Defense Against The Dark Arts

The Scottish Banksy

is order of the phoenix set in 1995? Yes. Was ...Baby one more time released in 1999? Yes. Were evanescence, My Chemical romance and Panic at the disco formed in the 2000s. Yes. Do I care? No. please let me keep this i didn't want to be historically accurate and write about the backstreet boys and the sisters of mercy

It was nice to spend Christmas away from all the obnoxious wand-waving children and the kids that we teach, but alas, all good things come to an end,and so early January sees us slamming open the Great Hall's doors in the middle of the feast whilst complaining about timezones.

It's like a parody of our first entrance, with glares from Umbridge and the annoying twinkly smirk form Dumbledore. Thankfully, someone didn't forget there would be two of us, unlike in September, so we do both get a seat, and as a bonus, we even managed to miss the "Welcome back" speech.

After the feast, I want nothing more than to collapse into bed and sleep for a good 12 hours, except we walk into our room to see it in an absolute mess. There's books everywhere, spines pent back on themselves and pages crumpled. Clothes are strewn across the floor and the desk by the wall has been knocked over, my CDs in a pile on the floor.

"I thought Apollo would be neater than this," I say frowning, and I walk over to adjust the clock to be the right way up.

"This can't have been Apollo. When I IM him the room looked fine, and that was after he had finished sticking the speakers in. Speaking of-" He moves over to pick up the CD player. It's a squat, square black box with orange highlights around the buttons and CD slot. "Huh, OK, no wires or batteries. I guess it just runs on, I dunno, the sun or something."

I lean over his shoulder to look at it. "Are you sure this kind of technology won't attract monsters?"

"Into this castle? I doubt it. They'd have to battle the giant squid first. Anyway, I think it's just phones they hate. There's definitely at least four CD players in the Apollo cabin. Pass me a CD? I want to test it."

The huge mess in our room seems to have disappeared completely from Percy's mind, but I pass him the first CD I can reach anyway.

"Seriously, Britney Spears? I pegged you for like, an MCR fan or Evanescence," He says, squinting at the The Essential Britney Spears cover.

"They played her music a lot in the casino. Me and Bianca would use the karaoke machine to sing along," I say. "But if you're really desperate for Evanescence I think I have some of their music."

Percy laughs, and puts the CD into the slot. It makes a whirring sound, then Apollo's voice booms across the room. We both jump in shock, wildly looking around for the button to turn the sound down.

"POWER ON. NOW PLAYING THE ESSENTIAL BRITNEY SPEARS."

"VOLUME DOWN, OH GODS WHERE IS THE VOLUME BUTTON," Percy yells, desperately scanning the row of buttons for the volume whilst the opening notes of ...Baby One More Time start to play, shaking the desk Percy had put it on.

"... Is this not a good time? We can come back," Comes a quiet voice from the doorway.

I spin around to see Ron, Hermione and Harry in the doorway. They must have knocked, but over the music, there was no way we could have heard, and Harry and Hermione are sniggering, hand over his mouth to cover up his laughter. "Britney Spears? Seriously?"

There's a crow of delight from Percy and the music drops to a volume that doesn't make the whole castle shake.

"What's wrong with Britney?" I say, crossing my arms.

"Harry shrugs. "Dunno. I just thought you would listen to Panic! At the Disco or something."

I throw my hand into the air. "You too? Why does everyone think I'm emo?"

Percy clears his throat and looks pointedly at my black jeans and skull T-shirt. Harry sniggers again.

"What's emo?" Ron asks.

Hermoine decides to move the conversation on. "We thought you should know that Harry's being made to have occlumency lessons with Snape. We're worried he's going to use this to gain information to give to you-know-who."

"Occlumency means mind reading," Ron helpfully puts in.

It takes me a moment for me to realise they're talking about the horcrux fiasco. "Well I suppose Snape already knows enough. I don't think we can do anything about it, really."

"If you want the lessons to end quickly, just piss him off. Works with every teacher. I got through about 7 maths teachers in one year by using this method," Percy explains.

Ron and Harry look at each other. "Sounds easy enough. He hates me already."

"No, that's an awful idea. If he hates you even more, you won't pass potions! And you need that to become an auror," Hermione says aghast.

"Yeah, ok 'Mione," Ron says, he herds Hermione out of the room, rolling his eyes. Harry follows them, stopping only to tell us "Good luck in sorting out that mess!"

Right. I had forgotten about that.

The next morning, with our room back to order (Or at least, a level of mess that I can accept. The room isn't exactly tidy), we go to breakfast, only to hear hushed whispers and shifty glances to anyone who walks in. The source of this is obvious, as soon as I look up at the far wall in front of the staff table. It's an abstract piece, swirling colours and words that are too small to distinguish, curving into each other, and flowing across the wall like a whirlpool. It's dizzying, and beautiful to look at, and despite being abstract, anyone who had seen the piece that we had created could see the meaning. Unity and togetherness.

Walking closer, the words become more readable, and it's the song the hat had sung at the start of the year, except... not. The words are twisted, more poisonous and the poem seems to have a dark edge to it, a sense of desperation.

From a distance, the painting is just that; a painting. But now that I'm close enough to reach out and touch it, it feels like much more than just a painting.

We eat breakfast with our backs to the wall, looking over the sea of students and listening to how the whispers become louder.

We don't see Selene until the lesson just after lunch. She's waiting outside the classroom when we come back from where we had been eating lunch with the Twins in the kitchens, and she follows us into the classroom ten minutes before she needs to be there.

"You have paint on your tie," I say as a greeting.

She looks down at it and frowns. "Oh. Thanks." She waves her wand and mumbles something, and the red streak disappears. "So what did you think?" She's nervous, fidgeting with the end of her tie, and tapping her wand against her leg.

"Awesome. The picture is awesome," Percy says immediately, holding his hand out for a high five.

She grins, and the tension goes. "I was worried it would be too much. With the hat's song and all, but I guess I didn't realise that most people can't get close enough to read it anyway."

"That just makes it more effective." I say, "They will want to get closer to read it, and it's sparked interest. That sort of thing is difficult to cover up."

"Good. It shouldn't be-" She breaks off, as students start to come into the room. "I'll speak to you at the end of the lesson."

The class is difficult to teach, the students refusing to do anything but talk about the picture, which is great, of course, but also very annoying. But still. It's got people talking, and the dam will break eventually.

Word Count: 1280

Song: Lucky, Britney Spears