Halfway Through the Scale

Courage

Chapter Nine

After our moment in his car, Kris and I returned home where he dropped me off and he left without another word to say. Going home was as expected in awkward silence from the moment I entered till I leave in the morning. I may have mentioned my parents, perhaps have greeted them but it doesn't even matter really. I just ran to my room in the basement, and laid in my bed, thinking.

I couldn't stop thinking about the incident, over and over again in my head. A movie clip on repeat it has become and as much as I try to forget it and change the subject, my subconscious kicks in. No matter how much I may be suffering against the world- especially school- I had no right to take it out on her. However, I also cannot forget the humiliation brought upon me and everything that has occurred before her.

Moving down to the basement has allowed me to escape some part of me, part of life. This cold tunnel, where I find warmth from my blood and body, food becomes liquid through the beer cans in the small refrigerator. Useless blankets that do the complete opposite of keeping me warm at night. I look around, the cold stone floor and walls, the small light bulb hanging from the ceiling igniting only a small portion of light. The cot I sleep in at times is wrinkled and disoriented as it makes my back ache after laying on there for more than two hours.

This is my life.

I head for my phone being charged on top of the small counter on the right corner. I unplug the charger and search for Kris's contact and dial his number. Putting him on speaker, I place the phone back on the counter and let it ring as I turn on the water on the sink near by, to splash some water on my face. The cold water encounters my warm face. I turn the water off and allow the water to drip from my nose, and continue to wait for Kris to answer. It leaves me to voicemail, he isn't picking up. That's not normal.

"Kris it's me. Call me back, we need to talk. Or just..." My fingers wander off through my curly hair, tangled and frizzy. My heart is hurting from the inside, fearing the worst to occur at this moment with Kris. "..Call me back. I need you." I hang up the phone, and throw it to my cot.

I sit on the bed and sink my head between my legs. Running my hands on the back of my neck, and back to my face as I swipe away tears from rolling out. I get up and push my hair back from my face but once I bring my hands back, the hair comes back to my face. I pace around the small room I have left. Tiring myself out after a while I sit on the stairs in the middle of the room that reach to the backyard.

It's been about an hour since I called Kris, and he hasn't called or texted me back. I don't even want to remember what occurred the last time he didn't pick up.

I run up the stairs and open the side doors and exit the basement. I rush inside and search for my father in his bedroom. I knock before entering, and he replies.

"Come in."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?" He asks as he continues to gaze at the newspaper he's reading in bed with his pajama. His glasses so low on the bridge of his nose that they might fall off.

"I called Kris an hour ago, and he hasn't called back." His eyes stop moving from reading as he simple eyes one angle of the newspaper.

"Kris you say?" I don't reply because he isn't asking anymore, rather judging, "He has a mother and father to take care of him, he doesn't need another guardian.

"I just need to know he's okay."

"I'm sure he's fine, son. Now go back to bed." He goes back to his newspaper, ignoring me like always.

"Can I borrow your car?" He places his newspaper down and quickly removes his glasses as he narrows his eyes.

"Good night" I say leaving his bedroom and into the front door. I open the door and I see Kris finishing his cigarette. I ease myself from worry.