Je t'adore

Chapter 13: Sleepless Nights in New York

Scarlet listened to the pitter patter of raindrops as they assaulted her bedroom window. A sudden chill ran through her body as the wind whistled through the night. She sighed and threw her sheets off in frustration. Making her way to the kitchen Scarlet rummaged through her cupboard and pulled out a box of teabags. Even though spring had rolled around the weather was still dreary. Scarlet braced against her kitchen sink in a sleepy state as she filled a kettle with water. 

11:34. It appeared that sleep would not come to her tonight, no matter how tired her body was. 

Sittting peacefully in the dark, she observed the lazy late night traffic. Cars hummed by cautiously. This was mainly because the roads were slick to the touch which caused fear in many drivers. She sipped tentatively at her cup of tea, drawing every bit of warmth from it as she could. As much as she tried to busy herself with other thoughts her mind was constantly drawn to her past. She played with the rim of the cup by running her finger along it. Tea was a main part of her daily diet. She had every kind of tea under the sun stashed in her cupboard. However, today was a simple green tea kind of day. Today was that day. Scarlet knew exactly why she couldn't sleep. 

Taking her cup of tea into the bedroom with her, Scarlet placed it on her nightstand. She padded over to her closet, opened the doors, shuffled through a bunch of small boxes and emerged with an old, wooden antique jewelry box. Scarlet switched on the lamp near her bed and sat down. She looked at the aged box in her hand and exhaled. This is silly, Scarlet thought to herself. She placed the box back into the closet and got back into bed. 

1:17.

 Scarlet threw her sheets off again and decided to make another cup of tea. She hoped the second cup of tea would help calm her. This time around Scarlet opted for chamomile. She padded back into her bedroom and climbed into bed. 

2:23. 

Scarlet groaned. She was cold, she was frustrated, she had a strong urge to pee but most of all, she was tired. She was tired of all the questions she had that kept her mind awake, even though her body was aching for rest. Scarlet got out of bed and walked over to her closet. She pulled out the wooden jewelry box, turned on her bedroom lamp and crawled onto the middle of her bed. Scarlet examined the wooden box as if it held a clue she had missed over the years she had it. Her slender fingers traced the edges, and stopped at the lock. She unhooked the clasp and slowly opened it. Scarlet felt her chest constrict as she marveled at the contents. 

Inside laid a half empty bottle of Givenchy L'Interdit, a studded peacock hair clip, two aged Polaroid photographs, an engraved wedding ring and a handwritten note which read, "Scarlet". Scarlet picked up the grazed bottle of perfume and uncapped it. She brought the nozzle to her nose and inhaled the familiar scent of her mother. Placing the bottle back into the box she picked up the note her mother wrote and admired the elegance of every stroke. She held the piece of paper up to the light in hope of finding a hidden message but instead found disappointment. There was nothing, except for her name. A bitter expression replaced the light smile that Scarlet held while admiring the torn up note. She returned the note to the box and pulled out the two Polaroids. 

The first was a faded image of a young woman sitting in the sand. Her dark curly locks were wind blown away from her face, her full lips were stretched into a smile revealing perfect teeth, her head was tilted back with her eyes clamped shut. It seemed like the olive skinned beauty was mid laugh. Scarlet wondered what mellifluous sounds would come from the beautiful woman. There it was again, the strange pain that caused Scarlet's chest to constrict. Except this pain was slightly different. This one was brought on by the envy Scarlet had for the person taking the photo. She wondered whether they were the one responsible for the young woman's laugh or if it was just in her nature to be jovial. Scarlet turned to the second photo. This one was not as aged but faded just like the other. Unlike the young woman in the last photograph, the woman in the second was recognizable. She sat on a park bench and held a fussy toddler in her arms. Her face was oddly plastered with the same wide smile as the young woman. This was strange to Scarlet because the two women looked very different. One was young and vibrant while the other looked aged and worn out. The older woman had wrinkles near the corners of her eyes and laugh lines engraved at the sides of her mouth. Her skin was darker than that of the young woman and had far more marks and unlike the young woman who had long flowing locks the older woman's hair framed her face in a bob. Scarlet flipped to the back of the photograph and read the inscription. "Scarlet and I" was written in the same elegant handwriting. Scarlet could feel the tears swelling in her eyes. Mom, she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks and landed upon the photo. She brought the two Polaroids against her chest and continued to cry silently. 

The small wooden jewelry box was all Scarlet had of her mother. Scarlet cherished every item in it and kept them safe ever since her father gave them to her at the age of 12. Up until that point Scarlet knew nothing about her birth mother. As a child she never asked her father about her biological mom because she never wanted her actual mom to feel unloved or unappreciated. Scarlet didn't even know what her mom sounded like. She only knew the familiar sent of her mother's arms. Scarlet was 18 months old when her mother left without a trace. She packed all of her belongings and took them with her. Not a single item of her's remained in the house, except for the wooden jewelry box she left for Scarlet. Scarlet often thought about discarding the box and all of its content but never had the heart to actually do so, no matter how hurt she felt. Deep down she craved a relationship with her mother. She craved that inert bond that all mothers and daughters shared. She wanted to hear stories of how her parents fell in love, how her father proposed, how they picked her name and all the life lessons a mother would pass to her child. 

Scarlet often felt guilty for wanting such a bond with the woman who left her and her father behind, but eventually came to realize that was natural for a child to feel a loss for a parent that's absent in their life. Scarlet then thought of her actual mom, Desree. She was thankful more than anything for her step-mother. She loved her as much as she loved her father but their relationship was not that of a mother and daughter. Desree acted more like that favorite aunt who spoils you rotten. Scarlet was grateful for Desree, who raised her, helped her father through the pain of his wife leaving him and was there for her. Scarlet placed the photos back into the box and closed it.

 Ever since she was a child she looked for hidden meanings behind the items in the jewelry box but she always found nothing. Scarlet didn't know why her mom even left her anything in the first place. She had so many unanswered questions that haunted her. She wanted to know why her mother left, who her mother was, where her mother went after she abandoned them, but most importantly, if her mother was still alive. As a child she often imagined that her mother was a spy who had to leave in order to protect her but as she got older her theory grew more and more unrealistic. Scarlet let out a soft sigh. It's been 23 years, she thought, it's time I gave this fantasy up. Scarlet thought back to her twenty first birthday. As part of her birthday present her father wrote her a check for a little over $2000. The money was intended as a down payment for Scarlet's first car, however, she used the money to hire a PI to find her mother. Sadly, things didn't turn out the way Scarlet had hoped. The PI was unable to even find a person named Melanie Stevens. She ended up with no car, no money, no mother and a furious father who thought she lost the money. Scarlet grabbed the box, placed it on her nightstand and turned off the lights. 

3:07.