Halfway Through the Scale

If You See Him

"I can almost deal with the talk of him,.."

"Don't start. I'm not in the mood." I interrupt her as I continue to glare at his doorsteps

"but I cannot deal with the stalking."

"It's not stalking, it's observing." Jasmine scoffs at my words.

"We are in my car while you stare at Kris's house!" She raises her tone as she looks out the window and avoids my hawking at his house.

"You have coffee though" I say softly. She faces me and stares me dead in the eye with her eyebrow beginning to raise slowly as to intimidate me.

"We get coffee because it's Monday, and we're still doing fucken highway pick up!" She puts down her coffee on the mug between us and clutches onto the steering wheel, digging in her sharp nails. I simply sigh and take a small sip of my coffee and clasp it back into my hands to keep me warm.

"You know you can leave." I say still facing my coffee between my legs sizzling my thighs.

"I can't just leave you."

"Thanks."

"When are you going to realize that Kris and Calvin have nothing to do with you?"

"It's not about them having anything to do with me, it's the fact that I saw Calvin's hand dripping blood while he looked disoriented."

"That was weeks ago."

"He hasn't been to school since then."

"I'm sure he has Kris and his family to care for him."

"It's not enough. I need to see him again."

The street is empty and cold. I basically begged Jasmine to skip showering to come back here again in hopes that Kris will show up. The temperature is turning frigid and distasteful with dry clouds and no sunny days to warm me, making my body go through the annual sickness of a runny nose keeping me up at night. Since I cannot sleep I stay up thinking of Calvin, like where he is, how he is, why isn't he in school, who is he with, what is going on, and when did all of the concern for him even begin.

"Something happened to him, I know it."

"Did you hear the rumors in school?"

"No."

Jasmine begins to eye me as I stare at the same doorsteps.

"Was I supposed to tell you to tell me some irrelevant rumor from obnoxious teenagers?"

"Yes, you where because it has to do with Calvin."

My heart skips a beat, it slows down and then goes to its normal heart rate. To hear someone else say his name is a relief. This is the only lead I have had since about two weeks ago when I asked a kid if he knew where Kris lived because I wanted to buy drugs off of him.

"They say that he got fucked up one day, came home, went to his backyard in search for some ropes which he used as a gallow."

"A gallow? You mean..."

"Yeah. He tied it on the bark of his tree that has a swing on it. He stood on the swing, slid his head through the gallow and let go of the swing."

"Bullshit!"

"Oh wow." Jasmine mumbles as she stares out the windshield. I look out as well and see a tall body with curly hair facing the door with the keys inside the knob. The knob is on the door of the doorsteps I've been staring intently at for the past twenty minutes. I quickly unbuckle my seatbelt and open the door before I hear Jasmine nag about how this is a bad idea since we aren't one-hundred percent certain that this is Kris's house. I run across the street and he faces me as I approach him. It is Kris.

"Dotty." He says softly.

"Kris." I say short of breath.

"What are you doing here?" His tone in dragging, almost as though he is forcing those words out of his mouth because it's such a burden to speak to me.

"Stalking you."

"What?"

"Sorry, that came out wrong. I want to know where Calvin is."

"Why do you care?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but fuck you and Jasmine and everybody who questions my actions. You guys are nobody to tell me who to care for and who not to. Who to think about at night because sleep is deprived from me."

"I'm his family. You have every right to tell Jasmine to fuck off, but not me because I care for his well being. Don't take this the wrong way but fuck off. You do him no good."

He begins to enter his car. I hold back the car door before he slams it shut.

"Kris, please don't do this. I didn't mean to insult you. It's just that..."

"It's just what? A joke? Tell him to go kill himself and when he actually does it your conscious keeps you up at night?"

"No," I begin to protest as my voice begins to crack. "I haven't been able to sleep on a regular basis since the incident and even more when he apologized and I ignored him." A heavy weight of discomfort hits me in with the tears rolling down my sweaty face and my runny nose making it difficult to breathe. Kris releases his grip on the handle of the door and gently places his hands on his lap as he stares off at the road.

"I cannot explain why I care and why I'm crying like an idiot right now, all I know is that I have to see him." Kris reaches over to his glove compartment and hands me a tissue. I take it and dry off the tears.

"He didn't really hang himself, right?"

Kris becomes tense with his body posture like something above us, more heavier and powerful is slowly crushing him like a chew toy. His body begins to quiver, and I able to see a small tear roll down his cheek facing away from me. He doesn't wipe it away, he just sits on his seat, tense as ever as his eyes wander off to the road, although I'm pretty sure that's not what he's actually seeing.

"Get out of the car."

"What?"

"Just do it, please."

"Why?"

"Because you need your person, but your person nearly killed himself and you need to replace him up until he's better. So, get out of the car."

He slowly jumps off of his seat and stands before me. He is much more taller than me as I tilt my head upwards just to see what I can through his curly hair hiding his fears. I slither my hands to the back of his neck and bring him closer to me.

"What are you doing?"

"Shut up and let me hug you."

His hands make their way to my back and his head to my right. The quivering of his body immediately stops.

"I'm scared." He whispers into my ear.

"I know" I reassure him. "I know."