Ill-Gotten Memories

20. Wrongs

Monday. 12:18 AM.

Barbara and I laid peacefully together in bed. My bed. And maybe one day... ours.

I loved this woman. Every little thing about her excited me. She was fragile and sweet, and on the other hand, charming, strong, and sexy. She was utterly breathtaking. Being inside her gave me the most euphoric thrill of my life. The moment I heard those frantic breaths hitching in her throat, I knew she had been satisfied. Nothing could top knowing that I had successfully made her orgasm.

I would lie here naked beside her forever, if I only had the time.

Sharing these covers with her was therapeutic. The heat radiating between us and our unclothed, unified form ministered a warmth to me that I couldn't fathom losing or living without. I savored every moment of it. All my loneliness dissolved in her arms. She made me complete.

I didn't believe we would ever get this far. Out of fear? Maybe. My association with the family crime syndicate had resigned me to loving her from a distance. I had always told myself she deserved someone better. Or at least someone without any blood on their hands.

"But here we are."

It was hard to believe. Hard for me to grasp. Dinner and dancing was one thing, but making love? Sleeping together? I still wondered if it was even real. I finally had her... and my mind was failing to comprehend what that meant. It was always my life's ambition to be with Barbara but now that she was here, I felt a deep sense of responsibility. This just wasn't possible. It shouldn't have been.

I needed her before. Longed for her. But now I was desperate for her to stay and never leave. I had to ensure at all times that she felt like my number one priority. I had to protect her no matter who stood in my way.

With Giacchino blood running through me, she'd never feel unsafe again. I was born and bred to defend what was mine.

The hurricane of my thoughts, passion, and love would not still. But I remained completely motionless beneath her. I refused to disturb her no matter how badly I desired a cigarette.

Her slow, steady breaths poured into my chest. It was soothing and rhythmic, and nothing else could compare. This was living. I ran my fingertips down her silky skin and enjoyed feeling her weight on top of me.

My body desired sleep but how could I? I didn't want this night to ever end.

She lifted her head and gave me a playful grin. Strands of hair fell naturally around her face, but she brushed them back.

"I thought you were asleep," I said.

Tracing my physique, she gently grazed the top of my chest.

"I was thinking, actually." Barbara bit her bottom lip. The innocence sparkling in her sleepy eyes was enough to harden me with guilt. The things we did—that I did, were outright shameful. But God, weren't they spectacular? "How all this just feels...." She wagged her head slightly, laughing under her breath. "Too good to be true."

My mind echoed her feelings.

She laid back on a pillow, sinking beneath the covers, and pulling them up to her chest. "I can't wrap my head around it."

I rolled over on my side and listened to her closely. A hint of disbelief had seeped into her countenance, framing her words with caution; it was the same silhouette that had darkened our conversation earlier.

Loving her was so easy, I didn't think twice about it, and yet she struggled to see her worth. With everything she had been through, it was only natural for her to have lingering doubts. It wasn't her fault. But we would overcome them. We would do it together.