Whispers in the confessional ~ Wolfstar

Chapter 3- Abstaining...?

Sirius Black's point of view:

Why was I doing this? I could be anywhere right now. I could be : in a pub, chilling with James, buying cheap ice cream from a corner shop but instead I'm standing out those grand wooden doors again on a Saturday. I push them open, they slam and echo throughout the church.

Yet again Father Lupin is slumped in a circle of empty chairs. Maybe that's the reason I'm doing it, so Father Lupin has company, so he doesn't sit here alone on a Wednesday waiting for someone to walk though the door.

His face lights up and he abruptly stands up (pushing his chair over in the process). "Shit." I heard the faint sound of his voice from the distance. He fumbled to pick it up, placing it carefully back into the circle and then he came galloping over to me.

He quickly pushed his hair out of his eyes and then extended a hand, "Sirius, glad to see you again." He did it say any of that shit the other rehab counsellors said. No, 'glad your on your health jounru', 'so happy you're back here to better yourself', and it brought comfort to me. He didn't need to patronise me for me to know why I was here.

"Come, come." He ushered as he walked back, "Take a seat." He prompted me as he plonked down into his own plastic green chair.

I didn't sit opposite him this time. Don't get me wrong I wasn't close, but I was more or less diagonal to him. Even if he didn't notice this he smiled. "Is there anything you want to talk about today?" He asked gently.

I shrugged, "I dunno." I'm not much help am I?

Father Lupin crossed his legs and sat back in his chair, "Alright let's start with..." he paused for a brief moment as he thought, "Have you had a drink in the last week?"

The one at the pub. The two I had at Reggies. The three I had at that party. The four I had on a bench by the park. The five-

"Yes." I said blankly.

Remus nodded, "Okie dokie. Did you need those drinks?"

"Well..." what was he even asking me, "I don't know. I went to the pub with my mates, I've got to." I shrugged trying to brush off the fact.

"Do you feel obliged to drink with your friends?" He wasn't being arse-y he wasn't even doing it to provide stimulating conversation, he was genuinely curious.

I chewed on the inside of my cheeks, "Yeah, I suppose so. It's just what you do, you go out with your mates and you have a pint?"

"Can I suggest something?" Father Lupin asked, "Full sobriety isn't going to happen immediately, you'll get withdrawal and just go straight back and drink again." He explained. "So how about you don't drink when you go out with your mates, or at least try to. Then you can gradually cut down on the alcohol."

"I guess I could try that." My voice was bleak and boring. I don't know how he sits there and listens to me.

He smiled, "Good. Is there anything else you would like to talk about? Doesn't have to be alcohol related, I'll talk to you about anything."

I shuffled up in my chair, "How do I get back with my girlfriend?" I blurted out, the question had plagued my mind over the past week.

Remus sighed, "It's not simple. I don't know you and your girlfriend but your addiction contributed to her being unhappy, you need to recover before she could think about letting you back in."

We small talked for a little but then I wondered out. He brought me down to earth, Sophie wasn't going to take me back, at least not in this state.

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That evening, James took me out for a drink. He didn't know anything about this counselling stuff but I was going to try and listen to Father Lupin's advice ; say no to a drink.

James was leaning over the bar to his mate when he called me over, "What do you want? Pint? Shots?" He asked giving me two options.

"Just a Pepsi." It hurt me to say but also felt quite fulfilling, I couldn't wait to tell Father Lupin next week.

He raised he eyebrow briefly until he realised how rude he was being, "One pint and a pepsi." He smiled at the man at the bar and handed he a five pound note.

We sat at a table with our drinks, "How's Sophie? She's been posting some weird 'healing stuff on her Instagram." He took a swig of the beer.

"Oh." I didn't know that. To be honest I rarely checked Instagram at all, "She kicked me out, I think we're broken up."

"Shit..." he dragged out his word, "Sorry mate, let's talk about something else. So where are you staying?"

"Reggie's." I took a quick sip of my drink with the crappy paper straw I was given.

"Really?" He confirmed and I nodded, "I thought he wouldn't let you back after you trashed the place for your Boxing Day party. How did you convince him to let you back in?" His eyes rows furrowed.

I blinked. "He's put me in alcohol counselling at St Mary's down the rode, with a really sexy priest." I explained.

"Alcohol counselling." His brain processed, "I'm glad you're getting help Sirius."

I drew back, "But we're drinking buddies?"

"Yeah, I drink once every week when we come to the pub. You drink... well when don't you?" It was a genuine question. "Anyway, sexy priest? Tell me more, tell me more."

"God he's just so," I sighed, "I don't want anything with him, a quick shag would be nice though." I joked.

James raised an eyebrow, "Sirius he's celibate, don't tempt the poor man to sin."

Late on in the evening, I popped to the toilet and pulled out my phone. I googled the word celibate ; I knew what it meant, I knew all too well but I just wanted to check as if the definition change somehow.

Celibate- abstaining from marriage and sexual relations, typically for religious reasons.

I sighed. Soon I was on the church's website, looking at the 'meet the team page'. I saw Father Lupin's face and sighed once more.

I bragged through the doors and up to the bar, pulling a tenner out of my pocket, "Two pints please."

Once they were poured I brought them to our table, pushing one to James. He raised an eyebrow, "I thought you were abstaining from drinking."

Abstaining. Just like Father Lupin abstains from sexual relations. How does he do it?

"It's just one drink."

1141 words.
I'm back from the dead.