Ceilings- AJxNiko

Part 10

2 months had passed, and nothing new had happened. Same Old same old. Aj was meeting up with Zayden once every 1-2 weeks, updating her on his life. They usually went to the park near his house seeming what had happened last time she was there. Alyah was over more, but Niko was paying attention to Aj again. Aj and Niko hadn't had an interaction like the one before, but Aj may or may not think about it every night before bed. They were back to their casual flirting, but at times it was next level. If anyone had heard they'd think they were a couple, and Aj wasn't complaining. 

There was one minor incident where Alyah had come over as Aj and Niko were cuddling on the sofa. She had a couple words to say, but Aj just told her to shut up or get out the house. Niko hadn't involved himself in that, just wanting them to get along but he knew how hot-headed Aj could be so didn't force anything. Yeah that day Aj had exceeded his smoking limit. Aj was still smoking, but limited himself to 2-3 a day. 

That evening, Aj was sat on his hidden balcony, having his third cig. The balcony was littered with cigarette butts as he hadn't expected anyone to find his secret location. Boy was he wrong.

Sharky decided to check in on Aj, see if he wanted to hang out or something. He knocked on Aj's bedroom door, once, twice, thrice. No response. He wondered if the boy was asleep but it was 5.p.m. there was no way he would be. He opens the door and walks into Aj's room. It was unusually tidy apart from discarded clothes  on the floor. He looks around and doesn't find Aj. He walks into his bathroom. No Aj. He knew he hadn't left the house, as he'd seen him go into his room earlier and hadn't left. He looks out the bathroom window, and sees a small ledge. The grip was kind of worn out, obvious someone had been on there multiple times. He carefully hops out onto the ledge, before a cloud of smoke clouded his vision. He looks round the side, and sees a corner of another ledge. Huh. 4 years in this house and he didn't know about this balcony. He carefully walks across and jumps onto the ledge. 

He stares in shock, as he sees the man he was looking for. Curled into the corner, cigarette between his fingers, surrounded by cigarette butts. It was clear that this wasn't his first time.

"Aj?!" Sharky exclaims.

Aj looks up in shock. Uh. How would he explain this. 

"Uh, hey Sharks , whats up?" He laughs nervously, taking another puff. Hey, he wasn't going to waste it now was he.

"Aj..." Sharky whispers, "Why?" He sits next to Aj. 

Aj sighs, tears falling down his face, taking a final puff before he stubs it out. Letting out a huffed laugh.

"Sharky. Do you know what it's like to be living but not feel alive. Having every emotion you could ever think of, but not feel a thing. Having so much noise in your head, that it all silences out, everything runs around your head, until it all turns into nothing. It gets too much, Sharks. And the only thing that makes it stop, the one thing that makes you feel, is the one thing that brings you closer to death. The one thing that makes you feel alive, is something that kills you. You feel dead but you're living. Alone but surrounded by people, and a little voice in your head tells you you're nothing. I'm just tired of everything. I hate everything. nothing brings me joy or makes me feel happy, but at the same time sometimes I feel happy and excited when lI'm with you. I do nothing. Nothing as my life passes me by. I wish I could go back to before, before everything happened, where I never felt like this where I was so innocent to the depressing side of life. I hate feeling so alone all the time just me and my thoughts. I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm tired of everything. I hate seeing others living their life's and prospering. I'm jealous Sharks. Everything just sucks. I know I have you guys, but the voice tells me I have no one I cant truly talk to because I act like everything with me is okay but in reality it's the exact opposite. I even sometimes pretend to have conversations with people in my head or daydream of scenarios where he loves me back and everything is okay. But then reality hits and I remember the reality of my life and something like that would never happen. Its all too much." Aj takes a deep breath, face stained with tears, he was smiling. He looks at Sharky who too had tears running down his face. 

Sharky didn't realise Aj was living like this. Everytime they spoke he said he was fine. He can't believe he didn't notice. 

"Aj, I- I don't know what to say. I- I didn't know it was like this." he started to get angry. Angry at Aj for resulting to this, but also angry at himself. "Why?! Why Aj. Out of everything. Why smoking?! You could've spoke to me. I'm always here. Have I... Have I done something to make you feel like you can't?" 

Aj looked sadly at Sharky. Great. He'd disappointed one of the only people who was truly there for him.

"I'm sorry,"

"No. I'm sorry. For not realising sooner. Fuck. I should've realised."

Both boys were crying now. They both made eye contact and burst out laughing. How did they always end up like this.

"I know what you're thinking Aje. And no I'm not mad nor disappointed. Just. Its a lot ok. And Hey, At least you aren't cutting again," 

Aj freezes, "Uh yeah," Aj replies nervously. 

"Aj." Fuck, He'd been caught. "Show me." 

"SHOW ME AJ." Sharky didn't mean to shout, but he didn't want to accept the  reality. He had let Aj spiral back down into the hole he'd pulled him back out of years ago.

Aj reluctantly pulls up his sleeve, hearing Sharky gasp. 

"Oh Aj."

"I'm sorry Sharks. But please don't tell anyone. Not Kenny. Not Niko. Not Amin. No one can know. It was meant to be once. Just one time. But it's addicting. Finally feeling after months of numbness. It was too much. Trust me, this is deeper than you know. There are things you don't know the half of." Aj was waffling at this point, he felt like it was time to tell Sharky. Anything to get the attention off his wrists.

"Tell me."

"You can't judge me or anything yeah?" 

"I never would. Aj you could kill a man and I wouldn't judge you for it. But not here. Lets go to AAS." 

Aj nods. He knew Sharky would find out eventually, so he might as well find out on his own accord. 

The boys get up and drive to their spot. They stopped on the way to get Ice cream and Sensations, as this was a deep chat. 

The boys sat on the grass, against an old battered wall, they usually used as a goal when they played football.

"Ok, you ready. Cause it's a lot."

"Go on.."

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1234 words (genuinely you can count lol)

Ahhhhh. Next Chap is Aj telling Sharky, but Ima make it like a flashback.

anyways, bye loveliessss.