love on the turquoise land

Chapter 19 part 3

October 18, 1992
Sunday
Overcast

I'm over four months pregnant now. When I look in the mirror, I feel like my belly has grown a bit more, and my body feels a bit heavier. No wonder they say pregnant women are "running with the ball." Carrying such a big ball around, going in and out, is really tiring.

Da Shan finally decided on a name for our son. He said the character "Kai" sounded light and powerless, but "Tuo" was different. Just by hearing it, you could tell it was powerful, able to dig coal and bless the mine with good business.

Son, as long as you can bless the mine with good business, forget about digging coal.

Speaking of Da Shan...

Da Shan has been acting strange lately, but let me be specific, I can't really describe it. It's just a feeling. I've talked about it with Minjuan and Xiaoxiu, but they have different opinions. Minjuan said pregnant women are too sensitive and easily overthink things, while Xiaoxiu, who never minces her words, asked me if Da Shan was seeing someone else.

It really scared me. I told her I trusted Da Shan, he would never do anything unethical like that. But Xiaoxiu just sneered and said all men are like this, and this stage is the easiest for them to have affairs.

I shouldn't have listened to her words. Once I heard them, it was like they took root in my heart. After today's prenatal check-up, I went to the mine, taking advantage of Da Shan not being there, I searched his office like a thief, turning everything inside and out.

There were a few more pinyin reading books in Da Shan's office, probably bought for our son (but it's too early to buy them), and there was also a small mirror.

What do men need a mirror for? Why are they looking at themselves?

I became more suspicious and loosened a button on the shirt Da Shan wore most often. I didn't pull it off, just pulled it loose, hanging there.

If this button falls off, it falls off. But if it's sewn back on, then it's not good.

I also gave Changxi ten dollars and instructed him to keep an eye on Dashan. Changxi absolutely refused, saying that I always took care of him, so helping with this small favor was only fair. Actually, I didn't take care of him much, just occasionally gave him an apple or a pear when he first started at the mine and was young.

If Dashan really has another woman outside, Lin Xirou, let me tell you, we can't be weak. We can't let people think we're easy to bully. We have to be brave, take a knife and chop up that couple, and then take sleeping pills to die—take Xiaotuo with us too. Being parentless, living in this world would be torture.

Am I overthinking? It's just a small mirror after all. Minjuan was right, pregnant women tend to overthink things.

Time to sleep.

- [ taken from Lin Xirou's diary]