Somebody's Child

~ S E V E N T E E N ~

I took out a lighter and cigarette, bringing the stick I hid from Harry to my lips as I used my one hand to block out the wind and the other to use the lighter and light it. I inhaled a breath, and felt the nicotine go down my throat and sighed in relief.

I started smoking almost 2 years ago. The only reason I could think of as why I started in the first place, is because what Harry was going through, and the stress impacted me so much. Harry never knew I smoked, because I didn't smoke often, just when I was really stressed to the point where I couldn't function properly, or when I was thinking about killing myself.

After that dream, suicide and killing myself was always on my mind after Harry. Harry was always my number one priority at the brothel, and he will continue to be the number 1 priority until the day I die.

All the trauma I endured as a child, that I threw away to the back of my brain, has somehow managed to find its way back to my conscious mind and it was coming in full force. I have random flashbacks when I see something that even slightly reminded me of the place. I had an anger inside me that just wanted to come out and attack Jeff.

Why would jeff kidnap me, then rape me and sell me to random men for money. I was a fucking child! My jaw clenched just at the thought, and I took another drag. This wasn't helping me anymore, I needed something stronger than just a cigarette.

I took it out of my mouth and looked at it while it burned. The fiery red and orange at the tip with the ashes. I slowly moved the burning ashes to my wrist and pushed it down onto my arm, causing a shot of adrenaline to rush through my body. I loved the feeling; it made me feel alive.

I placed it onto my skin again, the burning feeling made me forget about everything for just a few seconds. I needed this pain. I craved it.

When the cigarette got small, I threw the cigarette into the ashtray before standing up and walking back into the bedroom. I laid down beside Harry and pulled him close to me, kind of like a mama bear protecting her cub. I popped a piece of gum into my mouth to take away the smoke smell. "I won't let you go through what I did Harry. I will protect you with my life." I said kissing his cheek.

I laid there, scrolling on my phone for the remainder of the night and into the early morning. The rain stopped and now it was just dew and fog covering the mountains. I laid there and waited for Harry to wake up as I listened to the bird's chirp through the early morning sunrise.

I could hear Gemma and Anne awake, downstairs sitting on the back porch while Gemma fed Genevieve and talking. Harry started fussing in his sleep and I knew what was about to come. His family was unaware of his nightmares, and I wanted to keep it that way.

If right on cue, Harry started screaming bloody murder as he wailed his body all over the bed. I sat on top of him and pinned his arms down with my legs and covered his mouth with my hand. "Shh love please. Its okay I'm here. " I cooed as he started waking up. I got off him and started running my hands through his hair as he opened his eyes.

"L-Lou?" He asked half-awake. I smiled before kissing him. "Good morning love." I replied hugging him tightly. we laid there, him in my arms for a few minuets before there was a knock on the door.

"Louis? is everything okay in there? We heard screaming." Daisy said from the other side of the door. "Screaming? did I-" Harry started, and I nodded. "Everything is okay Daisy. We will be out soon." I replied as I kissed him again.

The truth is, I didn't want to get up, I wanted to lay here with Harry all day and not have anymore flashbacks. I knew I wasn't going to be able to control them through out the day for long and I will end up harming myself in broad daylight. I needed help, and so did Harry.

I needed to find a therapist and fast, before Its too late and my inner demons kill me. The gender reveal was planned for tomorrow since Harry had been sick for a while, so today I thought we could just relax together, and I would find us a therapist to go to.

"Lou-" Harry said and I looked at him. "Yes love?" I asked playing with his curls again. "What happened to your arm? There's little circles imbedded in your skin." He asked confused. I didn't say anything, just kept on rubbing his arm.

"Did you- hurt yourself?" he asked, and I tensed up. I didn't want to worry him so I had to come up with a reasonable lie that he would believe. "I was making tea last night love. I couldn't sleep so I made myself some tea and accidently burned my arm. I was exhausted and wasn't wide awake. It was an accident love." I said, feeling quite proud of the lie.

Somehow my lie had worked, and he believed me. He just cuddled more into my side, nuzzling his head into my chest. "I don't want to move. I'm too comfy." He said tracing circles on my bare chest. "You don't have to move love, its alright."

"You know what I have been thinking? Maybe we could both get another matching tattoo?" He said and I smiled. "I'm not sure you can get a tattoo while your pregnant love. But as soon as you give birth, 100% we will get another matching one to add to our collection. It also gives us time to find ones we like." I smiled as my hand went to his back and started rubbing slowly.

"I do want to talk to about us starting therapy on Friday. I found a local therapist, excellent ratings and the best in Vancouver. We can either go together or separately-" I started to say, and he cut me off. "Together!" he blurted out and I smiled. "I just knew you were going to say that love. But this appointment is going to help us with all of the trauma we have endured over the years of -" I started but stopped as flashbacks started.

I closed my eyes and tried to control them as best I could, but I was seeing picture after picture of Jeff raping me and beating me all the way up the moment we escaped. I gasped as I sat up quickly, catching my breath. I looked at Harry who was absolutely worried and frightened with what just happened.

I laid back down and cuddled close to Harry. "Louis, what just happened?" He asked as he looked at me. I stared at him lips for a few minuets before I answered him. "It was just a flashback love. A flashback of the brothel when you were working." I lied to him. Dammit Louis you lied to him!

I saw that sad look on his face as he wiped away tears that I didn't even know were trickling down my cheeks. He's going to find out in therapy that you were lying to him. I snapped myself out of my thoughts and looked back at him.

"I need to tell you something Harry. I need you to be open minded and not get mad, okay?" I said and he looked at me confused. "O-okay." he stuttered nervously. I held his hand as I sat up and looked at him. "Um- you know I was brought to the brothel by Jeff who is unfortunately my uncle right?" I asked and he nodded.

"Well, when I went there, I was a virgin. I had never been with a girl or boy before. I never kissed, hugged or fucked anyone. The first day-" I could feel myself starting to cry. "The first day I was brought there- Jeff raped me- then let 4 other guys do it to." I whispered as I wiped tears from my eyes.

Harry wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. "I am so sorry Lou." He whispered. "For the 5 years I was there I was in the hospital every other month for a suicide attempt." I continued. "This scar on my neck was when I tried to slash my own throat. No, I did slash it- but was unsuccessful at dying. Then I cut my wrists so deep, and I bled out everywhere. I was rushed to the hospital. Harry, I live with demons inside my head still from these days- and I dont know if I can keep doing this alone."

I started crying harder as I held onto Harrys shirt.

There. That was it. My wall had come tumbling down.