How to Poison Your Husband [COMPLETE! Cozy Romantasy With A Dash Of Murder]

Step 4b: ...even if his dad's a dick

Warning: This chapter contains allusions to abusive parenting. Reader discretion advised.

Ivelle had no sooner been escorted out of the royal wing than she was nearly speared by Ash's beak as he collided with her in the middle of the hallway.

"Ivelle! Thank goodness I found you! Where have you been?"

It took a while to get Ash up to speed with the morning's events. By the time Ivelle had finished the summary of her meeting with Eirifold – in an alcove behind a portly statue of a bearded king, because Ash was too impatient to head back to their room – her crow was even more appalled than before.

"So you're some kind of double agent now?"

"Keep your voice down!"

"Is he even paying you to spy?"

"If by 'paying' you mean 'holding off on sending me to prison on false charges'... yes."

"Stingy bastard!" Ash paced up and down the statue's stone shoulders, beak bobbing with discontent. "I don't like this. I don't know much about Mariel, but she seemed pretty no-nonsense when the prince pushed Wilfred down the stairs. What if she catches you spying on her?"

"That won't happen," said Ivelle. "After all, I've got a secret weapon."

She batted her eyes at him.

Ash scowled.

She batted her lashes even more hopefully, suffusing her facial features with every ounce of Sad Anime Eyes(™) she could muster. They faced off for a few more seconds, until finally, Ash capitulated.

"Fine, fine! I'll spy on her for you! Just... fix your face."

Down the hall, the door to the royal wing burst open. Footsteps, harsh and angry, clacked toward them along the marble tiles.

Panicking, Ivelle flung herself against the derriere of the kingly statue. A second later, King Gorlin and Queen Ysette swept into view, trailed by a half dozen guards who looked very much like they didn't want to be there.

"...can't fault me for sleeping around when you have yet to produce a quality son!"

"Eirifold may be lacking, but he's still young. He will learn –"

"That addled weakling can barely hold a sword, much less lead a kingdom!"

"Maybe he wouldn't be so addled if you hadn't punched him in the head so often while he was growing up."

A dangerous pause, and then King Gorlin's baritone rumbled across the tiles:

"You dare question my parenting methods?"

The queen threw up her hands. "Of course not. I would never dream to question a single action you take, especially not one that leads to my humiliation and our son's utter lunacy..."

Their voices faded as the two of them stalked down the hallway, probably heading toward whatever council meeting Prince Eirifold had said the king was late for. The guards clattered after them. Ivelle wasn't a great reader of facial expressions, but if she had to guess, their glazed stares roughly translated to "I don't get paid enough for this shit."

"Good grief," Ivelle muttered. "No wonder Eirifold ended up such a mess, growing up with role models like that."

Ash didn't reply.

"Ash?"

Ivelle's brow furrowed.

Her crow was nowhere in sight.