Wicked Games

40 - Eliana

Chapter Forty | Eliana

I watched Reid from a distance. I watched how his smile always matched the sparkle in his eyes despite where we were. And I'm also jealous because his smile right now is directed at somebody else. Another girl.

We had an argument last night before bed. Reid had sat with me on my bed, and he had held my hands staring me directly in the eyes as he told me he loved me. I stupidly said to him that he didn't love me and straight up shut down his feelings.

The hurt in his eyes after I said those words haunted me. The pretty smile on his face fell instantly and his hold on my hands slipped away.

"W-What?" He whispered, furrowing his brows.

"You don't love me," I said blankly, and he recoiled back, staring at me like I was an alien.

"I am in love with you." He stated, deciding to grab my hands again with hope in his eyes, like he could convince me and make me believe his words. I can't. I won't. There was no guarantee that Reid and I would be together forever. He could be ripped away from me tomorrow and it would be even more painful if we loved each other. "But you tell me all the time you love me."

"I'm not in love with you." Hearing the words leave my mouth felt like a knife to the gut. I was hurting him. "And you're not in love with me."

"I am." I frantically shook my head. "Why are you being like this?" He spoke, his voice cracking, filled with emotion.

"We don't know what it means to be in love. You're just listening to the shit all the other kids say." Reid snatched his hands away from me and stood up from the bed.

"Don't fucking tell me how and what I'm feeling, little butterfly. I'm not stupid. I'm telling you I'm in love with you because I feel it every day in here." He patted the left side of his chest where his heart thrashed against his chest. "You're in love with me too, you're just scared to admit it." He scoffed, stepping further and further away from me until he retreated to his own bed.

I watched as he climbed under the covers and turned his back toward me. I thought that was the end of our conversation until he spoke again. "You're scared, I get that. But please don't hurt my feelings and see it as your way of protecting me from the inevitable. I see right through you, Ellie. The love that shines in my eyes for you, also shines in your eyes for me." My bottom lip trembled, and I stared down at my lap, fiddling with my fingers.

I didn't sleep at all last night. My eyes were glued to Reid, watching him sleep — and it was a restless sleep. He tossed and turned until I grabbed Marshmallow and tucked the bear in his arms. I stroked his hair and watched as he relaxed, his face softening.

The moment he woke up, he got ready, not giving me a second glance and I couldn't exactly blame him. We went to training and he kept his distance. I sat alone at lunch until Ivan came along to keep me company. He told me what I did was hurtful, and that I shouldn't let my feelings be suppressed because of what Baker puts us through. 

"Are you in love with him?" Ivan asked me and it took me a moment. I was worried if I accepted my feelings something bad would happen. "Eliana?"

"Yes," I whispered sheepishly.

"Then tell him." Ivan urged and I nodded my head and went on my way to tell him.

Only now I found myself watching him laugh with another girl. I didn't think he would have moved on that quickly. His love can't have been as strong as he made me think if he's already moving on to another girl. I blinked my eyes rapidly and sucked in a breath, turning away to rush back to our room.