The Things We Held On To

Prologue

Aris's P.O.V

I think about WCKD a lot more than I should. Not because I want to, but I don't really have a choice. Not with her around. Not with Y/N.

She doesn't know. She actually doesn't even remember. I don't exactly blame her for that though. She was only there for around a month before I left, and she wasn't exactly planning on getting acquainted with us any time soon.

Honestly, I don't even know how she got here or why. I don't know she could possibly need protection from, if she even deserves it after everything that she did.

She doesn't know that I know. Nobody does, even though I’m sure that someone should. At the end of day we all just want to move on. No more pain, no more unnecessary death, no more heartbreak, just life. Just waking up, and breathing air while knowing most of the people you care about can't. Just eating a meal while knowing that most of the people you care about can't. Just enjoying the sunlight while knowing that most of the people you care about can't. You know, standard stuff.

Sometimes, I wonder if I even deserved to make it here. Then, I remember that so many people couldn't and feel awful for even thinking like that when they couldn't think at all.

She though, makes these thoughts so much worse. I’ve tried not to hate her because of how much energy that is, but it’s hard when I see her look content and remember how cold she was.

Never happy though. She never looks happy.

I try not to hold a grudge. I try not to give her my energy, but I can't help but be satisfied that she never truly seems free from what she did. I can't help but wish the worst for her.

Not that she’ll get it. Bad people rarely get what they deserve, and Y/N is no exception.

Your P.O.V

I remember it. All of it. All the hell and suffering that I caused and all the pain that I sat through and helplessly witnessed.

Honestly, I don't think that I would be here if it wasn't all for nothing. Not that that makes it any better, but it’s the truth.

I was always a good liar, even as a kid. So when I heard that WCKD was hiring people who could be undercover subjects I had to sign up. After just one interview, I got the job almost instantly. People hating WCKD with all their guts also probably helped.

That small spy job was just the start. For three months I kept my head down and stayed amongst the immunes. It wasn't ideal, but I was desperate. Plus, WCKD was the perfect thing for what I needed.

After they realized that I could listen in on people but wasn't capable of actually talking to me they made me a regular guard. While I begged for them to take it back, to let me prove that I could do this, while I was practically groveling at their feet, they told me to shape up or get out.

So I shaped up. I was in charge of leading the subjects onto trains and ordered to beat anyone who objected.

I didn't do that last part. I just shot the blow dart into their arms and carried them to the train on my own.

Nobody knows. They don't know why I ‘learned’ some of their names faster than others. They don't know why I couldn't look so many of them in the eye. They don't know why I keep my head down as if I had been conditioned to do so.

Of all of them though, there was one person that I knew the best.

Aris Jones.

He was almost a rebel. He wanted every WCKD worker dead and made that clear from the start. As a result he ended up unconscious in my arms quite a bit.

He doesn't look at me, doesn't come around me, doesn't like me. He never said it aloud, but he never had to. Seeing as he’s introverted yet friendly, him refusing to be near me made it pretty clear what he thinks.

He hates me. Aris Jones absolutely hates me.

Then again, I don't blame him.

Still, there's always been one question about him that haunts my mind.

If he truly hates me, why hasn't he told anyone the truth?