My Only Medicine // Johnnie Guilbert

7 // :)

Tw: Mentions of S/A, S/H, and ED's.

Lily's POV:

It was a harsh day today. I realized what happened. I was raped. Raped! On my first date with a guy that I thought would love me. Oh he loved me alright. I sighed thinking about it. I didn't have the energy, nor motivation, to arise from my bed. It was so comfy, and I didn't have to do anything. That peace was interrupted for a second by a rare bathroom break that happened once a day. I just didn't feel like myself. It wrecked me, him doing that. My trust issues have skyrocketed, and.. I don't think I'd be able to bare a touch of another human for awhile. I wanted to cry, but my eyes were stinging from me crying earlier. It hurts to blink and it makes my eyes water, making it worse. I decided to go to sleep again since, as you know, no energy. The reason why my energy hasn't been up to its regular levels lately is because my eating habits declined rapidly the day it happened. I basically stopped eating until the point where it starts to numb, that's when I know it's eating the fat in my body. If I do eat it's a mere pop-tart, or whatever I can eat without throwing up; due to my stomach shrinking. It's been almost a week, and I've only texted Johnnie twice. That isn't like me, at all. I knew he cared, but. You know. I slept for a good 5 hours and decided to get up and walk around. My ankle has been healing perfectly since I haven't put any pressure on it, so I can put a wrap on it and not feel obligated to use the brace that the hospital provided me with. Also, I'm definitely selling those crutches I was forced to buy, they were like.. 70 bucks! That's too much. (Also they're uncomfy.)

I felt my phone buzz against my thigh where my phone was; in my pocket. I didn't want to check it, but decided to anyway since it could be Johnnie. It was.

"hey lily, you okay?"

"yeah i'm okay"

"can I come over?"
Read 11:59 AM

I left him on read. I didn't really feel comfortable with him seeing me like this; my ribs slightly emerging from my torso, but it's just Johnnie. For some reason, I was still conscious of my stomach, even though I knew I was skinnier than I used to be. That doesn't mean I don't have body dysphoria.

"don't you dare leave me on read."

"sorry sorry, I js drk.."

"it's fine, I'm on my way."

"what?"

"yep, I'm halfway to your house." Wait, driving? How is he driving?

"what? how."

"Uber is my best friend."

"smh. that Uber better pay me when he gets here."

"whatt!!"

"I guess you can come over since you're HALFWAY HERE"

"😛"
Read: 12:03

I sighed and took a swift shower, but still washing my hair since I hadn't.. for a while.. I went to my closet and threw on a decent pair of pjs with a loose t-shirt, that didn't show my stomach. I heard a couple frantic knocks on my door.

"Shit.." I mumbled to myself. I didn't even have a bra on, and my hair was still wet. I realized I was staring at the wall for a second thinking, wasting time.
I stood up, arching my back slightly a, then heard a couple pops. I groaned and mumbled something, stumbling over to the door. Quickly unlocking and running to put a bra on before he came in.