Ten months ago...
"(Y/N)," you heard general Leia call your name as you worked on one of the X-wings in the large hangar of the Tantive IV.
"Gimmie a minute." You said, wiping your grease covered hands on your shirt, leaving black smudges on the tunic. Not that it mattered. It probably matched what your face looked like right now. Perfect. You loved working with machines, particularly the X-wings. And right now, this one needed a tune up.
You stood up and attempted to look a bit more presentable by pulling some stray strands of hair back into your ponytail. (Not that it did much good, you were still a mess from working under the X-wing all afternoon.) You turned to face Leia with a friendly smile that quickly grew to a concerned expression when you noticed she wouldn't look you in the eyes. Odd. She almost seemed... Fidgety, nervous.
"What's wrong?" You asked, a hint of worry in your tone. "Did something happen?" You mentally started listing all the possible things that could have happened to make general Leia seem upset.
'Did something happen to one of the Resistance' allies?' 'has the First Order blown up another planet?' 'have they somehow infiltrated our plans? What happened'
"You parents," Leia starts. You could feel your heart drop to the pit of your stomach as anxiety grabbed hold of your mind. Leia gently took your hand an held it in her own. "They were on one of the ships in the squad we sent out earlier, on an attack against the First Order," she swallowed thickly. "But they were ready. They," she sighed heavy "they launched a counterattack and-" she didn't finish, but she looked into your eyes. Her expression was full of sympathy and compassion. You shook your head, needing to hear it straight from her.
"And what?" Your words were barely above whisper. You heard the tremble in your own voice as fear and anticipation gripped to your heart. But you were also in denial. You needed to hear Leia say it. Some stupidly hopeful part of you felt that as long as she didn't say it, it wasn't true. While the other part of you, the more logical part that kept nagging in the back of your mind, already knew the answer.
Leia squeezed your hand. "Your parents didn't make it. I'm so sorry, (Y/N)." You felt tears prick your eyes as that last shred of hope inside you shattered. You tried to swallow the thickness in your throat, tried to think of a coherent response to say to Leia, but nothing came out. Your vision went blurry as the tears you tried so desperately to hold back slipped and fell. It was only when Leia pulled you into a gentle hug that you realized you were trembling. You leaned into her and buried your head in her shoulder, sobbing. You stayed there and cried in Leia's embrace, too crushed to notice how you left black smudges of oil and grease on Leia's tunic. Or how the other people working in the hangar turned and gave looks of curiosity or sympathy. A good deal of them knew what it was like to lose someone, especially with the whole First Order thing going on.
The First Order.
The First Order killed your parents. They were your whole world and now... they were gone. The thought made your blood boil. It was the only thing running through your head as Leia gently brought you up and walked you to your quarters. You remember her saying something, probably some words of sympathy or comfort, but you were too numb to process any of it. You remember her leaving you there, leaving you with the conflicting emotions in your mind.
The First Order killed your parents.
The First Order killed your parents.
Those words ran on repeat in your head for hours that day, like an echo bouncing off the walls of your mind and hitting you hard each time they came back. Whenever you tried to draw your thoughts to something else, all the happy memories with your parents, your mind would always find a way to drift back to the fact that they were gone, because of the First Order. You wished it would stop, but you also wish your parents were still here. And they weren't, because of the First Order...
You groaned aloud. A mix of anger, frustration, and sadness. Tears started to prick your eyes, threatening to fall once again. After another good long session of sobbing, you laid down in your cot and stared blankly at the ceiling.
Exhausted, your eyes started to droop. You felt sleep calling to you, and it was a call you gladly answered. You just needed something to distract you from the pain right now. From those words that kept on repeat in your head. Reality was just too much to handle at the moment. You handed over your conscience and let yourself slip into the quieting slumber...
You jolted awake in a cold sweat, panting and recovering from the relentless nightmares. You had been in your quarters for what... 3 days? You weren't sure. You barley ate anything Leia sent you. All you did those three days was sleep, stare at the wall, or contemplate the thoughts and memories in your head. It was miserable. You knew you should probably get off your lazy butt and do something, everyone suffers loss after all. But you couldn't bring yourself to do anything. Leia had tried checking up on you a few times to see if you were okay, but you kept your door locked. You didn't want to see anyone. It seemed you had graduated from shock to depression. (Cheers🥂)
All your dreams had been the same for the past three days. Memories of your parents, good and bad, but each one ending with visions of explosions and their screams filling your ears. And all you could do, was watch as tears ran down your face.
The First Order killed your parents.
The First Order killed your parents.
Those nagging words tried to pry their way back into your mind, but you shut them out. They made your blood boil. You had joined the Resistance because your parents had, you never asked them why. That's just the way you were raised and it seemed right, so you stood by the Resistance too. But now, now you had a reason to fight for the Resistance. You had a reason, a burning fuel to hate the first order. Not only just for your parents, but for the countless, other innocent lives the First Order had taken.
The First Order killed your parents...
And this time you didn't try to stop the voices. You acknowledged them, understood them. Listened to them. They had killed your parents, they were gone, no denying. But to think that you could save so many other innocent souls from suffering the same fate, the same pain, it brought some fire back into your heart. A little flame that joined in with the chorus of the Resistance. You felt alive again, with a reason to live now.
You got up off your cot and went to your bathroom. It wasn't much, just a small room with a shower, a toilet and a sink, but it never really bothered you.
You looked in the mirror and your heart falters. You were a mess. The past three days you hadn't bothered looking at yourself. But now, with your hair all tangled and matted up, and the dry oil and grease splashes all over your body and overalls, you felt like a degraded homeless person. You took a quick shower and threw on a new tunic and overalls. After brushing your hair, pulling it into a tight ponytail, and tying up your boots, you looked in the mirror and couldn't help feel a small smile tug on your face. Although you still had dark circles under your eyes and it was clear you hadn't been sleeping well lately, it was a drastic improvement than what you looked like before the shower. Your heart still ached for your parents, you missed them. But they would want you to stay strong.
"Never give up, (Y/N)." Your mother would always say. "Take what you're given and use it to your advantage. Never stop fighting for what you believe." You felt your heart warm and sink at the same time. It was painful as it was soothing to remember your mother's soft, ethereal voice. Like a drug, you knew you shouldn't keep going back to it, you'd just get hurt, but the memories were all you had left.
You gave yourself a final look in the mirror before turning and exiting your quarters, shutting the door behind you. You started down the hallway towards the main bridge where you figured Leia would be. You wanted to do more than just fix up the X-wings in the hangar and occasionally give them a test run. You wanted to actually help. You wanted to infiltrate the plans of the First Order, go on a recon mission and find some valuable assets or information, go full on and fly in and attack them, anything. But you were determined to do something. Preferably by X-wing, though...
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(Author's note)
Hey guys! So I know this first chapter is kinda trashy but I hope you enjoyed it <3 I promise to get the next chapter out as soon as I can. Please comment and vote if you liked it 🤗 you all mean the world to me and thanks again for reading
X -Sylvia
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Finding Light in Darkness: The Light and it's Shadow
Fanfiction(Story X reader) (Y/n) was raised from a child and grew up in the Resistance. But when she loses her parents to the First Order, she puts it on herself to become an X-wing pilot for the Resistance end the First Order and their destruction to the uni...
