DISCLAIMER: This chapter includes contents of
IMPLIED SELF-HARM/SH
ATTEMPTED $UICID3
IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THESE THOUGHTS, KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Please seek mental or physical help or tell somebody you trust to talk to. Thank you. These characters are completely fictional.
Also, these are fictional characters. I promise I’m not having these thoughts. Not anymore, at least, guys.
11/16/23
“A busy day. Just like yesterday. Just like the day before. Just like every day. As if it never ends. Not like I get sleep in this place anyway. Not since Subspace’s little pests have been throwing rocks through my window. They just love to skitter near my feet like worker bees to their queen. But I…am no queen.
Why would I ever even WANT to be a queen? That’s just stupid. Then again, so are bees.
Anyways. I guess a new phighter came in during the PHESTIVAL, which I won. Thanks, intuition. I knew Valk would win. No girl could resist that little guy in a skirt.
But anyways, what joy...I guess. Everyone got to meet them. But why would I ever? The guy’s got a statue of himself. Everyone was just in their Halloween costumes and such, so by that, who would focus on that thing? I’ve never seen the guy, but I guess they’re one egotistical brute. Hopefully, I can handle the extremely rare case of Bullcrap they have. And hopefully, it’s not contagious.”
((Recognize this entry from chapter 1???))
Shit. This was Medkit’s journal. He shouldn’t be reading it. At all. This is an invasion of privacy. But…he did want to pick at the doctor’s brain, see his thoughts. Would this be the best way to do it? Probably not. But it wasn’t like Medkit was going to spew anything to HIM. So he flipped a few pages back.
9/16/23
“I’ve been feeling terrible all day. Like usual, but this day is much different than others. And for a specific reason. The broker told me some fairly…troubling information. Our boss was going to join us in Phighting. I’m sure she’d be a fan favorite, but what a horror it would be. She’s lucky most of us respawn. Any civilians in her crossfire might not be so lucky. I know her habits. I tried my best to talk her out of her decision but she said there was nothing I could do.
That I’m just…
A medic.
Something about that broke me. Almost crying in front of her was the last thing I wanted to do. But it wasn’t crying. I…wailed. Like a banshee. My vocal cords aren’t used to doing that nowadays, I haven’t done that since--”
The rest of the words are scratched out, incomprehensible. Ban Hammer’s hands are quivering a bit. He sighed, trying to push through and read another page. But…one of the pages has small splotches of blood on it. It’s recent.
“I’ve lost track of time. My arms are aching so hard. I keep placing pads on it. The fluids of my crystals, even crushing up the crystals. The blood just won’t fucking stop. I know I promised my therapist I wouldn’t but fuck…today was horrid. I don’t know how to explain it. My mind fuzzed up while I thought about it. But I was thinking about that fucking pink freak. He has never wanted me to be happy. Or to have some sort of great passion. Since the day we met…he resented me for my passions. I hated helping people. But seeing them hurt…?
That’s something I could never deal with. Taking the life of someone. Yet, Subspace wanted my life to end. We worked so well together. We both loved inventing and such but hated working together. But we still worked so well together. And this was the same man that ripped my damn eye out.
I live out of spite just to show him I’m going to be around for a long time. But why do I want my life to end so badly? Speaking of which, I feel lightheaded.
...I need to head to the hospital…right now.”
Ban Hammer’s hands were trembling as he read each word. He was bleeding the whole time. From his mouth? Or his head? Or-...he didn’t want to think about another place he could possibly be bleeding. He caressed his thumb against the dried blood splotch. He looked at Medkit, sleeping peacefully on the couch. He felt like he was about to cry, knowing that he wanted to attempt such a thing on himself.
He puts the journal back where it was, walks over, and kneels in front of Medkit, pulling his sleeve up and seeing what he expected; self-inflicted scars and bruises from his wrist to the middle of his upper arm. His hands quivered. He wanted to hold him close. He was no longer this antisocial, cold, heartless dick. He was a scared, empathetic, introverted man. He picked up Med and lay on the couch on his back, Medkit sleeping peacefully on top of him. He subconsciously feels Ban Hammer’s heat against his chilly body. He smiled softly in his sleep as the small deer tail behind him wagged.
Medkit wakes up. It’s crappy outside again, which means he gets another day off. Thank god. He yawns and stretches when he sits up, hearing something revving up. He looks up, seeing Ban Hammer holding him close. Even in his sleep, he was pretty strong. And the revving sound was his loud purring. He didn’t mind it, though. It felt a bit…nice. Being this close to somebody. He wasn’t one for physical contact, but he was enjoying it. He felt a hand on the side of his head, the thumb scratching behind his ear. Medkit knew it was Ban Hammer instantly, pretending to be asleep. “Wake up, you brute.”
“Mmgh…we’ve got time…”
“YOU have time. I…have to get to work--”
“I know you don’t have work on rainy days…”
“...tch. Just get up.”
“No…” Ban whined as he held him closer, turning on his stomach and lying on Medkit Not completely since Medkit wouldn’t be able to breathe, but enough to catch him in a warm cuddle trap. Medkit couldn’t say he hated it, high. His tail was a helicopter blade. He slowly lied back again and nuzzled into Ban Hammer’s neck. Ban purred loudny as he warmed Med up, his big tail thumping against the couch as he held Medkit closer to him.
Word count:1096.))
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Heart Surgery(MedHammer)
Fanfiction"A busy day. Just like yesterday. Just like the day before. Just like every day. As if it never ends. Not like I get sleep in this place anyway. Not since Subspace's little pests have been throwing rocks through my window. They just love to skitter...
