Somebody's Child

~ T W E N T Y ~

Weeks went by and summer turned to fall. The crisp cool air and colour changing leaves were only the few things I loved about fall. Harry was now 6 months pregnant with our baby girl and he looked absolutely amazing. He recovered from the poison incident and we were finally back home, hoping things would go back to normal soon.

I watched as Harry waddled into the kitchen and sat down. "Good morning love." I said kissing him. We had a therapy appointment today and I was anxious for it. We had therapy 4 times before and each time Harry left an absolute mess. I hated seeing him so upset but I know this is what needed to happen for him to get better.

"Hi baby." He replied back, not sounding too happy this morning. I didn't take it personally because I knew why he wasn't happy. "I made you your tea love." I said handing it to him. I leaned over and kissed him, but he didn't give one back and that was odd because he usually did.

"After we eat I was thinking we could relax a bit before therapy if you wanted to love." I said as I handed him some avocado toast. He sat there playing with the paper airplane necklace I got him earlier this year and just thinking really hard.

"Do I have to go?" He said moments later after I sat down across from him. "Love, we've been over this. We both need to go so we can get better. For Phoenix. We need to be better for her so when she gets here, we can be the best parents we can.

He nodded as he looked at his food and pushed his plate away. "I'm not hungry" he murmured as he took another sip of tea. I sighed as I began eating my avocado toast.

When I was all finished I took the plates and mugs to the sink to wash them. Harry sat there, his head down  resting in his arms. I put my hand on his back and rubbed it. "Come on love, we will go relax for a little bit. Does a bubble bath sound good?" I asked.

He nodded as he looked back up at me. This time he looked exhausted- like he just ran a 30km race. "Haz? Love are you okay?" I asked feeling his head. He didn't have a fever but his face lost all the colour in it and he turned pale white.

I picked him up and carried him into the bedroom, placing him down on the bed. I turned around just for a second and heard him gasping. I turned back around to him in the middle of a seizure.

His seizures have gotten worse since the first time. Now, they are unpredictable and come whenever they want to. I was taught how to deal with them to make sure he doesn't get hurt.

1. Stay with him at all times
2. Keep him safe and protect him from any injury
3. Put something soft under his head and remove tight clothing.
4. When the seizure is over, roll him onto his side.

I placed Harry onto the ground and put my arms out to help him stay protected from any injury. Once he came out from his seizure I cuddled him and let him rest because he was exhausted. I picked him back up onto the bed and got in beside him.

"I'm sorry" he said looking at me. "Sorry for what love?" I asked as I ran my fingers over his bare chest. "For having these stupid seizures. You didn't sign up for this when we got together, and I just feel like a burden to you now. I-I'm sorry." He said as he started to cry.

"Harry love, look at me. Right at me. You are not a burden. You will never be a burden to me. I love you so much." I said and kissed him again. We laid there in silence for a few hours as I rubbed Harry's back. At noon we had to get up and get ready to leave.

"Harry love, it's time to get up." I said but didn't get an answer. I looked over and noticed he was asleep. He was so soft and delicate while he slept and I absolutely hated doing what I was about to do.

I rubbed Harry's arm until he woke up. "Why Louis." He groaned as he rubbed his eyes. "Love we need to get ready for therapy. I will let you pick out our outfits today if you'd like?" I asked. He nodded as he stretched back and cracked his back before standing up and waddling into the closet.

It only took him 5 minuets to choose something. He came back with a nice outfit that consisted of black skinny jeans, Chelsea boots, and a black T-shirt. He handed me regular jeans, converse and a black t-shirt as well. I took the clothes and quickly changed so he could admire his outfit choice.

Once we were all dressed and ready, we said goodbye to the others and got into the car. It was only about a 40 minute drive so we left a little bit earlier in case there was traffic along the way.

Luckily we didn't end up running into traffic and we made it a bit early. We decided that we would get a coffee and tea from the little cafe that was right across the street. We loved this cafe, and we came here after every appointment to reflect- depending on how Harry was doing at the time.

We walked over and got our tea before we sat down on the bench and drank them a bit. I saw Harry watch all the people walk by and he frowned. "Harry love, tell me. What's going on love? Is everything okay?" I asked him.

He stoped drinking and looked at me, nodding his head. "Y-yeah Lou. Everything is fine love." He said giving me a fake smile.

*~*

We walked into the therapist office and sat down. "Nice to see you again Harry. Louis." Ezra greeted us. We fallowed him into the office and Harry took his seat at his special spot with his bear. I took a seat on the couch and looked at Harry on the bean bag.

"How are you doing Harry?" Ezra asked and he began to colour in his book Ezra gave him the first session. "Mm I'm okay." He replied. "Are you still having nightmares?"

"Yeah"

"Are they the same nightmares repeatedly?"

"Mhm"

"Louis, how is Harry at night? Is he still having nightmares?"

I looked at him and nodded slowly. "Y-yes."

"Harry. How do you feel during the nightmares? Last time you told me you always woke up screaming from them- I want to know how you feel while dreaming"

Harry kept his head down and sighed. "I feel trapped. I cry for Louis to come help me but he doesn't." He said and tears fell down my cheeks.

"You know I'd always be there to help you." I said gently to him.

"I know Lou. I'm sorry my dreams are like that."

I watched as he continued to colour his picture and talk with Ezra about his dreams and how he's feeling about the pregnancy. After him, he turned me and asked me about how I felt.

"Um- well i- I keep having nightmares about my father- that he killed Harry and the baby. Ever since after he poisoned them- that's where my mind has been." I cried.

Harry looked up at me and cried as well. "I-I'm sorry y-you're s-so worried about m-me." He said and wiped his eyes.

The rest of the session was horrific. Think of the worst nightmare you've ever had and times it by 100. The therapist did a thing with him where he made him close his eyes and bring back some memories of him when he first got to the brothel.

He was crying hysterically and wailing his body all over the place and that made me freak out. I had to leave the room because my anxiety was going through the roof and I needed a smoke.

I went out and lit my smoke as tears poured down my face. I couldn't stand to watch Harry in so much pain from his memories. It wasn't his fault, yet he had to remember it to help him overcome it.

I cried until I finished the smoke, burning the ashes on my wrist to put it out. I sighed and hissed at the same time at the pain. This wasn't enough pain- I needed more. Way more. I took my switchblade out of my pocket and slide it across my wrist, watching the blood start to flow. I smiled as I cut it a few more times before I headed back in and sat down at my spot.