Reneé Rapp one shots :)

🧸 Dont hate me

Word count: 4447
Warnings: Agere, abuse, anxiety, ptsd
Summary: Reneé helps her castmate, and finds out a huge secret.

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I smile at my friends as we drive back to our house. Right now we were all filming for a new show called the sex lives of college girls. Me, Reneé and Alyah all lived together, deciding to split the rent instead of all getting separate housing.

We arrive and I feel glad, I hadn't slipped in a while, and mid scene today I felt the need to. I managed to put it off, just about anyway, until I jump into my bed, snuggling down into the duvet. I feel smaller and smaller, relaxing into my bed and I giggle to myself softly.

The girls sort of knew about my regression, to a certain extent. They knew I liked to watch certain childish tv shows to relax, or do things that are typical for children, like playing with 'play do' or blocks and colouring. They knew I drank milk and liked wearing onesies and big 'childish' clothing.

They didn't, however, know what age regression actually was. They didn't know I used a pacifier or bottle, or that I regressed to a younger state of mind. They just thought I was a bit different I guess, a bit childish. I was terrified of them finding out, and I didn't know how they would react. I sometimes feel they would be too judgemental and hate me for it if they found out, and maybe even tell other people about it.

So that's why I only did it at night, or when I had the day off and they didn't. I couldn't get caught, I would be mortified, and I think they would be too.

I manage to pull myself out of my bed and stumble to my closet, where I pulled out my oodie, and pulled it over my head, wiggling my body once it was on to feel the softness against my skin. I strip my socks off and put on some fluffy ones, only fumbling slightly with them.

Once changed I smile, looking at myself in the mirror, nodding my head. I toddle back to my bed, grabbing my stuffie and paci, slipping it between my lips and relaxing into bed. Although I stare at the ceiling for a while, basking in the comfort of being little, reality starts to slip away from me and my eyes close, dreams starting to take over.

"Come on, don't be like that." I hear Zoe say. I tremble in fear as she walks towards me, slowly. She reaches out for me, gently holding my face, before yanking it forwards. I fall forwards, unable to catch myself, and end up on the floor. I feel tears fill my eyes, and she laughs at me. "What are you gonna do? Cry? Do it. Cry about it, baby!" She shouts.

"Y/n? Baby you awake?" I hear Reneé call through the door. "Yeah I'm awake." I call out again, my voice shaking. I look around the room and relax significantly once I register that it was a dream. "Are you okay?" Reneé asks, clearly picking up on the fear surrounding me. "Yeah I'm fine... im okay." I say but she doesn't walk away.

"Can I come in? Dinners almost ready." She says and I rub my eyes, sighing. "Yeah just second." I call back to her and I rush to grab my paci. I shakily stuff it under my pillow as I hear the door squeak open.

"Hey baby, you okay?" She asks gently, sitting on the edge of my bed. I nod my head, not giving in to the nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Reneé loved pet names, she called everyone baby, but it still gave me butterflies every time.

"What's going on? I heard you crying earlier?" She says quietly and I hang my head, forgetting that sometimes when I have nightmares I cry in my sleep. "Yeah it's fine I was just sleeping." I say but she raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing me.

"What's going on? You've been acting all weird recently. Are you okay?" She says seriously and I sigh, feeling unwanted tears filling my eyes. "What's going on baby?" She asks again, her voice more concerned this time. "It's really nothing I'm okay." I say but she doesn't believe me, and instead brings me into a hug. "I've got you. You're allowed to not be okay." She says and I nod.