Storm and Grace

I Don't Want Another Love

Lin-Manuel's POV

I stood there. Numbed. My best friend, my little sister, was not gonna make it. This was too real.

Jen had been a light in many people's lives. She was bubbly, she was loving, inspiring, patient. She was the definition of love and dignity. Her life had been a dream. Until she rejected Alex. Everything changed in that instant.

"What did the doctor say?" I heard Vanessa whisper behind me. I turned around and faced her. She was standing next to Ricky. Both of them desperate for answers.

"She won't make it," I managed to say.

"What?" Vanessa whispered. Her eyes began to fill with tears.

"That can't be true," Ricky shook his head. "She can make it."

I looked at him and shook my head. Confirming her mortality.

Ricky let out a gasp and began to openly cry.

Vanessa reached out to him and hugged him. They both cried together as I stood there, unable to move. Unable to react.

How would we all go on without her?

"What is going on?" I heard Jen's mom voice.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to be the one to tell her that she would have to say goodbye to her only daughter. Her only child.

I looked at her and sniffed. "The doctor said she won't make it."

Her eyes widened and she began to cry.

I quickly pulled her in for a hug. She was like a second mother to me. A woman that believed in me when no one else did. A woman that had welcomed me and my family into theirs. Making us feel like the beautiful blended family we never thought we needed.

"I'm so sorry," I cried. I cried along with her.

"We should tell everyone," I heard Vanessa say. I pulled away from Jen's mother and we both looked at her. Vanessa was trying to be the strong one.

"I don't know if I can tell Johnny," I cried.

Vanessa nodded and silently wept. "We'll do it together."

I nodded. I grabbed Jen's mom hand and led her to where everyone was waiting. The minute they saw us walk in, they looked at us.

"I talked to the doctor," I sniffed. "He said we need to make arrangements."

I stopped. I couldn't say it. Not to everyone.

"Arrangements for what?" Jen's grandfather asked.

I looked at him but I couldn't say anything.

"The doctor said that Jen won't make it," Vanessa finished off where I left off. "They asked us to prepare for the time when we have to let her go."

Within seconds, there were cries coming from everyone in that waiting room. We all stood there, crying. Sharing the same pain.

My eyes began to search for Johnny. He was now seating down in one of the chairs, openly sobbing. His hands would occasionally cover his face. His face was swollen, red, and wet from all of the tears he had been shedding.

I walked towards him and held him. We sat there and cried together.

The world had not been fair to this poor man. Even today, in Hollywood, whenever I was questioned about my friendship with Johnny, I was always looked at funny. Suspicion always cloudy their gaze towards me. But I didn't care. They didn't know him like I did. All they knew was what they had read on some stupid website or article. Johnny's name came with controversy and very few gave him the time of day.

But I knew his heart. In the time that I had gotten to know him, I knew how hard he loved. And how he would have given his own life to make sure Jen would have lived. Hollywood didn't deserve him. He was too pure, too honest in an industry where they were not.

Hours later, as we all silently continued to cry. Jen's grandmother came back. "I called a priest. He'll be here shortly to give my baby the last rites."

I felt my heart drop all the way down to my stomach.

How is this happening?

Everyone looked at her but said nothing. I wish I had her faith. I knew that her religion and her faith were the only thing that kept her family going. But I was a mess. Everyone was.

Minutes later, we all walked into Jen's room and circled her bed. Where her almost lifeless body laid.

Jen's grandmother walked in with a Catholic priest.

My mind immediately wandered off.

"Jen," I sighed. "Johnny is a nice guy. But he's so much older than you."

She looked at me and waited for me to continue.

"I know that they say age is nothing but a number," I continued. "But he's 24 years older than you. Are you sure he's the one?"

She smiled and then gave me one of her most infectious laughs.
"He's the one, I promise."

"How do you know?" I sighed. I needed answers. I wanted her to assure me she wasn't enamored with the idea of falling in love with Johnny Depp. The actor. The legend.

"Because when I'm with him, I feel like I can do anything," she responded with a smile. "That I can be myself in the most perfect, most flawed way possible. I feel happiest when I'm with him. Because when I'm with him, work comes second. And I can finally see myself as a mother."

I looked at her. She seemed so happy. So confident. So sure, of herself. I had never heard her talk that way before. Work always came first. She even said that if she ever found the right man, work would still come first. I knew that second that Jen meant it when she said Johnny was the love of her life.

"I can finally see myself settling down," she continued. "Be at home. Even now, when I'm at home with him. I don't need to work. I don't feel stress about creating. Because I feel that my creativity comes from him. From being in love. Creativity is something that I do and no longer think about. I found love. I found my reason to live."

"Let's begin," I heard someone call out. Immediately snapping me out of my memories.

The priest opened up his Bible and began.

"Heavenly Father, we are all gathered here today to say goodbye to our beloved Jennifer," he began.

My heart felt heavy.

"No," Johnny screamed out. Johnny began to walk towards the priest and yanked the Bible from his hand. "We are not saying goodbye to her. How dare you?!"

"John," I screamed out. "Stop!"

Sean and Ricky immediately walked towards Johnny and began to restrain him. "Stop it," Ricky begged him.

"He needs to leave," Johnny growled. "She's not going anywhere."

"Johnny," I said grabbing his shoulders and helping Sean and Ricky in restraining him. "Listen to me, we need to do this. For Jen."

"Fuck that," he screamed out. "He needs to leave. Now!"

The room was now chaos.

"I'm sorry about that," Ricky turned to look at the priest. "Please give us a couple of minutes."

"I understand," he nodded. He walked out the room with Jen's grandparents following him.

Jen's dad looked at Johnny and gave him a sad look. He understood his pain.

"We got him," I whispered to him. "Give us a couple of minutes."

He nodded and walked out.

"John, please," I begged. His eyes were filled with rage.

"How dare all of you be a part of this shit storm?" he growled. "This mockery of life. I won't let him come back in."

"We need to do this," Ricky pleaded with him.

"If he does come back in, make sure he does one for me," he sobbed. We all looked at him.

"I won't make it," he sobbed. "If Jen dies, I will too."