hopefully his parents would now be a bit less disappointed in him, but by pleasing them, he's losing what was making his days slightly better.

Renjun didn't want to look at his messages, he didn't wasn't to hurt himself more. He already saw that he had a notification from Jaemin that read

"I hope you're well, we really missed you today! Please take care and have a good night"

After a long mental debate, Renjun took a deep breath and opened the chat. He was right. Jaemin had messaged him several times asking if he had gotten lost and if he was feeling well, saying that he wished Renjun had been able to come and to call him if he was coming so that Jaemin could provide him his ticket.

The tickets had already been bought. He would have to pay him back for it. It's the least he could do and perhaps that would give him the closure he needs to move on and live as if Jaemin never existed.

He also had 5 missed calls from Jaemin and Renjun can swear that his heart broke a little. Why couldn't he live a normal life?

He had managed to type out the words"I'm sorry" but he couldn't send them.

He had to cut Jaemin off now, before it hurt too much. He couldn't understand why his emotions were so strong. He was usually very composed. A person that could be described as being extremely quiet and unfazed by everything. Under a lot of stress for obvious reasons, but he still remained composed and in control of his emotions, but for some reason the thought of Jaemin filled him with joy to the point that it was slightly frightening, or it asphyxiated him to the point he genuinely thought he could drown at the hand of all the tears he was trying to contain.

He had to do the right thing for himself and for Jaemin, so with blurry eyes thanks to the tears he was refusing to shed, he blocked him.

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