Ceilings- AJxNiko

Part 38

Friday evening. Aj was getting ready for his show, he was nervous. Aj had put everything into this song. He was good at writing his feelings, but could never express it in words. He hadn't told his friends he had written this song yet, wanting to see their genuine reactions. He was stood in the wings, wiping his sweaty hands on his cargos. 

"Ok next up we have a fan favourite, Aj Shabeel!" The announcer says, an applause raising through the crowd. Ajs anxiety began to rise, he hated being on  stage, he hated the idea of being shown off in front of people, but singing relieved him. It made him forget his angers to the world, releasing all the stress pent up in his body.

"Good luck, baby," Niko says, giving Aj a kiss. AJ just nods, wanting to save his breath for the stage. 

He walks onto the stage, raising his arm waving at the crowd.

"Hey, how's everyone doing," Aj says into the mic, "So today, I'll be singing one of the first songs I wrote, which you guys are familiar with 'Ceilings' and a new one. Uhm so yh," 

Aj clears his voice as the backing track begins to play. He starts to sing memories flooding his mind. He remembers when he showed Chunkz this song, him crying in his arms. The memory of Niko and him yelling at each other, their arguments. The way Sharky comforted him, the way Kenny stood by his side through it all. It was all coming back. 

No matter how many times Niko heard  the song, it always brought tears to his eyes. Haunted by the mistakes of his past, the things he did but regrets. Niko isn't a person of regrets, but he regrets hurting Aj. He knows Aj has forgiven him but he can't help but feel bad. A tearing pain in his chest remembering the things he's done. He looks up to see Aj staring right at him, but instead of hatred clouding his eyes, it was replaced with love. Pure love. Like lasers shooting out his eyes, penetrating Niko's.

The song comes to an end, and Niko is the first to clap, followed by the boys and the audience.

"Thank you. The next song is about my own experiences, uhm, I feel like I wanted to talk about my experience and just tell you that its ok to not be ok, you know. I was lucky enough to have great people to fall back upon, even if I didn't realise it at the time. I always knew it, I just couldn't believe it, so I began to distance myself. I realise now that wasn't the right move, but hey we learn as we go, and thats okay. Uhm, the song is called Sober. Uhm, I don't drink, but this is to do with a problem I had,  and an addiction I'm still fighting to get over. Thanks,"

The music started playing, Aj looked around the room, too scared to lay his eyes on his friends. The slow sound of a piano began to fill the room as Aj's beautiful voice took over...

I got no excuses for all of these goodbyes
Call me when it's over, 'cause I'm dying inside
Wake me when the shakes are gone
And the cold sweats disappear
Call me when it's over and myself has reappeared

Tears began to flood his eyes, recalling his old self; the hole he'd re-dug and buried himself into. He'd lost himself, and his boys had saved him. They had gone out their way to search and find him again. 

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
I do it every, every, every time
It's only when I'm lonely
Sometimes I just wanna cave and I don't wanna fight
I try and I try and I try and I try and I try
Just hold me, I'm lonely

Aj was still cutting from time to time, but he was basically clean at this point. He remembers how he'd convinced all the boys he was done, with the smoking and cutting. But he wasn't. Those late nights he missed his lover, he'd cut and cut. Shutting off every unwanted pained feeling that smashed into his heart every time, until it shattered. Crumbled. The constant thought of wanting to end his life, wanting to end his battle with the world, taking him over.