Eternally Yours

Chapter 22: Childhood obsession and trauma

Recap: Esha had her 1st day of PG.

♢

Abhi never makes me feel belittled rather he has always encouraged me to work hard. But his presence in my life somehow makes my existence a little dim, a less prominent with each passing second.

He passed out from the previous college with full glory and I bet there is a very few out there who can make the college authorities this awestruck with their marks in med final exams.

When I was in my final year, I remember how much pressure I had to bear. Not from my parents. But from my professors and my classmates. The professors had no right to lecture me about his marks and accuse me of my low marks but they did and I had to bear because they were my teachers.

They taunted me saying, "Learn something from your boyfriend. Watch him passing out with flying colours. But don't keep sitting idle and daydream about your love story. The real world doesn't work like that. You need to be successful to be able to stand beside him."

"But sir, I'm already trying my best. He is a genius. Everyone knows that. I can't, and I never should be like him."

Their eyes almost sparked in fury as they spoke,"Then you shouldn't have thought of dating him in the first place. He is going to be a world famous neurosurgeon in days. And you? You think this is enough? Your marks. Just see how low they are."

The first day of my postgraduate was good, but those taunts and worst memories of my undergraduate days are coming back. I was unhappy with my course but I didn't tell that to Abhi.

I don't need to share everything with him, do I?

He doesn't have a single idea about those days of my life when I wept helplessly sitting at one dark corner of my room. I absolutely hated how my life was treating me. I was never treated with such toxicity ever. My parents are the best persons I can ever have in my life, because they understand me and support me in everything I do. But the environment I got in my college was so unlike the one I always got. That made me want to be like someone else for the first time in my life.

I wanted to take up surgery after MBBS although I knew I was not nade for it. My hands weren't fit for me to be an ideal surgeon. Unlike me, Abhi had great control over his hands, which made him a better candidate in the competition for surgery. It was just a matter of time to see him take up either cardiosurgery or neurosurgery.

But I lacked such talents.

This sudden change in people's treatment shook my self-confidence.

They compared me. They did the thing I despised the most. They brought back the feeling I fought back with so hard in my childhood.

[8 years ago]

It was my Maths exam that day. I only got 1 MCQ incorrect, and I was sure I could secure 99 marks out of 100. Though I was upset of losing 1 mark, I tried to feel happier with the marks I calculated.

"Hello Maa?"

"How was your exam beta?"

"Maa, it was brilliant. I lost only 1 mark but I can guarantee I'll get 99."

"It's okay Esha. You worked hard, that's the thing what matters. Your hard work will pay off surely."

"Yes! I'm hanging up then."

I was over the moon in happiness of getting all the questions correct as I almost wracked my brain off to check all the answers right after I got out of the exam center and got into the four wheelers.