Breaking Down Your Walls

Chapter 9

Zane

Ever felt in your life that something was feeling off and you were more stupid than you gave yourself credit for?

Well, that's exactly how I felt as I looked at the figure of my once best friend walking away from me.

In all the years I have known Mike, all I knew about him was that he is a decent human being with a tough love attitude that hid a kind demeanor that could melt icebergs.

I never, ever, expected though, that he would be a backstabbing pervert, waiting to pounce on me or harass me eventually.

A few days ago I received another audio file from a disposable email address. In that file, my so called friend was doing the sexual, self love deed, whispering my name. Apparently it was some sort of vocal preparation before he would plan to drug me, use those whispers to *turn me on* and molest me. That was another fucked up audio file in which he confessed his intentions to some of his weird, unknown to me, friends that knew his real sexual orientation or, better say, his pervert ways.

I am cool with gays and lesbians. But, I am not cool with, no, I detest perverted fucks that scheme and try to molest you or plan to drug and do things to you. And there were five audio files proving that about Mike.

I had received all of them from disposable email addresses, all different, all non reachable. I even asked Microsoft support to track them down but apparently I would need to use the cyber police or something and I didn't want to drag my parents into this. We already had enough trouble since my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and I had enough studying to do for the stupid entrance exams.

The doctors were positive and reassuring about my grandfather's health, but I had my doubts. Velma, Manu and the rest of the guys were trying to figure out what was wrong with me lately. I had told no one about it.

When I bumped into Mike today, after so many weeks of glancing at him from afar, I felt anger. I expected an explanation from him, or some snide and dirty remark that would confirm all that has been revealed about him. What I didn't expect was the look he gave me.

Because that look reminded me of one thing he had said to me and my friends a while ago.

'If you choose to lose me or break our friendship, I will not chase after you. I will respect your decision. That doesn't mean that I will stop caring.'

He had said that to me and our common friends a few years ago, after Odette attempted suicide and she blatantly said to Mike that it was not his business to put his nose where it didn't belong and that he should have let her die and escape from her depression. She got chronic depression after her parents had divorced, and a fight between her parents had triggered her enough to stab herself three time in the belly. Mike was coincidentally passing her house to give her some school notes. If it wasn't for his presence to stop her parents' fight and him finding her in time, she would be long gone.

What he had said made Odette cry a lot and hug and apologize to him, repeatedly saying thank yous. Back then, I didn't understand why. I am not good with emotions, my empathy levels are as good as a snail's.

But today, that look full of hurt and resignation, as if I was the one who was at fault and he had enough. Momentarily, I forgot everything and looked at him. I reluctantly tried to reach out but he was already gone.

After that, I went back to my class, got my phone and went to the usual table in the cafeteria that my friends waited for me.

Velma was nagging me to meet at night for a beer. Manu and Sherrie were insisting. I still didn't agree, I wanted to stay at home and relax.

The absences of Mike and Odette were very heavy on our table. But I couldn't do much with a stalker/pervert and a creep defending the aforementioned pervert. My anger was still flaring.

Yet, it seemed a bit weird to me. If he truly was a pervert, he had unlimited chances to make advances to me. I had checked the camera footage from my house for the past two years. No footage was showing Mike spying on me. And was Odette really trying to defend a pervert or to make the situation clear?

I couldn't help but feel so much guilt. After witnessing everyone at school avoiding him, my suspicions were that everyone knew of the audio files but no one wanted to discuss them around me. I noticed how many times students and teachers had shushed each other when I was around, as if to not mention something that would make me feel bad.

I tried to blame that on the aftermath of the mugging attempt. But as soon as I heard the files of Mike drooling over me disgustingly, I decided to move on.

Yet, I still felt that weird feeling. And today it was stronger than ever. If Mike was good in one thing, it was giving advice. And he had told me more than once to heed my instincts. And for this matter, I feel his advice is right.

I will listen to my instincts. Just not yet. I want to find out who and why sent me those files first. And maybe, before the school year ends, I will confront Mike for explanations.

Velma shook me out of my deep thoughts, her soft smile lifting my spirits. I smiled back at her. Sometimes she was pushy and needy, but she was a great person. Hopefully this relationship will be for keeps.

As I walked back in the classroom, I saw Mike talking with Sammy the thug. Sammy was a cool karting expert who apparently was also a thug. I don't care, karting is super cool. I find it weird; why are these two talking in such a light hearted manner without having anything in common? I know Mike is a chill person with everyone, but this was quite odd.

I felt a bit of relief when I saw Mike smiling a bit. I am at fault for making him miserable lately, but he deserves it for what he did. Or, not? I am so fucking confused.

Maybe I should ask my parents to tell their associates about the audio files. Maybe I am stupid, but I have a small hope that Mike isn't a pervert and that this is all a huge prank.

He won't forgive me if that is true. That's maybe the reason why I feel so much guilt. After all we have been through, after all the shit that happened between us the past few months, I still care, even when I don't want to.

I smiled sadly, looking ahead of me. So that's what Mike meant back then.