My time

chapter 4

Han's pov
"Hello grandpa and grandma" I said staring that the two grave...I drove more than four hours to come to busan...it is been a long time since I came here...my aunt visited her father in the first years after he died...but we didn't come here for four years now.
"I miss you grandpa" I said rubbing the grave stone" we are going to see each other soon though" I added chuckling.
"I did what you asked from me...I gave the papers to chan hyung yesterday...I hate that I am hurting him....but if he hates me he won't care when I die" I said humming to myself...he won't right....why would he care for some as rude as me?

"He said you told him to take care of me   I am sorry for making that impossible for him...he really tried...it was my fault though'' I said chuckling sadly" he is a lot like you...each time I see him I remember you...he is selfless..caring.. and just warm...sometimes I want to hug him tight and just cry...cry because of how unlucky I am...cry for losing you...for losing grandma...my parents" I said as tears fell from my cheeks "cry because I will be dead in less than three months...I want him to comfort me.. to tell me that everything is going to be okay....tell me that I will be happy too...like you used to do....is it too much to ask?" I said breaking down...I know I was always a pessimist person...but deep down I wanted my grandfather's words...wishes for me to become true...that selfish part inside of me wanted happiness too...wanted to make friends...wanted to find the love of his life and built a future with them...

"You are stupid " I murmured" I am stupid because even after what I have been through i still had false hopes...I deserve this....I deserve to die after I brought death to all of them" I added clenching my hands...
I stood up drying my face....nothing could change my destiny now...I am bonded to die....I better accept this truth and just let go...I still have few months....I will just go through them and live like I used to do...
"this is the last time I am going to see you from here ", I said taking a deep breath", sorry grandpa" I added walking toward my car.

I opened the driver seat entering the vehicle before I start my journey back to Seoul...I have school tomorrow after all...I need to act like everything is okay   I need to live the rest of my life as if I am not going to die I don't want chan hyung to get suspicious of me...I know he will try to make do chemotherapy but I don't want it...I don't want to suffer more and make him suffer with me to die by the end...i know very well that I am a lost cause...nothing will change that.
"Shit"i whispered blinking my eyes trying to make my vision less blurry...this happens often...the doctor said it is normal...that I could blackout out of nowhere just like what happened to me the other day...he gave me some pills for the headaches but that's the only thing he could do...he even said it will get worse day by say.

"Come on" I said rubbing my eyes,I can't keep driving like this...I looked at the road to see a huge track coming my way....the driver was honking at me it was so close I moved the wheel a few seconds before I could crash right into it....I stopped the car breathing hard as my whole body shook...for someone who is going to die soon I am sure scared for my life...I started through the mirror to see blood dripping from my nose...
" Hey are you okay?", I glanced from the window to see a middle aged man looking at me with worried face " your nose is bleeding....do you want me to take you to a hospital "he added...was is the driver of the track that almost crashed me.

"Oh no need sir...it is just from stress...I didn't sleep...I am sorry", I said bowing my head before I took a tissue to clean it.
"You should not be driving like this...I could have hit you" he answered shaking his head.
"I apologise once again." I said watching him leave...I am dying yet I chose to save myself...life is precious isn't?

Hyunjin's pov

I was watching han jisung for the whole time...my heart broke seeing him cry over his grandparent's graves...hell the man was almost hit by a truck...after I went to Earth and met with that group I became curious about him...he doesn't deserve this....I just wish I could help him...but my hands are tight...he won't die because of a car crash that I could save him from...this is cancer I can't cure him....I swallowed hard as he start driving back to Seoul...even if it was a car accident...I am not allowed to interfere...I thought this was going to be easy for me...I felt sorry for that woman i did...but I didn't feel like this...why do I want to save this boy?