{A/N: the character whitley from the pokemon adventures manga is part of this chapter-- just wanted to clarify to avoid confusion :)}
Nurse Joy: Don't worry, euthanasia is painless.
Iris: No, you don't get it. I WANT it to hurt!
Nate, stuffed in a small carrier crate: STICKING OUT YOUR GYATT FOR THE RIZZLER!
Iris: Look, a ladder!
Rosa: That's a "step"-ladder.
Iris: So? What's the difference? You need to stop judging things based on narrow-minded cultural assumptions, Rosa!
Rosa: *About to do something incredibly stupid*
Hugh: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.
Lacey: Drayton? You just drove through a stop sign without stopping.
Drayton: I'll stop twice on the way back.
Iris: No, it can't be! How did you get back here before us?
Rosa: Uh... how did we, Nate?
Nate: Well, ya got me. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.
Hilda: Just think of it as you're being let go, that your life's going in a different direction, that your corpse is part of a permanent outplacement.
Nate: Hey, that's kind of like what they said to you when you got fired!
Hilda: I know. It's called a cruel irony.
Cheren: My level of gay has reached "sighing deeply whenever anything extremely heterosexual happens near me".
Iris: Met a dumbass today. Awful.
Elesa: You looked in a mirror?
Iris: Someday you will have to answer for your actions and God may not be so merciful.
Cheren: Are you having another depressive episode?
Hilda: A depressive episode?
Hilda: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.
Iris: Heyyy Rosa, how's your... drink??
Rosa: What do you mean drink? It's coffee.
Iris: You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker*
Rosa: *Looks to coffee maker*
*Cement sitting beside the coffee maker*
Rosa:...I'm on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead.
Nate: *shoves his hand in the slot of a toaster*
Hugh: ...
Nate: ...I get confused sometimes.
Hugh: Me too.
Emmet: Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. It was because shut up. Shut up is why.
Hilbert: You can call me Hilbert. I'm currently 14 years old. Not that you care, but I reside in the middle of Nuvema Town, also I've no plan to marry. In order to make a living, I work for Shopping Mall Nine part-time. After a long day's work, I return home no later than 8 PM. I don't smoke or drink. I'm always in bed by 11 PM, and I make it a point to get no less than 8 hours of sleep each night. Before bed, I drink a warm glass of milk, it's always coupled with 20 minutes of stretching to decompress from the long work day. Sweet dreams are the usual result of this. I then awake as refreshed and recharged as a newborn baby, ready to take on the day's challenges, and after my last checkup I was given a clean bill of health. For as long as I can remember, I've done everything in my power to live a productive life that allows me to pursue a lasting inner peace. This may be a foreign concept, but I choose not to concern myself with winning or losing, life's troubles, or enemies who bring sleepless nights. That is how I cope with this backwards life we find ourselves living, it's what brings me happiness in a world fraught with hardship and misery. Of course, if I were ever to engage in combat, I would win the battle without question.
*Rosa, Elesa and Drayton are riding on Blitzle*
Rosa, about Drayton: Tell him to eat shit, Elesa.
Elesa: Tell him yourself.
Rosa: Eat shit, asshole! Fall off your Blitzle!
Cress, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
Nate: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
Crispin, visibly confused: Okay, so he decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Cress, spraying Nate: You FUCKING DUMBASS!
Nate: Dude, I forgot-
Cress: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
Cilan: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*
Iris: Well, you know what they say-- go big or go home!
Cheren: I am begging you, Iris. For once in your life, go home. Please, just this once-- go home.
Iris, whispering: I'm goin' big.
Cheren: aaAAAGHHH!
Emmet: If I didn't know better, Elesa, I'd say you were scared.
Elesa: Heh, scared?
*absolute silence*
Elesa: DID YOU HEAR THAT?!
Cheren: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don't murder someone right now.
Chili: There are no books in prison.
Cheren: *sighs* Thank you.
Cilan: If Chili and I were drowning, who would you save?
Cress: You two can't swim?
Cilan: It's a hypothetical question, Cress! Who would you save?
Cress: My time and effort.
Plasma Grunt: Can you shoot a gun?
Whitley: ...Maybe?
Plasma Grunt: Can you defend yourself in hand-to-hand combat?
Whitley: Sort of? ...No.
Plasma Grunt: Hmm. Do you believe Top Gun has gay overtones?
Whitley: Duh, yes.
Plasma Grunt: Yep, she's a sharp one.
Iris: Okay, that's it.
Ingo: No, Iris, don't.
Iris: Buddy, you're ugly... and nobody likes you!
Ingo: Oh no...
*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Bianca: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Hugh: No, Bianca. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Bianca: No, that's not part of it—
Hugh: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Nate: I would want to live with no legs.
Hugh: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Nate. You don't do anything.
Bianca: All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him.
Hugh: *pumps frantically*
Bianca: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.
Hugh: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Rosa: How's that gonna help you?
Hugh: I will divide and then count to it.
Rose: Right.
Bianca: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Hugh: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.
Hugh: Why does nobody tell me when people come over? I came downstairs singing All Star while wearing a "say hey if you're gay" shirt and boxers!
Hugh: Everyone was there. EVERYONE! Including Rosa!
Hugh: They saw.
Nate: My dad died when I was little so whenever someone jokes about fucking my mom I'll pretend to be really sincere and say some shit like "Glad to see she's moving on, my dad's death hit her pretty hard." Then watch them absolutely fumble trying to figure out a response to that statement.
Nate: Update, she got a new partner I can no longer make the joke.
Elesa: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this.
Hilda: I literally said "I have an idea," and you just went along with it without question.
YOU ARE READING
Pokémon Incorrect Quotes
Fanfictionpokemon incorrect quotes that may or may not fit the characters. has SOME hints to some romantic relationships, but mostly just platonic quotes.
