On my Island (Kara x Reader)

5. Kara, Kara, Kara

Y/n pov

It's been two days since Lena had begun asking us both questions about our relationship. How it is and... how it isn't. And it's not like i don't have feelings for her, i mean, look at her, it's Kara. But i've been hurt in the past, and no matter how much i trust Kara not to hurt me emotionally, i know who she is. Everything she does could hurt me.

But now i can't stop thinking about it. All the times she's been on her way to touch me, but doesn't. Every time her eyes flicker to my lips when i smile, the way she turns the other way when i'm changing. It wasn't always like that, and i knew the moment it changed that her feelings for me had become real.

We've known each other for years now, always being close. But now, after Lena mentioned it to her, it feels like she's holding back on everything. And i know that it isn't right if me to continue myself when i know how she feels. Especially when i know how i feel and how i should feel.

When she herself realised her feelings, and me... ruined by both the accident and my failed relationship, she had asked me out. And no matter how much i had wanted to say yes, i needed to put myself first.

And she understood. The wonderful and beautiful person that she is, understood exactly why. And still she treated me no other way, still loved me as she did before, still held me when i needed her.

"Cortez." An angry male voice calls out from another office down the same hall as mine. Whatever have i done wrong this time? "Cortez?"

"I'm in my office." And i'm having a bad day with my back so i'm not going to be able to get up and meet him. It's not that i ever want to undo the surgery that keeps me from being fully paralysed, but i still can't wait for Lena to come up with something new that's more comfortable.

"Cortez?" He calls out again and i realise that i'm not going to be able to go to him. So before he can call out again i pick up my desk phone and call his. And he has the audacity to let it ring five times before he picks it up. "Cortez?"

"Yes sir, what can i do for you?" I answer while managing to hide my annoyance from my tone.

"Come to my office." And sometimes i think he wants me to come in just so that he can watch me leave.

"I can't right now, is there anything else i can do for you?" I say instead of the words i really want to say, along with my resignation. The unfortunate thing is that if i do it, so many others he makes uncomfortable will follow. We're all just waiting for someone to be the first.

"Those papers for the new Neuro attending, eh...." As if he can't remember the name only because the person in question is a man. Sometimes i wonder how we women only notice it.

"They're almost done, i'm on them now."

"Good."

"And his name is Andrew Cullen."

"Who?"

"The new Neuro attending." I should have just kept my mouth shut, but can't even do that as he just hangs up in my ear. Putting the phone back down, i sigh and try to lean back in my chair. And it works this time, making me let out a relieved breath.

But as i do, all i can think about is Kara once again. I could really use a Kara hug right about now.

And before i know it, another hour has passed and i don't feel better. I only feel exhausted.

"Oh great, it's one of those days." I mumble to myself just as someone walks past outside of my door.

She knocks on the door before opening it more, seeing me leaning back with my eyes closed. "You okay in here?" Nakia asks and i open my eyes to see her looking worriedly at me.

"Yeah, i'm fine." And i have two more hours of my shift left.

"You should get home, maybe Kara can come pick you up." And even through the exhaustion on both of us, i still hear the small teasing in her tone when talking about Kara and me.

"I'll be fine, i need to get this paperwork done or we won't have a Neuro attending next week and i'll lose my head."

"I'm pretty sure you won't, that's one of the things he likes the best." She winks and laughs at me before heading out, her words bringing a small smile onto my own lips.

But maybe i should head home, i can do these papers in the morning if i just come in a little earlier. Or maybe don't go out for lunch. Maybe i should ask her to pick me up... no, Kara has her own life, i can't just call her whenever i want to.

So after another few minutes of thinking i finally decide to pack up my things and head out. I can finish those tomorrow.