𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐄 • 𝐭.𝐛𝐥𝐲𝐭𝐡

✮ drunk texts ✮

(TW: eating disorder - this is not talked about for the sake of the story, i know firsthand how dreadful eating disorders are and i promise this means something. i'd never try and make it an 'aesthetic'. if u struggle with this, or anything for that matter, i promise it gets better 🤍)

✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

priscilla

I grimace and absentmindedly shake my head as I flush the toilet, washing away the puke I just threw up. Throwing up is a disgusting and brings out a wretched taste in my mouth, but over the years I've learnt to find some comfort in it - it gives me the signal that I'm ridding myself of 'the enemy' - as my mother has always said.

My mom used to model for random clothes stores and she would often be asked to do model in underwear adverts. She was obsessed with being the thinnest person in every stupid ad, even if it meant she looked sick.

She passed this on to myself and my sister, Leah. It became a sort of ritual for the three of us to share the amount of calories we'd consume in a day. We even got to the point where we made a group chat and recorded it as we went through the day.

I'm proud to say that I recognised how unhealthy it was - Leah and my mom never really grasped it. Even now, I know it's unhealthy but it's hard to stop. I eat a lot more than I used to, but it's still hard and hangs over me. Also, since being hired as Tom's photographer, I've been eating a lot more with the others and it's just been weighing on my mind a little bit.

I look at myself in the mirror and my paler-than- usual complexion. My body is shaking a bit from the adrenaline of the process of vomiting.

Fucking hell, Mom.

I love my mom. Other than the eating stuff, she's amazing. I mean, she has a lot of opinions but whose mom doesn't?

I take comfort in the fact that she can't judge me for my current situation. I'm the photographer on the world's currently biggest tour and am good at it. Well, she may not approve of the fact that I'm fucking the world's currently biggest star but hey!

My phone pings on the clean porcelain edge of the while I stick my open mouth under the running tap, relishing in the cold water washing away the taste of acid.

——

tom🤭
21:45

tom🤭
PRISCILLA
SCILLA
ANGEL
HELLO

me
OH MY GOD SHUSH

tom🤭
HELLO

me
HELLO TOM
WHATS UP

tom🤭
YOU SHOULD HAVE COME OUT WITH US
ITS REELLLLY FUN

me
youre drunk

tom🤭
YES
i can still spell tho😎

me
you just spelt 'really' as 'reelly'

tom🤭
grr

me
DID YOU JUST GROWL AT ME BLYTH

tom🤭
why arent yuu here

me
im editing YOUR photos!

tom🤭
aw

me
mhm

tom🤭
when i come back we should ABSULUTELY have sex

me
right..
how are you getting back? is someone sober?

tom🤭
nope
uberrr

me
i see
well be safe
and try to sober up asap you have a show tomorrow 😬

tom🤭
yes mum

me
drunk ass

——

I scoff a little at the singer's drunk texts and shake my head.

It's insane how he's such a different person when he's on stage compared to when he's not. Don't get me wrong, he's incredible both ways - but there's something about knowing him personally and then seeing the pure happiness and love he brings out in the people who admire him. The thousands of people at his concerts, the millions of people watching on the internet. It's insane to think that I'm the person recording it all.

And he wrote a song for me.

Fuck, he wrote a song for me. He said I 'feel so good' in that song. To the whole world. Oh my God...

The way he calls me angel, dear lord.

I'm fucked. After we messed up our original agreement, we came up with one that said we wouldn't kiss when we have sex and we'd try to stay completely platonic despite the intimacy.

And I think I like him.

For fuck's sakes.

✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

🎧🕯️
Stassie Speaks
i will absolutely keep the talk of priscilla's eating struggles to a minimum. as i said before, i am in no way trying to 'glorify' this issue
LOVE YOU STAY SAFE!

✮🎧 ⋆⸜ °｡✩