Midnight Moon (2)

Chapter 22 - Guilt

Her phone buzzed again.

Amy pulled away from the kiss sliding over my stretched out legs to reach for her phone. I sat up quickly, feeling the smoothness of my bed's wooden headboard behind me.

"Ugh," she sighed before tapping angrily onto her phone screen.

I watched her silently, wondering what I was doing. Did I even like Amy? I studied her from the side. She was nothing like Neveah. Short, straight hair, slim and tall, pixie face with an upturned nose and large eyes. Not to mention, her style was completely different. She was artsy, with cool chunky knitted sweaters that boasted multiple colours and flowery patterns. She wore fun DIY neon earrings in shapes of waffles, pancakes and cocktails. She was kind, fun, cool, attractive, and still nothing compared to Neveah.

I laughed to myself remembering her quick temper, the way her eyebrows furrowed angrily when I annoyed her too much. I remembered how her eyes softened the minute she looked at me, sucking the breath out of my lungs. I remembered her laugh, down to the snorting intermissions.

"What's so funny?" asked Amy crawling back on top of me.

I smiled at her, brushing my hand up her arm before gently pushing her away so I could sit up.

"Nothing, just thinking." I replied, "Was that your dad on the phone?"

Amy rolled her eyes, leaning over the side of the bed to pick up her shirt which was in a crumpled pile on the floor.

"He wants me to come home early, apparently we're hosting dinner tonight and needs me to help my mom buy groceries." Amy slipped her shirt on over her bra and pulled on one of her chunky pale yellow sweaters, this one had large deep blue flowers printed on it.

"Which reminds me, do you want to come over?" asked Amy slinging her bag over her shoulder.

"Tonight? Nah, I can't. I've got history homework." I responded instinctively

"No we don't, we just finished our unit remember? The new syllabus won't start until after the mock examinations." said Amy scrunching her eyebrows. 

"Oh, right, right. I meant to say that I have, uh, theology, homework. From the club." I twiddled with the blanket nervously.

"Didn't know we had that club." said Amy sarcastically.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" I asked, getting up.

"Don't you find it convenient that you're always busy at the exact time that I invite you over for family dinner?" shot Amy suddenly. I stood agape, taken aback from the sudden attack.

"I...I"

"It's like you don't want this to be serious. We only ever hang out when its just us two at your house. Even at school you don't try. Do you actually like me, Seth? or am I just a game to you?" She stood adamantly staring upwards at me. Her gaze was cold and her face was emotionless.

"Amy, I..."

"Don't try and say something you don't mean, Seth Clearwater. Either tell me you love me or leave me the fuck alone. I can't be assed to play these little love games anymore." Amy turned towards the door to sweep out, I caught her wrist just before she passed and pulled her back into my room.

"I'm not ready." I said quickly. I dropped her hand, faintly aware she was staring at it. "I'm not ready to say 'I love you' because I need more time. I... I find you so cool and so pretty, not to say that's all about you! You're so sweet and caring and light up the room and I feel safe around you its just that.. I'm just scared its not going to last because, well I... my... my last relationship..."

I looked up cautiously from the floor, half expecting to see Amy turn and leave.

Instead she was looking at me. Eyeing up and down.

"Do you still love her?" she asked 

"What?"

"Do you still love her? Do you like her better than me?"

I took a moment to process the question. My hesitance answered more than my words ever could.

"Its too early to tell." I replied weakly

"There's no right time." said Amy, she looked away sadly, "Only the right people. Clearly I'm not one of them."

The door slammed shut behind her fuzzy cardigan back, blowing a final gust of air into my face.