Love full of secrets //ft. Pedri Gonzalez

Chapter 27 ~ Broken..

I really couldn't live without him, Gavi has stayed by my side all the time these past few days. He helped me with everything, I even stopped training. Instead, I lie on the bed like a wreck, crying and thinking. I know I might ruin my career because of this, but a future without him is much worse...

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POV Pedri:

*the day of the break up*

I'm so happy! Yoana is going to the first team! My Yoana, I am so proud of her! And I'm so happy that I can experience this with her, that I can be by her side to support her at every match. But it's not confirmed yet. She's perfect, her eyes, her face, her body, her personality. Every time I think back to months ago when we first met, I really wonder how we got together. My hate for her was big, but everything that irritated me about her. That are the things what I find so beautiful now. I think love really does something to you, you love someone so much that you don't even see all the bad sides. Our first fight as a couple was really horrible, we didn't saw each other for 1 whole day and I already missed her. It wasn't even just her fault, I reacted really stupidly and I also felt really bad for my actions. But that friend of hers, I will hate her for my entire life. I was threatened and there was nothing I could do about it, I can't just punch a girl in a club. And I was afraid, afraid that she would really do something to Yoana. She really seems like the type for that, but she also plays for Barcelona so if she actually did something she would also ruin her entire career. I was so broken just because of everything that had happened that day. That was the first time in my entire life that I fell into such a deep hole, I even cried, I called her crying. People who know me know that I never cry, the last time was years ago. It was as if something took over my body and feelings, my tears just kept flowing.

Luckily it turned out well, but let's not talk about the fight. Today must remain a positive day! My Yoana is going to the first team! I've probably said this before, but I'm so proud! I can't wait for her to come back, me and Gavi are already home. We are discussing which jersey number she will wear, "Bet she will wear number 10 or 8." I say. ''What do you mean 10 and 8? I bet 30 or 6, nah I'll also agree with 10. But I hope 6.'' says Gavi, ''In your dreams, she's going to wear the same jersey number as me, not yours.'' ''Bleh bleh bleh, she loves me more.'' ''No!'' ''Yes.'' ''No, she loves me more.'' Gavi wanted to say something back, but we hear a car pulling into the driveway. Not much later the front door opens, "So????" "Can you go to the first team?" "What number did you choose?" "How did it go?" "Calm down guys, I'm going the first team!" "WOOH CONGRATULATIONS!" I think we are happier than Yana herself, but that doesn't matter. I can still remember when I was told I could go to Barcelona, I couldn't sleep for days and I still can't believe it. I'm playing for the club I've always dreamed of. But there is a strange atmosphere in the air, Yana keeps looking nervously at Auri. Suddenly she asks, "Eh Ped, can I have a moment? To talk to you?" I don't have a good feeling about this... I nod and we walk outside and stand opposite each other. I focus on her beautiful face, I see that she is very nervous and I wonder why. I wait until she starts talking, which takes quite a while and what makes me even more impatient.

''Ped um, I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time. But I didn't know how and I couldn't find the right moment, but.'' she takes a deep breath, I'm starting to get scared.. ''My real name is Yoana Messi and yes my parents are Antonela Roccuzzo and Lionel Messi.'' ''wait what?.......'' this hits me like a bomb, did she just say that she is the daughter of THE LIONEL MESSI?! Why did she keep this a secret... Didn't she trust me? Am I treating her badly so she doesn't trust me? This is the second time in less than a week that she has lied to me, maybe this relationship won't work after all. Maybe it would be better if we parted ways... As painful and difficult as it gets, I think that's for the best. We can't even trust each other, well apparently she doesn't trust me.

''Yana I think it's best if we break up, we can't even trust each other. Especially you, this is the second time. Do you have something else to hide perhaps? Just throw it out now, did you cheat?'' she looks at me guiltily, it feels like my world is falling apart. I didn't even mean to say the last thing but, this changes everything.. SHE JUST F*CKING CHEATED?! I thought she was better than that, that she was someone who would never cheat, loyal... ''I already know enough, we're done. I never thought I'd ever been in a relationship with you in my whole f*cking life.'' These words hurt to say, but it's the hard truth... I feel my emotions starting to surface I look at my arm and see the bracelet that she gave me. The more I look at it the more it hurts, I loose the bracelet from my arm and throw it on the ground. I walk away without looking at her, I walk through the house and grab my car keys. I hear Auri and Gavi shouting at me but I ignore it, I walk to my car and drive away. God knows where I'm going.. I can't hold it anymore and not a second later I break completely, I feel nothing anymore just emptiness. The feeling of love I just had is gone, it feels like I have a hole in my heart. You know, this was my very first love and relationship. Yes, you heard it right Yoana is my first love and that makes it 100 times worse. Why Yoana, why...

*1 week later*

It's already been 1 week and I've locked myself in my room. Not even my own room, but my brother's. I stayed with him because I just couldn't go to my own house. Everything there reminds me of her, and she also lives there now so yeah.. it still hurts... I want her with me so badly, to hold her, to kiss her, to touch her. It hurts, just the thought of seeing her with another boy. The images keep playing in my head, my Yana kissing a dirty moron with his dirty hands on her body. These thoughts make me sick, but what hurts most is that we are no longer in a relationship. I know that I'm the one who ended it, but at that point I just didn't know what to do anymore. I thought that was the best solution, I thought that would be better for us both. Bit it only broke me more, I miss every second I spend with her. Her beautiful smile that immediately makes me happy.. My brother has been pushing me for days to just get on with my life and keeps saying that if she is the one she will come back. And that I can't lock myself up and do nothing, that won't change anything. I know he is right, but I just dont know..

I still go to training tho, I have to. Gavi is the one who drags me out of my bed everyday en picks me up to go to training together. He also keeps me informed about how Yoana is doing. Apparently she doesn't go to training at all. What makes it worse is that today is Christmas, we were going to visit her family together. So that won't happen, and I really looked forward to it. Our first Christmas together, but no, we had to break up 1 week in advance. But this year I'm celebrating Christmas with Gavi's and my family together, just my brother and parents. Tomorrow we're going to Tenerife, where all my family lives. So then we're going to celebrate Christmas with my whole family. I remember now that I had bought her a gift, a beautiful necklace with our initials engraved on it. Well I can't give that anymore, but I have hope. I hope we get back together again, I'm sure, she is the woman of my dreams. The mother of my future children and the one with whom I see a future. We are meant to be, I'm sure. The connection we feel every time we are together, it is such a strange but also such a special feeling. I really never want to lose her, and I mean never... I can't even survive for 1 week... I feel so hopeless and lost.