What If I'm Not Enough? (intersex)

chapter twenty-fourth

(TW;  mention of suicide, self-harm)

Ashton's pov

"So Ashton, it's been awhile. How are you feeling today?"

"I'- I've been better"

"Your mom sounded very frantic on the phone when she called."

"Yeah, uh, I've uh... been off my meds, so I've been acting a little wild"

"Why were you off your meds?

"Because I felt like a zombie and I wasn't sleeping. I was just sad all the time, plus I just needed to have a clear mind for my last test"

"Do the medications make it hard for you to focus on your schooling?"

"Yeah, it's a lot and sometimes I can't stay focused on my work. This was a big history test I needed to pass to still be eligible for soccer. So I had to study harder"

"How did the test go?"

"I got a B, and as a straight A student it made me really frustrated and disappointed with myself"

"Can you tell me what happened that brought you back today?"

"Yeah... I... made a choice to do something and it escalated into something more extreme then I was expecting"

"What choice did you make?"

"About 5 weeks ago, I got angry about my report card being a B and fought with my brother over it during history class"

"What was the fight about?"

"He was talking shit on me for not getting a higher grade then him in the one class I fucking hate and actually really struggle in. It's one of those classes that overstimulates me and makes me twitchy because I hate talking about American or even worse Texas history"

"How does it make you twitchy?"

"Because when something irritates me or gives me anxiety,  especially something I typically excel in, it causes me to get overwhelmed by things or people being near me"

"So what happened in the class, during the fight?"

"Well I was frustrated over the grade and he said something about it under his breath. So I stood up, and asked him to repeat it. He looked at me and rolled his eyes so I shoved him out of his seat.

After I did that he got up and threw me across the room. Rell and Daja tried to stop us, but they were too late.

He pushed me up against the door really roughly and caused me to hit my head. I got really dizzy and slid down the door hitting my head again as I hit the doorknob.