It was set in the fine threads of Yggdrasil, that they were never to be with one another, or the world as they know would cease to exist. Loki's tired of it. He wants this more than anything. But will you give up your safety net? Could you risk it a...
Sometimes you wished you were dead. What was the point? Why live? Why survive if you would die without experiencing joy?
Your shoulders feel heavy. Get up.
Thick smells of antiseptic filled your nostrils, and irritating beeps lodged you awake. Monitors and screens filled your senses, and before you knew it- Loki.
You shot up from the bed, scaring both Rocket and Groot. "Where's Loki?" you shouted.
"I am Groot," replied the tree.
"I am Groot?" you replied, disbelief surging through your body. It couldn't be.
"I am Groot," he confirmed.
No. You could have saved him. Worthless, stupid bitch. He could have had a happy life, any life at all. You fucking dumb cunt, you failed.
"Where is he?" you turned to face the racoon, repeating your question when he looked at you blankly. "Where is Loki?"
"Your Loki is fine, Lokliten... He's... They sent him off."
What in the ever-loving fuck. You killed him. You made him die. He died because you couldn't even try. Now, you didn't even get to say goodbye.
Loki was walking up the stairs, returning from the canteen, when he heard your scream of anguish. His heart began to race and his exhaustion was pushed aside by the rush of adrenaline flowing through his body. Why were you screaming? He leaves for one minute and-
"Loki," you shout, to which he couldn't decipher if it was excitement or fear. Both perhaps.
Loki moved towards you, and with every step he took forward, you took a step back. He stopped when your back hit the wall of the room, and you landed in a corner. "Darling, it's me."
"Lover boy, she's in shock," Rocket spoke, only to be ignored by the god of mischief. The racoon quickly began to tap something on his arm, which you blatantly ignored.
Loki tried taking a step towards you, and you pressed your back into the corner, waiting for some magical force to just make you disappear. You couldn't do this to him. He deserved so much, and you couldn't take it away from him.
"Don't," you managed to sob out, your tears streaming down your face as your nose begged to be blown and relieved from how clogged it was with mucus. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't hurt me," he tried to reason. When he opened his mouth to speak again, the Widow's voice filled your ears, and you snapped your head like a deer in headlights to look at her.
"Змея," Natasha stared at you with a look all too familiar on her face, "He was meant to die."
What?
"He was meant to die," she tried to coerce you. You were livid.
"Loki, he.." she began, "We found him at the Time Variance Authority, just before he was to put a pruning stick to his head. We managed to calm him. Ask him to help us fight. His nexus event... He was going to kill himself anyway. Wanda helped him, but he still... He wanted death."
Loki himself stood solemn. Even though it wasn't himself, it still felt like his innermost thoughts when he was younger were being ripped apart from his mind and retold like in a storybook for children.
"It's not your fault. It's not any of ours. Think about it. What life would he have had?"
"He could have still had a life," you reason irrationally. Natasha did have a point. Who did Loki have? Lokliten. Whatever his name was. He was still Loki. He would always be Loki to you.
"It's not your duty to save everyone." A cloud of darkness engulfed you, and before you realised it Wanda trapped you in a mist of red.
~~~
You woke up not long after, no longer in a hospital gown, but still lying in a gatch bed. You tried to move your body, and it groaned in frustration. A cool palm laid itself in yours. Loki's hand.
You shot awake, eyes wide open and heart rate skyrocketing, pulling away your hand as though it would burn him, and he would be no more.
Loki's sleeping self jerked itself awake in response to your actions, alert for an intruder but finally realised you were just in shock again.
"Darling, it's me." he tried to reason. It was in vain.
"Don't fucking touch me," you cried, "You'lldie!"
Loki grabbed your hands, watching you writhe in bed, scrambling to escape his grasp. Your legs kicked and your arms flailed and your hair was in your mouth with all the shaking you were doing.
"I won't!" Loki yelled. "I'malive. I won't die. Not unless I want to."
"I killed him," you sobbed. The drugs and opioids that filled your veins merely hours earlier, seemed to take an effect now. You wished for anything to calm your body down from the pain you felt, not just from your injuries. "I'm the reason he's dead. I killed him and I might kill you too."
"Love," Loki cooed, as you unwillingly fell into his embrace, Shuri came in to check on your vitals as Loki motioned to her to leave. She followed his instructions.
"I love you Loki. I love you too much just for you to die. I don't want you to die. I-" Your nose was stuffy. Your heart was palpitating, and your chest heaved with pressure. "It hurts. I love you so much it hurts. You're so, you deserve so much. I can't keep being the reason you don't live anymore. I just want you to be okay, even if that means you're not in my life."
"My sweet, I-" Loki tried to respond. His eyes flushed a deep emerald, and his eyebrows began to furrow. You could feel his heart trump against your body and suddenly, the monitors felt too loud, the room too sterile and soul-crushing.
"No," you interrupted, "Let me finish... I love you. You're such a strong, loveable person. But not everyone has seen it that way. You can do so many wonderful things. You made a wonderful king, even when others disapproved. You, Loki, you have so much potential, in every timeline I saw at the TVA, I was always so bewildered at how amazing you were. You had so little, but so much love. You never get the love you give, and it kills me that my love ends with your body in pain. I want to give you so much, but I fear I might just take everything away instead. The other Loki's- i- They died because of me. I couldn't save them. Let me save you-"
"Shut up," he whispered before he kissed you, stopping you from pouring in any other hurtful words. His lips felt feverish against yours, pleading, begging for you not to be infected by such sinful thoughts. His fingers flexed against all areas across your face, as though you'd slip through them like a sheet of silk. "You never killed them. I've told you so many times, and I think I will just have to tell you some more."
Your mouth tasted like Loki, and you feared if this was the last time he kissed you, you might as well savour his mouth, his taste, everything he smelled like, felt like. You didn't swallow, or breathe in, hoping his feeling on your body would last forever.
"I love you," his head rested atop yours, eyes peering towards your lips, "And I'd let the entire multiverse burn if it meant I could have you in my arms till the end of time."
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whoops book over! now should i publish the other loki x reader? or the tom hiddleston x reader?
hope y'all enjoyed this little fiesta, i love you guys <<3
