ANUGAAMINI- The Boundaries

44. Mishmash

The early morning hues filled the room and she stretched her arms. She saw Vanraj when she turned her head and soon she was reminded of the conversation last night. Her fears of coerced abortion filled her mind. With no obvious expressions on her face, she stared at him waiting for him to take his last night's words back but he seemed to be in no mood.

She checked the time and it was 4:10.  "Aap... Itni jaldi uth gaye aaj...", she took her hair and rolled it in her hands and pinned them in a bun.

"Hmm... Soch ra tha kuch...", he cut his lower lip and held her hand when she tried to get up. "Ruko yahi baitho do minute...".

She stayed at his command or request or whatever it was she didn't waste time trying to name it. "Agar reports positive aayi to abortion ke liye chalna hai."

"Par mujhe ni k-"

"Aur main pooch nahi raha hoon bata raha hoon...", he said sternly.

For sometime, there was no ground beneath her. But then she had to compose herself, lest she wants to waste her time in silence.

"Vanraj ji pl..ease... Nahi... Humara baccha main ni girvaaungi-", she dropped tears and joined her hands. He wiped her tears and held her hands.

"Main samjhta hoon tumhari feelings aur tumhe kya lagta meri feelings nahi hongi bacche ke liye? Haan? Mujhe bhi bura lag raha hai aisa bolte hue, sochte hue... But meri priority meri ye family hai abhi and abhi hum use extend ni kar sakte... Aur bacche ka kya hai hum hain na? to dobaara phir ho jaayega Anupamaa... Not a big deal...", he said in a helpless tone.

"Vanraj ji nahiii... Mere liye hai ne big deal... Pleasjj pleasjj pleasjjj ni...", she gripped his hands.

He patted her hands and then her cheeks. "Mentally prepare karlo khud ko aur khaana jaldi bana lo... Pehle hum hospital hi chalenge... Office baad me jaaunga... Ab jab tak tests nahi ho jaate hain tab tak tension rahegi mujhe...", he kissed her forehead and cleared her tears.

"Vanraj ji aise mat boliye pleasjj... Main... M..ain sab sambhaal loongi pakka... Humara baccha hai aap aise kyun soch rahe hain uske baare mein... Pleasjj na...", she requested.

"Anupama tum samjh n-"

"Nahi pleasjjj mera baccha nahi khona hai mujhe aap aise mat kijiye na... Main pakka sab manage kar loongi acche se... Aapke upar koi zimmedaari ni daaloongi sab sambhaal loongi... College, ghar, pariwar sab dekh loongi... Bilkul nervhous nahi houngi... Bilkul daroongi bhi nahi par abortion ki baat mat kijiye... Baccho ke baare me aise nahi bolte hain...", she shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

He looked up to suck his tears back up and then at her face. He didn't know it would be this hard to say this to her but he would not let it happen any other way than he wanted. He ran his hand on her hair and picked his phone up and got busy in it not knowing how else to deal with her.

She imagined the hospital where she would be taken for abortion when she wouldn't want to do it. She would fear the equipment they'll use and other scenarios that she brewed in her head. She knew once he said it there is no going back. It had been like this since months and there were no hopes that it'd change in future.

She wasn't even sure if she bears the child or not yet the fear that she could lose it before getting to even feel it in her belly felt so real. Her body got loose and she found it difficult to move even an inch. There were no words right now in her mouth.

In ten minutes, her plethora of worries faded in front of the issue of securing her child. She thought she could manage it all and old worries weren't the nexus of her concerns anymore.

"An..u.pama...??", he stirred her softly enough to not hurt her. "Please mat ro..."

She wiped her tears and set her feet on floor. She took a deep breath but it almost choked her. She gulped on some water. She doesn't care anymore how would she go to college in a fat tummy.