A Galway Runner and a Kentucky Cop

99

Then

Y/n laid in bed, staring at the ceiling through tear filled eyes, her jaw trembling as she fought back another round of sobs that had sung her to sleep and beckoned her awake for the last few months, but it was worse than ever these past few weeks, the closer she got to having her baby the more she cried, the more she had to be told she needed to eat, drink, bath and leave her bed.
Carl often took her for walks around Alexandria, trying to get her to talk, but the only time he heard her voice was when she wept his father's name until she fell asleep at night.
Her stomach was in a constant knot of fear and grief, heart so heavy she was surprised it was able to beat, even though she wished it would stop while she was asleep so she could be back in the comforting arms she missed more than anything.
She tried to keep going, to act normal for Judith, but she couldn't find it in her, fatigue was all she knew anymore.
She was thankful for Carl and Carol and everyone who stepped in to help, even if she didn't know how to tell them, even more thankful they reassured Judith that she was just tired from being pregnant and not the truth that she was falling apart worse than ever.
The constant fear of not being enough for her children worsened it all, she feared not being able to find the strength to push on for the baby in her stomach, but she didn't have a choice, and the others wouldn't let her hide in her bed and turn to dust.
She sniffles, tears rolling down her face when she felt a foot press against her stomach. Reaching down she lifts her shirt and gingerly places her hand on her belly, running her thumb over the little foot that was pressed there.
She was so full of mixed emotions the entire pregnancy she thought she'd explode, she was happy to have a baby, but she was devastated that Rick wasn't there, that they didn't even know the life growing inside of her before he died.
She was grateful to have a piece of him, a piece of both of them, something new and pure, but the baby would never really know its father, only through stories and pictures.
She closes her eyes, shifting a little at the backache that had plagued her the entire day, she just couldn't get comfortable and gave up, just laying in bed and rotting.
Carl had Judith, him and Enid were taking her to play with Gracie, not wanting to bother her with the noise of the kids they went to Aaron's house, it was too cold to play outside.
She opens her eyes with a sigh as the urge to use the bathroom came over her, one of the few things that made her move faster than a shuffle anymore.
She slowly, but surely, manages to sit up enough she could slide off the edge of the bed and onto her feet, straightening up she presses hand to her back with a grimace, one going to her round belly as she waddled to the bathroom, the pain in her thighs making the journey much more miserable.

It was early afternoon when she knew she had to go and eat something and made the very slow trip down the stairs, she didn't get three steps down before she decided the spend the rest of her pregnancy sleeping on the couch and not even looking in the direction of the stairs.
She gets to the kitchen, fighting to catch her breath as she did, she gets to the counter, hand still holding her back as she grabbed a loaf of fresh bread that Carol had brought over that morning.
She hunts for a knife to cut it before gathering some cheese and butter and putting a pan on the stove.
Turning back to the bread she grabs the knife, sucking in a sharp breath she squeezes it, holding onto the counter as another cramp ran through her, her teeth clenched and her eyes screwed shut.
She lets out a quick breath when it passes, panting as she recovered from the pain before she grabbed the bread and started cutting.
Once the end piece was off she torn a chunk off and popped it in her mouth, chewing as she cut off another piece and set it aside for her sandwich.
She grabs the loaf again and starts cutting the second piece, debating if she should cut off two more or wait to see how she felt after the one sandwich--
She gasps, the knife hitting the counter as she pressed a hand to her stomach feeling a pop.
Her eyes wide, breathing getting shaky when she feels the water soaking her pants.
She was frozen for a second, trying to collect her thoughts, torn between sobbing and smiling.
She keeps a hand to her stomach, carefully moving around the wet spot on the floor, she had to get to Siddiq.
She laid there on a bed, in a gown, staring at the ceiling, too panicked to cry, and completely alone.
Carl had came to see her, worry and excitement clear on his face, he wanted to stay, Enid offered to keep Judith but she told him to go with her, that she would be okay and his sister needed him with her more.
The truth was she didn't want him there, didn't want him to see her in pain, and she wasn't sure how she would handle it all, the weight of it was already enough, the thought of the man that was supposed to be holding her hand was sucking the life out of her.
She didn't know how she'd survive labor when she didn't even have the strength to live anymore, but she couldn't give up, not when Carl and Judith needed her, not when her and Rick's child was counting on her.
She didn't want to drag up those memories of him losing his mother, and if she didn't survive she didn't want him to watch her die having his little sibling.